Do you think putting a child in their room (and holding the door shut) is compatible with unconditional parenting?

[ScarlettCrossbones]

It's not, is it?? Because I find myself doing it more and more these days, when DS (4) gets into "the zone" of behaving badly and I can't think of anything else to do. When he's looking around for things to throw off any surface ... trying to escape out of the front door to the extent that I have to sellotape it shut ...

I just feel I have to withdraw all attention from him ? all the fuel that is fanning the flames, if you like ? but I suppose that could be interpreted by him as love withdrawal, yep?

WWYD??

I agree with Moondog. Why does parenting have to fit into a strategy?

I think with any 'style' of parenting one needs to be flexible...

I've read Alfie Kohn's books, and I've always been an advocate of attachment parenting and to a certain extent UP.

Rigidly following any system of 'rules' placed upon a parent by a philosopher is setting yourself up for a big fall. I have many friends that are strictly AP parents - good on them - if it works for them...But for me I've chosen to practice aspects that work for the kind of person I am and the personalties f my kids.

Your question was about how a certain action fit with UP principles - not with the merits of UP. If you find that it works for you and your DS then fine - why should you fell like you're a failure as an unconditional parent? I would say as long as you talked about it afterwards and your DS understood your reasons or acting as you did then that's pretty good parenting. Even tell him as you're doing it - it might not get through but would that make you feel better? At the end of the day the behaviour has to stop as it doesn't please you - you're not hitting or shouting , seems fairly effective and reasonably gentle

Parenting is hard enough without feeling like you've failed even when you're trying too do what you feel is best. UP is definitely not the easy option, so good on you for giving it a go. Rewards might not be seen now, your DS is young, but give it time and only do the best you can.