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Original poster

Does anyone else get angry with their baby

48 replies

1757 · 17/08/2009 09:34

My DD is 8 weeks

I am really enjoying her, adore her and I am definately not depressed

However very occasionally, if she is crying a lot or very loudly and I can't settle her easily, I get very angry. Especially if I am tired.

Yesterday I shook the pram while she was in it because I just could not get her to stop crying. I shut the door and walked away to calm down for a few minutes and then I was fine again. Of course I feel very guilty

Am I the only mother who does this? Am I some kind of monster? I cannot admit this to my friends or family (although I do to my DH). My SIL admitted she once threw her baby on the bed because she cried for hours.

Is this a taboo area that should not be discussed?

This does not happen very often and I am a caring mum who adores her baby. I carry her in a sling, breastfeed and co sleep. We have a very strong bond.

OP posts:

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Set a reminder

MrsKitty · 17/08/2009 09:37

You are not on your own - the tiredness is what does it. What's important is that you've recognised it and know when to walk away for a moment to take a deep breath. It does get better.

LoveBeingAMummy · 17/08/2009 09:37

The important thing is that you have regconised it and walked away. No sleep and a crying baby could get imfrmation out of the toughest of men!

Fruitysunshine · 17/08/2009 09:37

This is not a taboo area, it needs to be addressed if you are having problems with anger.

You are not a monster but you do need to talk to somebody about how you are feeling and I would talk with the GP before anyone else.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old Babies & sleep Families General parenting

cocolepew · 17/08/2009 09:37

Always put the baby where she is safe and walk away, it doesn't matter how much she is crying, don't go back to her until you have calmed down. You are not the only person to have felt, or did, this. Don't feel guilty.

LoveBeingAMummy · 17/08/2009 09:37

x posts, see tow of us must be right

blondissimo · 17/08/2009 09:52

I remember this - my ds cried and cried and cried and no matter what I did he would not stop. It is the tiredness and the fact that you can't get away from the situation.

I used to wonder why people went into childcare (nannies,etc), but I then I realised that they can walk away at 6pm and go home, get some dinner, relax and then go to bed.

I too felt guilty and I remember on one occasion I said to dp that I just wanted to throw ds on the floor , but of course I didn't and never would have. It was just the frustration of the continual crying and no sleep.

At 8 weeks they are still very young and it will get better within the next couple of weeks - you are through the worst part .

Does she cry more than other babies? If so, she may be suffering reflux or bad colic - my ds was and once he got some medication, the crying calmed down a lot.

maybebaby23 · 17/08/2009 09:53

Oh you poor thing. I remember that feeling you describe. Its definately tiredness. I was exhausted and i had a whingy baby, she just whinged whenever she was put down I also shook the pram But thats all i did because i knew it was my tiredness and i did the same as you. Put baby down inside her pram and i also put some soft music on and gave her her snuggle blanket then left the room. I couldn't go far because of fear she would choke while crying as she often did! So i just breathed and counted to 10, made a cup of tea and went back in to her.

Hope you are ok, dont be too hard on yourself as IME that makes it worse. I felt awful, stressed out because i couldn't stop the crying and stressed out because i hated my feelings towards the situation. Its normal and next time for me i wont beat myself up about it, just as long as your baby is safe that is all that matters. You are not a monster at all.

notyummy · 17/08/2009 09:55

You are not alone. It is not a rational response - a tiny baby is not delberately annoying in the same way an older child can be - but I think most people have been angry with a baby at some stage. It is how you deal with it that counts. As long as you walk away/breath deeply/scream into a pillow, then it is fine.

Original poster

1757 · 17/08/2009 17:50

she doesn't even cry that much normally but she has had a very unsettled couple of days.

OP posts:

stressednamechange · 18/08/2009 17:08

1757, I feel like this too at the moment. I came on here about to start a thread on it.

DD is usually placid, but when she gets going, she goes for it. Sometimes I feel like I am inches away from losing it with her. I've shouted at her, and she's my precious little baby. I know it's not her fault she's crying. I can't believe I do it. This isn't my first, so the shock of a new baby isn't there, giving me even less of an excuse.

I don't think I'm depressed. Yesterday was a particularly bad day due to an evening/night before of crying toddler and baby. I can put it down to being a bad day, but at what point does one say that's not a bad day, I'm just not coping?

EyeballsintheSky · 18/08/2009 17:12

I remember it too. I could feel the rage building up and it would have been so easy to follow it through. But you really do have to pull back, put her down somewhere safe and leave the room for as long as you need to. I agree with everyone else, it would drive a saint to despair.

grumblinalong · 18/08/2009 17:51

Anger is an emotion and the dictionary definition of emotion is 'an affective state of consciousness in which joy, sorrow, fear, hate, or the like, is experienced'

1757, you are experiencing a feeling and there's not much you can do about it apart from control your actions that stem from the feeling - how can you be a monster if your actions are walking away?

I've really struggled with anger in being a mum to DS2 - he night woke constantly from 6 months to 18 months and I remember once he was crying at 4am for the millionth time and I just screamed at him, really loud, to shut up and dragged his cot really hard over to our bed. I couldn't help it at the time and although I regret not being the picture of serenity and calm that I want to be I'm a human and my basic needs (sleep) were being withheld. there's the facts of it!

I also find that your own child's cry is much more affecting and annoying than other children's cries - I think this is mother nature's way of galvanising you into action. But knowing that it has to be you, no one else, who has to respond to your child's cries AGAIN is sometimes too much. I hope you don't feel so alone and maybe if you talk to your family & friends (esp those with dc's) you'll be surprised by how many identify and understand what you are feeling.

hettie · 18/08/2009 19:32

oh yes remeber getting really quite cross at times, with me it would turn into ranty foul language as I tried (once again) to get ds to sleep.... seem to remember that there is a service that runs a telephone helpline for moments like this here
but all normal (if alarming). Follow the advice to walk away and maybe try giving the helpline a call?

HarryB · 19/08/2009 08:20

Good grief yes. DS teethed for about 5 months and whinged non-stop. I was going so out of my mind that I had to put him in his bouncy chair and go have a silent scream in the kitchen on may an occasion. As long as DC is somewhere safe, never feel bad about taking a 5 minute breather, especially when you're sleep deprived yourself.

GooseyLoosey · 19/08/2009 08:27

I felt like this too! I think it was down to the utterly unrelenting nature of it all, coupled with complete and total exhaustion.

My solution (which I would recommend) is putting the baby in a room and shutting the door. Retreat to the furthest room possible and scream as loudly as you can. Then sit down and have a cup of tea. On no account get up and go to baby (unless of course it sounds like disaster has struck) until tea finished.

Other solution is that if you have a partner, say to them "I cannot cope with this for a minute longer, I just need to get out". Shove baby into their arms (without issuing any instructions) and go out. 10 minutes will do, but longer is better.

Flower3545 · 19/08/2009 08:37

My very first HV gave me the "walk away" tip when DD1 had colic and I was a new mum struggling to cope, I've never forgotten it and that was over 30 years ago I can, to my shame, remember wailing "why doesn't she like me" to the HV who gave me a hug before imparting her little gem.

I said "but she'll still be crying when I come back" she replied "but you'll be better able to deal with it"

It works, it really does and it's saved the life of many a baby and my sanity on so many occasions.

I also try to remember that no matter how awful it is, it will pass and become a distant memory very quickly, if it didn't there would be a lot more one child families out there

notyummy · 19/08/2009 08:48

My dd wasn't a major cryer - and I still used to lose my rag occasionally (not WITH her, as such) but would feel furious.

You know afterwards that it is stupid - but you can't stop the feeling because you are human.

Original poster

1757 · 19/08/2009 09:08

Thank you so much for your kind replies

I have a DS aged 3 also and he has become more challenging since the new arrival. I really do enjoy it most of the time but on occasions I feel like I am going mad and could lose the plot! I am sure the sleep deprivation has a lot to do with it. I do talk to selective people about it and my MIL has had my DS overnight (he is very close to her). DD had a very settled afternoon yesterday so I got a rest. I adore her and love her so so much yet sometimes I can feel so much anger and despair. Why oh why don't babies just sleep when they are tired!? I know if I had the answer to that I would be a millionaire!

OP posts:

lobsters · 19/08/2009 09:54

I had the same day yesterday, we've had a few unsettled days and by yesterday evening she was just crying and wouldn't go to sleep. I was feeling rotten, and just sat at the top of the stairs screaming inside "FGS just go to sleep". It is the side of parenting that people don't talk about. It's so hard, thankfully DH was a star yesterday and just kept calming me down.

DD is 7 months, and although yesterday was a really bad day, I think it was such a shock as I've not had a bad day like that in a quite a while.

blondissimo · 19/08/2009 11:58

It does become easier as they get older, but I still lose my rag when my 13 mo ds has an unsettled night (last night being one of them [shattered emoticon]). He will keep waking up, so I eventually give in and bring him into our bed, where he just tosses and turns for about an hour and a half before falling asleep horizontally across the bed so that dp and I are teetering on either edge !

But it is quickly forgotten about when I wake up to a smiling little boy in the morning!

I always say that if there weren't bad times, then we wouldn't appreciate the good times!

serendippity · 19/08/2009 12:14

Oh yes 1757, I get angry with ds who is 9 months. He is a major cryer and I try not to but do find myself yelling "what on earth do you want?!!" at him. I've even made him before which is truely terrible. However I have a fantastic bond with him and it is only in moments of him screaming for over an hour, right through the day that I loose it. But ds and I always have a big cuddle and I apologize to him if that happens. I'm fine 2 seconds afterwards as well, it just like a wave of frustration that passes.
It is far from ideal but I guarentee that not one of us can skip through the day like something out of The Sound Of Music 100% of the time, particulary not when faced with an ongoing, screaming, cross baby that has had all of it's needs taken care off leaving you knackered and totaly clueless!
Don't give yourself a hard time, just place your baby in a safe place and walk away. Have a cup of tea in a another room and do talk to the Gp if you feel things are getting out of hand
Hth.

serendippity · 19/08/2009 12:15

"i have even made him jump before" I don't want to you leave you all wondering what on earth I made him do!

serendippity · 19/08/2009 17:27

ooh I hate it when I kill a thread like this. It makes me think that what I've said has shocked mumsnet into silence

blondissimo · 19/08/2009 17:35

serendippity - it's normally me ! Every time I click "Threads I'm On", I feel a little...rejected [blub]

serendippity · 19/08/2009 17:37

lol blondissimo, i feel exactly the same..perhaps we are the same person talking to each other to pretend we have freinds

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