Irresponsible father or overreacting mother?

[mammya]

My dd aged 2 spends every other weekend at her father?s. A few weeks ago, he needed to go upstairs and as he hasn?t got a stair gate, he told her to stay downstairs. As you can imagine, she didn?t stay downstairs, tried to climb up the stairs and predictably, fell down. Luckily she wasn?t badly hurt, just a few bruises. Of course when he told me I was livid and told him either to get a stair gate or to take her with him when he goes upstairs.

He still hasn?t got a stair gate, and I have now found out that he still leaves her downstairs by herself. I cannot understand how he can be so irresponsible, I have asked, pleaded, shouted for him to get a stair gate. He says of course he doesn?t want her to get hurt but always has a ?good? excuse not to get one.

I am now very worried that one day she will fall down the stairs and get seriously injured. I don?t know what to do, short of saying that she will not go to his place unless he gets a stair gate, which will certainly create arguments. Also I really value my ?free? weekends and don?t want dd to miss out on contact with her father.

Am I overreacting? I would really appreciate your thoughts on this, as I am not sure how to handle the situation.

I've not got stairgates, ever since I spoke to a chinese colleague who tells me they just don't have them in China, and the kids learn quite quickly how to climb stairs safely.

There's billions of chinese toddlers living happily without stairgates!!

I'm sure there's going to be a big scandal soon about the chinese covering up how many deaths there really are from tumbling down stairs without stairgates....

Mum2Toby, my really got the hang of the stairs (backwards on his belly) when he spent a day with his cousins watching them do it. Do you have any friends with stair friendly children of a similar age to your ds? You could organize a "stair" day.

LOL SofiaAmes!!

I'm going to visit the future in-laws for a few days this weekend. His cousins are of a similar age (slightly older). Good idea!! I'll let them spend some time practising.

I have never used stairgates, My children have never fallen down the stairs. how will she learn to use stairs if she never has the opportunity? At 2 she should be able to negotiate stairs wtih no problem at all. Spend 15 minutes teaching her how to bottom bump down - she'll love it - end of problem.
Only stair gate I ever used was nowhere near stairs, and just enabled me to trap them in the kitchen instead of chasing them all over the house constantly

SofiaAmes, the Chinese are just practising natural selection. Eventually, all Chinese children will be born with the ability to negotiate stairs safely.

Ok, for the record, dd can go up and down stairs with no problems. I have a stair gate at home as the stairs are very steep and because of layout it would be easy for her to miss her turning and fall all the way down. The problem at her dad's is not to go down, but up. The stairs are covered with very thick carpet which makes them very slippery, and this is why I think she fell down. Some very interresting points, though, thanks for all your advice and comments.

wiltshirelass & lindy - we share the same approach to stairgates - use them as pens - although mine is to keep them OUT of the kitchen!

soupdragon or should that be

My take on this is that the point is using stairs under supervision. Yes, you have to teach them to use the stairs, but using them when you are there and using them when he has bogged off to the loo are 2 different things. I think you are right mammaya and I don't want to worry you, but what's he like with kettles and hot drinks? I only ask because my dh is hopeless. I have to tell him, and move the teapot/mug away from the edge of the table EVERY DAY.

Droile, he's actually OK with hot drinks (I think... I hope... OH GOD) No only joking, I know he's careful with that. And thanks for your comment about using stairs with supervision, I wanted to say that but my last posting was a bit hurried so forgot.
On a happy note, I'm so chuffed a thread I started got so many replies (until recently I only managed to kill threads...)

Result: he finally got a stairgate! But then I did warn him that I would nag him until he did...