I am the worst mum in the world - just sent ds2-2y 4mo to bed hungry

[BlueSmarties]

I'm not fussy about food, never try to force feed or anything like that. we just have one rule in this house. If you don't eat your dinner there isn't anything else.

So ds1 [4] sat in front of his dinner sulking for approx 10 mins then tucked in heartily and had his after dinner treat.

ds2 [2] not interested even with gentle persuasion. So he went up for his bath,no fuss or anything. Came downstairs and said he was hungry but still wouldn't eat his dinner. I relented and gave him a banana but once he started asking for biscuits it was time for bed.

I feel like such a b1tch. he's never seen it all the way through to bed time before. Last time he did this was at my mum's and he sat and watched everyone eat an ice cream but he didn't get one coz not eating dinner - went up for his bath then came down and ate his v.cold roast dinner - then had an ice cream. Thought he'd learnt his lesson then.

Anyone else out there that mean. Only want to hear from those that are - not anyone looking to bash me and make me feel worse than i do already.

[bubblagirl]

havent read all of thread but i do not make meal times an issue either and do not insist on plates being cleared either eating and being comfortable at meal times is more important

for the 2 yr old are the meals too big portion should be 2 tablespoons per portion for his age and that would total 6 tablespoons of food and this is more than sufficient maybe your putting too much food on the plate and its daunting put less on you can always add more if they want it

but if your over loading and then expecting them to clear plate couldn't think of anything worse

ive always used the tbsp rule and my ds has always eaten all his meals with no problems but if he didnt i wouldn't punish for it

any new foods i try at lunch times so meals are not affected at night time

[cktwo]

round of applause to bluesmarties

I'm sick of seeing children dictating to their parents about what they eat and when. As parents it is our job to prepare our children in life and by giving in to 2yo food demands I don't think we're teaching them the protacol and etiquette around meal times.
If bluesmarties have given in, then her 2 yo would think it's ok not to eat his meal but demand food afterwards. And it would go on day after day after day.
Yes as a grown-up you can snack 2 hours after a meal but you are capable of reasoning that.
At the end of the day, if a child is hungry they will eat their dinner.

BTW my 2yo is more than capable of grasping the concepts here. They are not babies anymore.

[mananny]

I hate it when children are told "if you don't eat this you won't get that" - it teaches them totally the wrong message about mealtimes IMHO. Mealtimes should be relaxed, social occasions where the children learn from watching the adults how to have a healthy relationship with both food and each other. My now ex- charges (boo hoo I miss them!!!!) aren't forced to finish their plates, they get fruit and yoghurt most days for pudding. They are a bit picky about some foods but FGS they are 3.5yrs old and should not be expected to like everything on their plate, as we adults don't always lick our plates clean either. They are encouraged to try new foods, no fuss is made if they aren't in the mood to eat, healthy snacks are available if they are hungry later. As a result (and it has been hard work to not get frustrated with them on some days when they are little monsters at the table!) they generally eat a wide and varied diet, there are no tantrums (99% of the time LOL) about food/mealtimes, they will sit nicely and chat about their day with any adults joining them at that meal, and are always complimented on their manners etc. They are healthy and happy and that's way more important than stressing about whether or not they finished their plate. Food is enough of an issue in adulthood, let the petites enjoy it while they can!

So I really think if parents were to relax a bit more about food and their children, there would be way less issues. No child ever starved themselves from missing a meal if they weren't hungry. And parents/nannies shouldn't pile the pressure on a small child to eat something if they don't want it as then food becomes an issue and it really needn't be that way. If they just finish their plate to please you/get desert and not because they are hungry, that's a life lesson that will affect other areas of their lives later, surely? I'll probably throw all this psychology stuff out the window when I have a child myself, but in the meantime I would rather my charges have a relaxed and enjoyable meal than it be fraught with threats and punishments and the use of sweet foods as a reward for going against their own wants and needs.

[cktwo]

My mealtimes are relaxed and happy and if they don't eat their meal they don't go without pudding and I don't insist on a clear plate. However if they don't eat any of their meal but ask for something 30 mins later then like bluesmarties they get offered fruit and milk but nothing else. Mealtimes are for eating, not 30 mins afterwards.

[ArcticLemming]

There was some research done recently that found children are not good at regulating their intake (this was on primary school age). The conclusion was that parents need to play an active part in portion control. Will try and find a link. I certainly don't think my DD1 is - if she ever gets unlimited access to biscuits (e.g at a party) she'll eat a ridiculous amount unless stopped.

[juuule]

I must be lucky then in that my children do seem to be able to control their intake. Whatever they have access to they don't seem to overdo it.

Only time we've had a problem was at lunchtime when a dinner lady kept insisting that dd ate everything in her lunchbox. Dd ended up in tears and started trying to hide her lunch on the way out of the house to pretend that she'd eaten it all. Took a while for her to settle down again after I'd been in to discuss.

[Scarletibis]

I don't think you're being mean - you gave him a banana, so he won't be starving hungry. Personally I think to give nothing before bed would be mean, but a banana will keep a 2yo from going to bed hungry.

[K999]

Juule..I had exactly that same problem with dd1 when she started school! Sometimes dd1 would only eat some of her packed lunch and then eat the rest walking home from school. Didnt bother me.

[juuule]

That's what mine have done, k999

[oneopinionatedmother]

i think there is a confusion about what getting kids to eat dinner before puds means- it doesn't necessarily mean any additional attention (as where poss, i put the food in front of her and ignore until its gone, then give milk for afters. there is no attention to be gained by meal-refusing - i think whichever method you go for this is one thing commentators agree on)

though this is more difficult with spoon-fed meals, i just try to look out of the window whilst waiting for her to finish each mouthful.

i think you get a pretty good idea of how much is enough over a week or so (given that this amount isn't constant given growth spurts) Plus, if i think a meal isn't going to be finished, i'l sneak a bite or two myself whilst she's not looking to ensure the end amount is eaten without a fuss.

ime making kids eat dinner before puds makes for better eating, less fuss.

of course if someone else want to do different, who am i to say they are wrong? after all, even if on average kids just overeat when allowed to, it doesn't mean everyones will.

[juuule]

I'm not that bothered which order they eat dinner or pudding. They've had their pudding before dinner before now and still eaten their dinner. I also don't have a rule that it must be finished within a certain time. If a 2yo wasn't finished when everyone else was I've left it for a while as I've found they sometimes get down for a while and then go back and finish it later. It all evens out as they get older and hasn't caused any problems.