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Parenting

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Original poster

Tell me about things that are better with two DCs than with one...

58 replies

LenniEd · 25/05/2009 18:31

So no.2 is now 5mo and DD is 2.5yo and I'm starting to get a bit down about the divide and conquer approach that seems to have become the norm around here - i.e. me usually stuck nursing DS whilst DH plays/swims/generally does fun things with DD. Please can you tell me about all the lovely things to come that are better when you've got two...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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TheProvincialLady · 26/05/2009 08:54

MsMaggie I am so glad it is not just me then. I was feeling very guilty about it. I was even thinking I might have PND.

littlelamb · 26/05/2009 08:59

My dd has just been to stay with family for 2 weeks, and it's the first time I've really had with just ds. He is very nearly 1, she is almost 5. It was nice to have some time alone with ds but the thing you don't appreciate in the early days when you are feeling torn between them is how much they will mean to each other. My dd got off the train and ignored me, giving her little brother the hugest hug and makign him giggle like a loon. Now they can play together it is much much easier

FatGirlThin · 26/05/2009 09:04

Oh gawd when my two were little it was hell on wheels, bored toddler + very grumpy baby nearly drove me to distraction (seriously, panic attacks the works) ....fast forward a few years...

I woke up at quarter to eight this morning (only because dh got up) as dc had woken up and gone downstairs to play together. They do squabble sometimes but mostly they just LOVE each other, watching them in the garden turning the climbing frame into a helicopter/jungle base/wonderpets headquarters is fantasticl their conversations are hilarious and on days like this (peeing it down with rain) I don't need to worry that I'll have a bored child whingeing all day.

Honestly, honestly, it is REALLY worth it.
(oh and mine are 4 and 5yrs)

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Jojay · 26/05/2009 09:07

I so agree with everyone who says that they get left with the baby while DH / Granny etc gets to have fun with the toddler.

I had words with DH in the end, and said that just because I'm bfing, doesn't mean he can't do anything with DS2. DS2 now nearly 7 months so I hope we're starting to come out the other side, but I know where you're coming from.

Looking forward to great times ahead of us!

FatGirlThin · 26/05/2009 09:10

The Provincial Lady (and OP) - when mine were at the ages yours were I used to ring dh EVERY day in tears begging him to come home from work early. Honestly it is the toughest time, things will get better I promise.
My best advice is to get out to toddler groups where your older one can play and wear themselves out and you can get a bit of adult company (same with seeing friends - oh and weed out the friends that are remnents from the 'I'm desperate to talk to anyone with a baby' stage of your first baby and stick with the ones who understand/are sympathetic!). It sounds harsh but doing that saved my sanity.
Also, if your current toddler group is a nightmare, find another one, there are great ones out there. Good Luck

cory · 26/05/2009 09:29

sending them off shopping on their own

a blissful morning on MN is made even more blissful by the knowledge that it's not me who has to traipse around Clare's and Games

IwoulddoDrWho · 26/05/2009 13:53

I am now remembering the hell that was 3 years ago. The first summer I had DD2 and DD1 was 2/3 I used to get DH to work at home one day a week just so there was another adult around. I really looked forward to it!

It does pass. Take it easy. Do nice things for yourself as often as you can. Don't feel guilty. You have to look after yourself or they all go down, so justify it that way!

screamingabdab · 26/05/2009 16:22

FatGirlThin Yep, I had forgotten that, I also used to phone DH in tears.

TheProvincialLady · 26/05/2009 16:44

Toddler groups.....they are OK but DS1 isn't 100% through his violent stage yet so I can't relax at all. I have to be standing right next to him just in case I take your point about getting out of the house though, it helps a lot.

Best of all though - DH is a teacher so he is on half term at the moment And only 6 weeks until 7 weeks off, hurray!

shish · 26/05/2009 19:25

Some encouraging wwords of advice. I have ds1 2.11 years and ds2 9 weeks. Finding it so hard . Seems like such a long way off before it gets any better or I feel like i have any organistaiion

SoupDragon · 26/05/2009 19:30

It took me about 5 years to work it out, then I was creating an online montage of photos of DS1 and 2 for MN and thought "Wow! They're brothers!" and realised that DS2 was a great gift to give DS1

LilianGish · 26/05/2009 19:48

I have the same sexes, the same gap and in the same order. As soon as ds starts crawling you'll start to feel the benefit. Seeing mine playing together at that age I remember thinking dd had been deprived as an only one! They are eight and six now - ask them to name their best friend and without hesitation they say each other. Constant companions, partners in crime, obviously they scrap and squabble, but they really, really love each other - you've given dd the best present you could ever give her and the same goes for ds.

Original poster

LenniEd · 26/05/2009 20:34

Glad I'm not the only one who has pleaded with their DP to come home and HELP!! Or the only one who has thought this really wasn't such a good idea. It's given me a lot of hope to hear things get better with crawling... that isn't so far off really.

Shish You really are in the worst part from my experience - beyond the newborn stage when there is help to be had and you can go easy on yourself for not keeping on top of things but not yet in any kind of routine or with any decent amount of sleep. After 5 months with two I am finding normal things easier, partly because DS is more predictable now and DD has adjusted to having a brother but mainly because I have learnt how to cope. DS turned a corner at about 12 weeks when he started settling into a more predictable routine.

OP posts:

screamingabdab · 26/05/2009 20:48

SoupDragon That's right, DS2 is a gift.

DS1 doesn't admit to seeing it that way ...... (he can't fool me though, I know he loves his little brother )

SoupDragon · 26/05/2009 20:51

Oh yes, I know DS1 doesn't mean it when he hits DS2, chases him and shouts that he hates him...

ilovespinach · 26/05/2009 20:52

I have 2 ds's 3.1 and 16 months.

I haven't read all of the posts so sorry if repeating....

The first year was veryhard but it got easier once ds2 started to walk around and wasn't so dependent on me....

Of course, there are lots and lots of fights but seeing them interact together is wonderful. DS2 obv adores his big brother and they run around laughing - they only have to look at eachother in the right mood and they're in stiches.

sweetgrapes · 26/05/2009 20:56

In the evening I was sitting mn'ing in peace and these big squeals of laughter were coming from upstairs. I am redundant unless they are hungry (almost).
Dd is 7 and ds is 3.

purplemonkeydishwasher · 27/05/2009 08:18

i've only had 2 for a month but so far i do love the fact that DS loves his little sister so much! i took her out of bed the other morning to change her and he cried that I was taking his sister away. he loves to look at her and talk to her and hold her hand.

(and you really don't appreciate how easy babies are until you have a 3yo and a baby. the 3yo is wayyyyy harder!!)

bohemianbint · 27/05/2009 08:34

I like this thread - it's cheered me up. Have a 9m and a 2.9y and had a particularly bad week.

naturalblonde · 27/05/2009 08:38

My dd1 is 2.8 and dd2 is 8months. They play so nicely together now and adore each other. dd2 gets so excited every time she sees dd1 she practically throws herself out of my arms when dd1 appears.

They share a room, and I often hear dd1 singing to dd2 to stop her crying. Last night I peeked in after bedtime to find dd1 with her pyjama top over her head playing peekaboowith dd2 who was laughing so hard.

It's not always perfect, dd1 can get quite jealous of dd2, but most of the time they entertain each other. dd1 even told me when dd2 was eating fluff off the floor the other day when i hadn;t noticed.

ProfYaffle · 27/05/2009 09:02

Having 2 is just magic. Mine are 5 and 2 now and it's golden, honestly. They are proper friends and will play together for hours. dd2 cries when we leave dd1 at school and says "where my dd1?".

They get up to all kinds of mischief together. Yesterday I put a tent up in the yard for them to play in, 10 mins later there's an ominous rustling in the kitchen and went in to find an upsidedown tent with 2 pair of feet sticking out of the door standing there.

This wasn't long after dd1 had coloured in dd2's face with felt tips to look like a leopard.

It's just lovely to watch them, heads bent together, concentrating on some game they've just made up, or when dd1 takes dd2's hand as they're walking down the street, or when one of them spontaneously offers to share their sweets with her sister.

screamingabdab · 27/05/2009 09:24

Feeling all warm and lovely

(mind you, one of them is at Sports Camp for the day ......)

merryberry · 27/05/2009 09:44

at 3.10 and 14 months my two will go and play together for 10 minutes at a time. and the busy baby will just rummage around after big brother other times, watching. tis really lovely. and restful.

SoupDragon · 27/05/2009 13:53

Oh, I nearly wept when I spied on them doing a summer tennis morning. They all had to pair up to pick up the balls scattered around and DS2 strode up to DS1 and said "I'm with him. he's my brother."

[sob]

shish · 27/05/2009 16:03

Lennied - It's ds2 not being so unpredictable that's so hard. I hope things turn a corner for me soonlike they did for you. Ds1 loves his brother, so that's not a problem - he's just desperate for them to be able to play together. I hope some kind of routine comes soon..

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