Give me positives of a larger age gap to shut up my interfearing Mother!

[Sheeta]

We have 1 DS who's 18mo, and we did initiall think a 2 - 2/12 year age gap would be good for us.

For various reasons (money/work/childcare costs/PND) we've decided against this and are probably aiming for at least a 4 year age gap.

My mother, in her infinite wisdom said "that's really really bad" when the subject came up for the 50th time...

So.. .positives please. Tell me your stories of 4+ year age gaps and why they're so brilliant.

obviously I meant interfering.

We have a 5.5 year age gap. Positives are - ds1 is a lot more independent, and responsible enough to be left to watch ds2 for a few minutes on his own, fetch things if asked etc. And we're not paying 2 lots of nursery fees at the same time!

Why not tell her you're trying and that it's just taking a RREEEEAAALLLLYYYY long time?

positives - one is pretty much at school when the next one comes along - means you can concentrate on each of them more for their first 4 years.

First one is pretty independent by 4 so easier to have 2.

Struggling to think if more to be honest (there is only 18 months between mine .

Bottom line - it has nothing to do with your mum - you make the choices that suit you at the time you have to make them.

there's a 6 yr gap between my two and it's nice, I would have prefered a 4yr gap becauise I think 6yrs is a long time for dd1 to have had us to herself so then it took a bit of adjusting for her when dd2 came along but apart from that it's brilliant. Dd1 helps dd2 and dd2 helps keep dd1 from being too grown up (eg they play babies together etc which if an only child dd1 might not still be playing with now she's almost 10 but I think because dd2 wants to play dd1 joins in and probably will do for long er than she would have done iyswim)

We have a nine-year age gap.
Positives - no fighting over toys. Babysitting!!
More money because only DS2 needs childcare.
Having a lot more help in the house when you have a tiny baby.
Having a third person to read books to the little one.
Having a comparatively grown-up conversation when DH is away and DS2 only wants to discuss Ben10.

I would admit that the negatives are that there are only a select few things that you can do as a family without someone moaning. 15 year olds and six year olds are not interesting in many of the same things.

4 years is nothing, i have a 17 yr age gap between my 2, arf

pros are:

live in babysitter
no squabbling over toys/clothes/tv

cons:

cant think of any right now

I just can't cope with the idea of having another baby at the moment, let alone actually going through it! Just about feel as though we're getting our lives back a bit (DS only started sleeping through at 16mo) and I want to enjoy him as a toddler. I don't like being pregnant and got awful SPD last time..

Just not ready yet, and wish my Mother would just shut up about it...

Guess she wants another GC to play with as she's retiring this year.

There is 5 1/2 years between DS1 and DS2 and it's great. DS1 helps out and (fortunately for us) there have been no jealousy issues. When DS2 was born it was during term time so DS1 didn't feel as though he was lacking attention or pushed out of place because he was at school during the day with his friends. It meant that during my maternity leave I had the whole day to concentrate on DS2.

5 years between myself and my brother. We're closer than a lot of my friends without the gap. We hardly bickered for siblings and have always got on well. He used to look after me.
DB was at school when I was born so I got myturn to have my mum on my own.

Tell her you're not having any more. That'll distract her ...

I never really get all this fuss about age gaps. Most people get what they get, it's not something you can totally plan is it? Some people want small gaps and don't manage to conceive, others want big gaps and conceive 'by accident'.

Big gaps work better with some personalities (of the siblings involved) and small gaps work better with others. You can't plan what the children will be like!

There are loads of pg mums in the playground at the moment (well, 4 or 5) all of whom are looking at a surprise baby after a long gap (6 years, 8 years). Something in the air around here, obviously! But they'll all be fine.

And so will you.

Suggest she gets a dog to satiate her need for something to play with?

Six year between me and my two siblings, I think it is great. We each got time to be the "baby". I frequently babysit for my Mum, my DD adores my youngest brother (10). My Mum has genuinely different people at all times iyswim, not just two toddlers, three teens etc. Spreads out the hideous teenage years. Not hit with three lots of school fees at the same time. Very little jealously or sibling rivalry, no arguements.

Loads of positives imo but that's all largely irrelevant, I suggest you just tell her to keep her nose out of it!

Or just tell her you're trying. Not much she can say then

we have got a 4/5 year gap and its been great - as other have said about the childcare costs and the eldest being in school so you only have the baby to focus on during the day.

Also you dont have to buy a new double buggy and you're only dealing with one set of nappies.

My ds also entertains the baby a lot just by being around - the baby will watch him and laugh etc and my ds gets things for me - like nappies and can yell if shes doing somewthing dangerous/destructive if I need to go the loo etc

VT - 17 years! It's great that you have positive things to say. DD is 13 and DP has started talking about having a baby, I am slowly coming round to the idea. The one thing which g me stop in my tracks is the large age difference (as well as christ, a crying baby at night again!)

FWIW there is a 9 year age gap between my brother and me (he is younger). We have alwasy had a fantastic relationship, we have only had one argument in 22 years (I was late picking him up from football once), we love each other to bits. We have always said that if we were closer in age that we probably wouldn't have got on so well.

tell her to mind her own business

My current positive is the older one can do the younger one's bed time story when everything else is going pear shaped (4.8 year gap), proving very handy.

And when the first one goes onto middle/secondary school where you never really see any of the other mothers, you make a whole new bunch of friends when the youngest starts reception and have plenty of people to talk to at the school gates.

Also, very importantly, it gives you more time to devote to looking after your completely barking mother (something I hope you don't need to deal with !)

As the else of 4 the ages gaps between me and my siblings are 4 yrs, 8 yrs and 14yrs. We're all close. I have most in common with the second youngest. I have a very trusting and parental relationship with the youngest (who is now 15, and finding having a sister to confide in who is also a trusted adult a big positve.)

And we all got a chance to have our Mum all to our selves when little as the older ones were all at school.

I tihnk our gaps were perfect. My Mum wouldn't have managed more than 1 toddler at a time.

My DP is number 5 of 7. When a year after he was born no6 came along and there were 3 under 5. He had a ready made group of freinds, he's still very close to them. His Mum thinks her gaps were perfect (her idea of heaven is 3 toddlers at once.)

There no ideal, IMO.

Ewe - They've got two dogs, and they're frequently saying that they should never have had kids, should have stuck with dogs!

I have 5 years between mine (now 8 and 13). So far it's been brilliant. Dd was at school ahd had her own life when ds arrived. She was old enough to be reasoned with/bribed when ds was little, and to do proper stuff with him - she could change nappies and dress him and push his push chair - she loved it. Then when he got a bit bigger he had her as his ally and mediator with the grown ups - he worships the ground she walks on and she thinks he's wonderful! Once ds was 4ish, dd was old enough for them to go off and have adventures together, which they still do

LOTS of positives - but you do have to work hard at making the relationship work. It's well worth it, though.

I have 4 years between mine and it is perfect imo (but that's because both of my dc are

I can't explain any better than anyone else on here as to why a big age gap is great but my 2 are best buddies (5 and 1)and love being with each other- dd is fab with her brother and can b etrusted to supervise him while I go to the loo/ hang washing out/ take food out of the oven.

Go with what you're comfortable with- we waited this long for a number of reasons, including 2 miscarriages and got really p'd off with people asking us about it.

Yes, why do people assume it's their right to ask such intrusive questions.

I should just reply - 'well, we've been having lots and lots of sex, but it's just not happened yet'

That'd shut her up

There are 3.5 years, 4 at certain times of year, between me and sister and we are and have almost always been the very best of friends.

It's a very nice age gap.

You have your babies when you want them.

My friend has a 7 year gap between each of hers - so currently 15, 8 and 2. She says it's great.

Tell your mum you don't want to discuss it further. Repeatedly if necessary, but don't get drawn into justifying your (and DH's) decision

There is a ten year gap between dd1 and dd2.

DD1 (now 12) has just started getting up with DD2 (two) and giving her breakfast etc at the weekend - so me and DP can stay in bed til 9am.