I am so sad, my DD woke up desperately upset a minute ago...

[PavlovtheForgetfulCat]

She had been asleep for just over an hour.

She was crying 'mama, mama, mama' and was really upset. I went in to comfort her and said 'i am here baby girl are you ok' and she was sat up in bed, tears streaming down her face, and said 'mama, mama, i need, i need i need yoooou' while in tears.

I picked her up, and said 'shhhh, its ok i am here' and she said 'i so missed you, i so so missed you mama. I don't want you to go to work again' and started crying and trying to speak saying 'i, i, i, i want'.

I broke my heart. How on earth do i deal with that? I feel very tearful and quite guilty.

I have been poorly with hyperemesis and been off work for 5-6 weeks. I have hardly been able to do a thing with her, but I have been here the whole time, and she has been really into bringing me in a drink of water when I wake up from a nap etc, coming in for snuggles when I am feeling better.

And I am back at work. And she keeps saying she does not want me to go, but not been upset like this. Yesterday, after work, I took her to the beach on the train, all afternoon, just me and her. And this evening, I played bears. And I am doing more now I am less sick.

And I don't want to go to work either . I want to play with her all day But more than that I don't want her to be sad

How old is she?

3 a week today.

How old is she Pavlov?

Oh sweetheart, what a lovely little girl you have there.
She obviously has enjoyed looking after you (that has made me inexplicably weepy), you are doing as much as you can.
It will get easier.
Just keep letting her know that you love her.

Your poor DD. She will be fine though, you did the best thing. She probably feels like there is a lot of change going on with you being pregnant AND poorly as well. When I was pregnant with DD2, we lived with my parents and DD1 went through some terrible moods as she knew I wasn't as capable as I was before. Give her an extra cuddle before you go to bed.

Oh I had a day like that too when ds was shrieking with laughter as we played in a paddling pool at the park - just us. And the next day he came out so happily with me and his face fell as he realised he was going to nursery and I was going to work.
No advice, but lots of empathy.

It is clearly praying on her mind. She has always been fine with me being at work. But I guess having such a long time off even though I have not been much fun I have been here. I try to do stuff with her before work and after work and my hours are reduced at the moment anyway.

She is just the best little girl lizzy she is going to be such a great sister. She did love looking after me. She would rub my back as I was sick, when I was not able to ask her to wait outside (!) and say, 'shhh its ok sweetheart, baby is just wriggling'

The only advice I can offer is DD was a little older than this when DP and I split.Huuuuuge separation anxiety about me working,where I was etc and all I have done is tell her "I will never leave you,I may have to work but I will always be with you at night/teatime/breakfast-whatever suits.I keep telling her I will never leave her.
Different situation I know but she now believs me,whenI say I will be picking her up/back at home etc,I am and she is now much better.
Good luck-it is a horrible feeling.

Aaw you poor thing and poor dd, do you work full time?

It will have been unsettlng to her for you to be ill for so long too. I think you just need to hang on in there, and both readjust to you working again and the routine of it, and really enjoy quality time as often as you can.

I had HG too when Pg, glad you are feeling a little better.

It sounds like a sleep terror to me. So whilst upsetting for you I wouldnt read too much into it.

She will certainly get over you going back to work and adjust quickly. And she will be safe and secure and loved.

You are aware that you don't want to go back to work and it makes it far worse IMHO. But see it as a nightmare / sleep terror about monsters and you'll feel better I'm sure

I had a couple of weeks where DS (2.1) would quietly sob to himself in the back of the car on the way to nursery. Not big attention-seeking crying, just quiet tears rollinig down the face. One night when I was tucking him in he said "I cry today". "Why did you cry sweetheart?" "Mummy go to work".

I'm so sorry Pav, it just breaks your heart.

Oh, Pavlov. She will feel ok about it soon, you know that, but I understand why you feel so sad. She just loves her mama, that's obvious, but she knows you love her and will be there for her, work or no work.

To cheer you up - dd (about the same age) - this morning fell over and daddy would just not do. I came down to her and we talked about how nice daddy had been - then she lurches forward, gives me a big cuddle with re head on my knee and says:

"Who's the best mummy in the world?"

Me (all warm inside) "I don't know. Who is the best mummy in the world?"

dd "Nanna!"

hmm.

Awww, how lovely!
She is going to be a fab big sister

She will adjust, she will, just keep on doing what you're doing, you sound a great Mom.

Sweetfall - that does make me feel better. Because as she fell asleep she said 'i want to go home' which made me think she was not fully awake. And over the last couple of week she has woken up about 3 times crying desperately, saying over and over again 'mama, mama, mama' and being inconsolable for no apparant reason, she seemed frightened but could not tell us what was wrong, and could not be calmed until she 'woke up'. I guessed then that it might have been a nightmare/night terror. It is really frightening.

I will try to put this evening down to that then. But given that she says 'i don't want you to go to work today' when we get up, although she is not upset when she says it, made me feel it is really praying on her mind .

for those of you who have experienced similar. Its the first real guilt I have felt since being at work. I always felt I was doing the right thing being there. I know I am (for our family) but it just hit me really hard.

sweetfall is right pavlov... she will have forgotten about this in the morning but you will still be wracked with guilt.
Please don't beat yourself up about it. You are doing the absolute best you can and that is more than enough...
She sounds totally scrumptious and adorable btw.

there is a really good book called something like My Mum Loves Me which is about a mum going to work and how she spends the entire day missing her son and the doing loads of fun things when she gets home. My DD loves it. I do think it is a phase as well. DD is 2.5 and i was off with her for a week last month. When I went back we had a few difficult mornings but she seems to have got better again. Poor you - it is heartbreaking.

this is the book, I got the title wrong

aw habbibu how cute and so not the right answer eh .

We have a little game at home where DH will say 'who is the boss?' to DD and she will laugh and run over to me and say 'mama of course' and then DH will tickle her until she say 'daddy's boss' and then I ask her and she says 'daddy's boss ' until I tickle her. Then sometimes she will say 'daddy is the boss cos he has a beard'

ingles she is totally scrumptious even if I say so myself! She still makes me weepy with how lovely she is (not just pg hormones, I have always been like it with her). DH and I are very very lucky parents. I would not have dreamed of a child like her. Or of feeling this way about another person. I think that is why it upsets me. I cannot bear to see her upset.

browntrout that looks like an excellent book, I shall buy it when DH comes home with my debit card

I had a night like this the other night - my DS woke up screaming. Literally, I struggled to calm him down and he was muttering all sorts of stuff. Some of it was about me going to work, some was about his spots (he had chicken pox last week), some was about 'see Keisha' who is my friend's daughter. At that point, I realised he was just sleepily ranting about a whole load of stuff that is bouncing around in his head - we went to see them for the weekend and I honestly think he just likes the way the words sound.

Anyway, it was very unsettling indeed but he was right as rain the next morning. But it is horrid I agree.

Have some guilty WOHM non-MN hugs

Spice - DD does have a great imagination and she does like to sound things out that she hears or likes to practice.

I feel calmer thanks everyone

{accepts the non MN WOHM hug with appreciation }

DD spends most of her time with daddy at the moment as he lost his job so is house biatch husband atm. When we went to the beach yesterday, he picked us up from the train station and was desperate to see him. When he pulled up she wanted to go round to the drivers side where he had the window open and she just threw herself out of my arms into his through the open window (its a big car so she was able to do that!) and said 'i so missed you daddy'. So thinking back, and coupled with what spicemonster was saying, maybe she has learnt something new about missing us and she is letting us know she knows when we are not there, and that she is pleased to see us when we come back. A learning of her own emotions? I had not thought of that until just now prompted by nahui.

DH was very pleased as he has not had much chance for her to miss him lately as he is with her most of the time.

It is absolutely dreadful, I'm sure they get issued with a manual "here is a way to make your mother feel like shit. Warning: will not work on a dad".

Ds does this all the time. "But I will miss you at work Mummy". Well yes darling I will miss you too, but what you fail to grasp (understandably) is that your father is chronically ill and so either I go to work or no-one does and that's not really sustainable, is it? I have to go to work to earn money, I don't know what else to say to you. You don't like it, dh actually doesn't like it but he knows better than to say, this is all I have".

Ds can turn it on over nothing, btw, they are more than able for some emotional blackmail. Take heart.