Give me positives of a larger age gap to shut up my interfearing Mother!

[Sheeta]

We have 1 DS who's 18mo, and we did initiall think a 2 - 2/12 year age gap would be good for us.

For various reasons (money/work/childcare costs/PND) we've decided against this and are probably aiming for at least a 4 year age gap.

My mother, in her infinite wisdom said "that's really really bad" when the subject came up for the 50th time...

So.. .positives please. Tell me your stories of 4+ year age gaps and why they're so brilliant.

BIL1 = 42 this year
DH = 32 this year
BIL2 = 22 this year

So 20 years between BIL1 and BIL2

I do have a good argument I could throw at her (ignoring/saying you don't want to discuss doesn't work with Mother )

I'm the eldest, one sister is 21 months younger than me and my youngest sister is 6 years younger than me.

guess which one I am extremely close with, and which one i really can't stand

We have 1 yr age gap between DS1 and DD1, 20 year age gap between DD1 and DS2, and will be 3yr age gap between DS2 and DS3. Small or large gaps don't really matter. There will be pros and cons to each. It's what YOU are comfortable with that matters. Tell her to mind her own business.

There are 6 years between me and my sister. She would interpret my attempts to talk, read to me at night and was generally like a second mum to me. We did drift apart when she was a teenager because she didn't want a little sister hanging around with her, but after we both left home we were as close as we had been when we were small, and to this day we have a great relationship (although she is a little bossy, but I forgive her because she still looks after me so well!).

I think some people worry about the age difference too much. My mum didn't have any choice - she miscarried twice between having my sister and having me, so obviously she would have chosen to have a smaller gap, but it didn't work out that way. My sister and I certainly didn't feel like it was strange that there were 6 years between us, as we didn't know any different. I definitely feel luckier than my DP and his brother who are only a couple of years apart and STILL don't get on despite now being in their 30s (although that may have more to do with BIL being a complete psycho than the age gap!). I think you take your happiness as it comes, and I would advise your mum to do so too!

Sorry for not giving you any proper advice OP, but I hope your mum stops hassling you and realises that its not that important. Good luck with it all!

IMO a 4 year gap is the smallest you can go for to avoid jealousy issues.

4 year gap works really well for us - DD hero-worships DS, DS likes 'looking after' her and is old enough to reason with so no noticable sibling rivalry problems, but they are close enough to squabble a lot play together happily.

I have an 18mths gap between me and DB1 - we fought like cat&dog, he put me down at every opportunity and I gave up on lots of stuff as a result, and we don't like each other much now. 10 year gap between me and DB2 - we are and always have been very close and remain so as adults.

I do think a 4 year gap would work for us...

Bloody Mother - I do with she'd keep her opinions to herself.

never gonna happen

There is a four year gap between me and my sister and I think my parents were thankful for it.,

my kids are 19,16.2 vt im with you on this one

I have a 5.2 gap between my 2 an d it has been fantastic. We wanted a bit less of a gap - 4 and a bit years but these things don't happen like that do they?

I am enjoying my ds all the more because he is my second (and last) baby so I know to appreciate it all as it flies by. PLUS I have the time to focus on him because dd is at school so he gets the time and attention in the daytime - just as dd had (though obviously we have the school run now which ds loves!!).

I love the 9 year age gap between my little bro & I, I feel very close to him as I have held him since he was a babe and watched him grow into a handsome, kind and caring 19 year old. We've always done things as a family (me: 28, sister: 26 Bro: 19), the age gaps never seemed to prove a problem.

I have four and a half year gap between DS and DD mainly because I just wasn't ready any earlier to have another one. They have a really beautiful and funny relationship. DD worships DS and DS is her biggest toy! DS is so gentle and loving with her it makes me melt every time I watch them together. DS was also more independent when DD came along and is able to help out. They have both had their chance to be the baby. I really don't think I could have coped with them any closer together!

I would politely tell her to mind her own business as you are the one who has to bring the child up. 'But-out mother'

aww.. thank you for all your lovely replies.

very reassured that a bigger age gap is a good idea. I love the idea of being able to spend lots of time with DS the way he is now, and then going for #2 when he's almost ready for school.... it just makes sense to me on so many levels.

I LOVE spending time with DS atm.. I had such an awful time for his first year. terrible PND, and I just didn't bond with him until he was about 8mo, and now I just absolutely love him to the ends of the earth... I just want to spend all the time I can with him, and give him all the time I can, without worrying about a newborn and the inevitable PND (am terrified)

It was a revelation when I realised that we didn't HAVE to go for the 'ideal' 2 year age gap, counselling definitely helped with that decision, and all the pressure has been lifted. that is, of course, not counting dear Mother.

thank you all, it's been something i've been worrying/wondering about for ages so you've all helped a lot.

~passes out vino~

we have 5 year gap - has been great for us
ds1 really devoted to ds2 and vice versa

I have 9 years between DCs 2 & 3 - it means teenage babysitters on tap before you know it. And 4 years between No 3 & 4 - they're good friends and it's been great. And a complete doddle compared to the nightmare that was under 2 years between 1 & 2.

4 years 8 months between ours dd1 started school month after ds2 born works brilliant dd1 was only child for huge time now ds2 becomes only child in effect during school hours they love each other and are really devoted dd1 helps ds2 with loads of stuff e.g makes drinks etc when he wants them she is now 7 he is 2 1/2
at a birthday party the other day mine were sitting in a party room ds 2 looked up and shouted across to dd1 "I love you" she replied "I love you too" can't ask anymore than that surely

I have both.

A 2 year 8 day gap between ds1 and ds2 - they fight like cat and dog and adore each other in equal quantities.

and

Dd is 6 years 8 months and 4 years 8 months younger than her brothers. Both boys adore their little sister and there has been no jealousy at all so far (mind you she is currently only 4 months old).

It has also been much easier for me this time round as the boys are old enough to understand that sometimes (like when I'm breastfeeding) they have to wait for me to do things for them and they are a lot more independent and able to do more things for themselves. Having two under three was really hard work. They are also more than happy to entertain their sister for a few minutes while I am busy doing something else and the three of them are so cute together its lovely to see.

lesbianmummy i am welling up at that! i always wanted a big gap, nice to see i am not nuts.