Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

going to a new mum and toddler group- does anyone else quake with fear?

34 replies

giraffeski · 09/05/2005 08:26

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

WideWebWitch · 09/05/2005 08:28

I have to say I'm not usually a scaredy about talking to new people at all but I walked into a toddler session recently and surprised myself by quaking! There were about 50 kids/adults though, or maybe it just sounded like it! Anyway, I coudn't go because they had a huge waiting list but it put me off tbh. Good luck, all I can suggest is that you're friendly and ask about people's children, they're bound to answer surely?

ghosty · 09/05/2005 08:34

giraffeski ... I am the Queen of New Playgroups ... due to the fact that we have moved house a billion times (slight exaggeration there) in the last 3 years ...
Like WWW I am not usually scared but I understand those who are ... the best way, like WWW says, is to talk to people about their children ... "Isn't your DD gorgeous, how old is she?" ... compliment people on their kids, no one will ignore you for that ... OR ask someone if there is a good swimming pool nearby as you have just moved to the area and want to take your DD swimming ... it would be a very rude person to avoid the bit that you had just moved to the area ... ask someone to recommend a good nursery or school ....
HTH a bit ...

Tommy · 09/05/2005 08:41

and don't give up after only one week if people don't talk to you! I reckon you need to go at least 3 times to get a feel of a place and by then people will recognise you.
Good luck

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Original poster

giraffeski · 09/05/2005 08:47

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

ghosty · 09/05/2005 08:55

Definitely agree with Tommy on going more than once ....
Be smiley and confident (even if you don't feel it) ...
I went to an awful playgroup for a while which was run by a power crazy woman who used to tell people off for putting drinks cups on the table rather than handing them to the individual child ... she also told off my friend for cutting up the fruit in the wrong way ... she used to chat with her friends and then stop when someone walked nearby ....
I even heard her tell someone not to come again because her toddler cried too much and it upset the other children.
I complained (wrote a letter to say why I wasn't going back there anymore .... and told them that I didn't think their playgroup was welcoming to the people who needed it) ...
The one I go to now is lovely .... although the lady who runs it does have a slight 'I am in charge' type attitude and walks around most of the session with a clipboard in her hands ... there must be a 'type' of person that runs playgroups maybe?

fastasleep · 09/05/2005 08:58

I'm one of these sad people that quake with fear if I miss my regular playgroups more than once but they're usually fun! I think the trick is to not go to make friends with parents at all...just be polite and smiley... and just let your little one run rampant! I find that playgroups are nearly always cliquey!

triceratops · 09/05/2005 09:15

I always try to speak to new people at playgroup when they come in. It can be hard though when you are trying to keep track of your own horror or to keep on the right side of some scary other mum.

Freddiecat · 09/05/2005 09:47

I stopped going after 2 sessions. It was me, DD and DS sitting on a mat playing together so didn't seem much point. Very cliquey.

compo · 09/05/2005 09:53

I've recently started to go to one and at first I was very nervous. I have a one year old ds and everyone else there had 2 year old little girls. However most of the mums are very friendly so I look forward to it now. Just persevere and grit your teeth and think, i'm doing it for the kids!!

Lonelymum · 09/05/2005 09:56

Yes keep going. I went to a new group three weeks ago and have always managed to think up an excuse not to go back since (even though it was quite friendly). Now I have lost my bottle and don't think I can ever go back.

fastasleep · 09/05/2005 09:58

Lonelymum I'm just like you! If I miss one or if my friend isn't going then I think up a million excuses and bottle out...it's really silly isn't it.... I must go to at least one this week!

Lonelymum · 09/05/2005 10:00

But haven't you got a thousand more important things to do like file your nails? Clean out the kitchen cupboards? Hoover the garden? I actually find Mumsnet a bit of a draw, rather than having to be real.

fastasleep · 09/05/2005 10:08

Hoover the garden hmm... yes it could do with it...

triceratops · 09/05/2005 10:14

I wouldn't know anyone else with children if it weren't for mother and toddler groups. I have found out loads of useful information on schools, nurseries and days out. It is hard work but if you smile and watch your body language and talk about kids you will break in.

QueenEagle · 09/05/2005 10:30

Yes I do! And I'm usually quite confident but hate going to playgroup where I don't know anyone. I've tried the "Oh isn't your baby beautiful" routine and chat for a little while then they go back to talking to the people they're sitting with. Very very cliquey. I stuck it out for a couple of months, just let my ds3 run around doing his own thing but sat on my own throughout the session. Even when I was pregnant with ds4 and there were 2 other preg mums there, they sat in a corner with their heads together most of the time.

Tbh I can't be arsed and although I think my little ones might be missing out, it just seems like too much hard work and I've got better things I can be doing with my time.

saadia · 09/05/2005 11:04

I wasn't a huge fan of the one I went to either, too cliquey, except for once when I went there was a mum there and we got along really well just totally on the same wavelength and nattering the whole time but she was starting a degree course the following week and wouldn't be coming back, but I guess it can be worth going in that you never know there might be new people.

Donbean · 09/05/2005 11:15

I cant believe that i feel so awkward and uncomfortable at play group but i do!
Cant help it. They all apear to know each other and stick together.
I went about 4 times and then just thought to myself that i really cant be bothered with it and its not like they have got a great deal to offer ds any way so i stopped going.
I did make one friend there and she has continued to go and now months later (i recently went back) no one seems to talk to her still! She isnt bothered though by it.

Original poster

giraffeski · 09/05/2005 12:45

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

ghosty · 09/05/2005 20:50

Well done giraffeski ....

HappyDaddy · 09/05/2005 22:53

Haven't been to any yet and dd is 11.5 months...

compo · 09/05/2005 22:55

the thing that gets my goat is that as a SAHM I feel duty bound to go. But dh if he was a SAHD wouldn't bother... grrr...

hatsoff · 09/05/2005 22:59

I'm usually a wuss about being the stranger at any sort of gathering but have found the old play group thing great for my confidence. If I change my week around and end up going to one where I'm not a regular I can now happily breeze in, not knowing anyone, may be try to chat a bit to a friendly face, may be not if there aren't any. In fact quite enjoy not chatting and just enjoying playing with dd, and then breeze out again. It's the freedom of not caring any more. Nice people will be nice the others can swivel. I'm newly liberated in this respect - used to very pathetic and needy.

Cristina7 · 09/05/2005 23:44

I went to a M&T group today. As DD is only 10 weeks old I went for myself, not for her. I know one of the organisers, which was a great confidence booster. I just got up and then sat myself near each person and told them my name and asked them about their child etc. I'll go again as I felt OK. With DS 5 years ago I went a few times to a different one and it was one of the reasons I decided I just needed to go back to work.

colditz · 09/05/2005 23:46

There is a type of person who runs playgroups. She used to be captain of the netball team at school. Guarenteed.

hatsoff · 10/05/2005 10:05

colditz - I totally agree. Which is why I love my regular playgroup - it's run by committee - there's no power hungry organizer - and we all (officially committee members or not) chip in. You sign up for a job each session and we just generally agree to do longer term things like meet up in an evening to clear up and clean out the toy cupboards. Obviously there's an official key holder for the hall and someone does the accounts, but it's really casual.

Flip

1 2