Is a 2 - 2 1/2 yr age gap really that bad?

[jumblies]

Am feeling really depressed today. I am currently pregnant with my second baby and everyone who I've told has replied with a negative response to the age gap that my children will have between them.

My DD will be 2 yrs 3 months old when the new baby arrives. She is fairly clingy and we did not plan this pregnancy as I was going to try for a 3 plus age gap so that she would be more mature to deal with it.

I am really scared about how she will deal with it all, and more to the point how I will!!

Are there any positives to having an age gap like this?

There are 2 yrs 4 months between my first 2 and it was fine. Once the baby could get at DS's toys he wasn't so impressed but that could happen with any age gap. They are 8.2 and 5.9 now and mostly get on okay though DS can be mean to his siter.

There is 22 months between 2 and 3 and both 1 and 2 were brilliant when the baby came along. DD can be like a little mummy to him and the boys sometimes play together really nicely.

Take no notice of negative stories. Just answer with "thanks for that, very supportive."

oh no I had 2.2yrs between ds and dd1 and it is a fab gap. They are now 5 and 3 and adore each other. I actually think the younger the better for a gap. I then had 12mth gap between dd1 and dd2 and that has its own pros and cons but again they all get on well and no.4 is due in 3/4wks and will have 5.6yr gap from eldest to youngest so youngest will be 2.5yrs and again she cant wait for a new baby.
I think the age gap debate is different for everyone but with mine all being close in age it works really well for us!!

No anything over 20 months is fine ime

2.5yrs between mine, tis a lovely age gap, hard work to start with but they become so close as they get bigger, mine are now 5 and 3 and adore each other.

I have 2 years a 5 months between number one and two. It's a great age gap. DD loved to "help" me when DS was young and now they are 3.5 and 6 they play together really nicely (the odd fight here and there). They are fiercely protective of each other and they are l=close enough in age to be still into the same things. We still cuddle up every night and watch the bedtime hour on Cbeebies for example.

I agree with FBG, take no notice! Oh and congratulations on your pregnancy

I think any age gap has its ups and downs doesn't it?

Having more than one child has its ups and downs i would have thought 2 years 3 months is a pretty normal age gap it's certainly not a small age gap!!!!!!!

take no notice of silly people, you'll be fine

I have exactly 2.3 years between mine and although I can't say it's been particularly easy, I think it's easier than those with a smaller age gap and (I hope!) better for them in the long run than those with a larger age gap.

I think you could have problems whatever the age gap. Worrying about it is completely natural but when the baby comes you will probably be pleasantly suprised about how much easier it was than you had feared

Personally I think the problems start when no2 starts moving and can get at no1's toys. But by then you are more physically and emotionally ready to deal with it!

Good luck, please don't feel depressed, seeing the interaction between my two now (17 months and 3 and a half) has made it all worthwhile!

Most of my friends have an age gap like this and it has been hard at the start, but brilliant later on.
Their experiences were all totally different - one had a horrible time but her wee girl has always been, ahem, demanding. The rest have found it absolutely fine and apparently it is great when they are a bit older and amuse each other.

I am of them as my no.2 is not forthcoming!

I have 2 1/2 years between my 2 and yes it is tiring, but I think it would be pretty tiring with a bigger gap.

DS1 (3 1/2) is lovely with ds2 (1). It did help that ds1 was potty trained before ds2 arrived but that wasn't planned (he just started to ask to use the loo!).

Your dc will grow up having loads of fun together.

nothing bad about that that I can see

whatever the age gap, you will always have days when you feel the whole reproduction thing was a bad idea in the first place

but this seems a very standard age gap: millions of people cope with that all over the world

I found both mine were more clingy and demanding at 3 than at 2 anyway, so waiting another year wouldn't necessarily have made life easier

Thanks ladies. Think the morning sickness is also affecting my mood. Never had a hint of it the first time round so has come as a bit of a shock.

From what I read on mumsnet most of the time ppl say you should either have a very small gap or a large one but you don't tend to hear many positive reports on the age gap we are going to have. So I was already a little apprehensive and then to have ppl in real life confirming my fears hasn't helped.

I guess a lot depends on the personalities of the children involved. Unfortunately my DD is from the stubborn, willful but extremely loving mould. I will just try to ignore the negative comments.

xx

Am reading with interest as I will have a 2 1/2 year age gap when DC is born in October/Nov.
Nice to know the people you've told have been so supportive, jumblies .

We have 2.4 yrs between our 2 DS.

They get on great (partly due to v. different personalities which work well together).

We were lucky because DS1 is very gentle so we could happily trust him not to hurt the baby when he was little.

Now it's DS2 who beats up his big brother!

For me, it helped that my childminder took DS1 for half-days while I was on maternity leave with DS2, I didn't have whole days of dealing with both of them myself.

DS2 had nightmare reflux and didn't sleep for 2 years so this was necessary!

Good luck.

My SIL has 11 mths between hers, now that IS a nightmare!

2.5 between my two
And it was`nt a problem

Ds loved his little sister and would try and help

NOW 6 years later they do fight at times but that has nothing to do with age gap
Its siblings

What a load of rubbish people spout!

We have a 2yrs 8 months gap and it is fine. Yes - there is a period of a year or so when you're drowning in wee and poo and nappies, but the older one soon becomes old enough to help out/ be a bit mroe independent.

And when they're school age they're close enough to be able to play together.

'Tis fine!

I have 24 months between my 2. It's absolutely fine (they are now 3.2 and 1.2). They play together, there is no problem.

My DS (3.2) is a very poor sleeper and someone told me I was mad to get pregnant again when DS still didn't sleep. I thought it was really cheeky - people should keep their opinions to themselves I think. DS still is a poor sleeper - that's just how it is.

18 months between dd and ds1 and 2.5 years between ds1 and ds2

i love close age gaps, actually... i prefered the 18 month gap of the two!

ds1 is fine with ds2 though, no jealousy or problems. he was ridiculously clingy while i was pregnant, had to be carried everywhere and was quite difficult so we were bracing ourselves for the worst but he's not bothered by ds2 at all.... he's quite fond of him in fact!

That age gap sounds lovely! Do not panic it will be fine! I was worried that our gap (it will be 3.4 when new baby is here) was too long, I think we would worry whatever the gap, and people have opinions that enforce upon -us-- they like to share whatever we would do!

I have a 2.2 yr gap between DS & DD, who are now 4 and 23mo. So far it's been pretty good! DS loved helping when DD was a newborn, and adjusted to the huge change very easily. They play pretty well together now, of course they squabble over toys (youngest always wants what eldest is playing with) but they are learning to sort it out between themselves and I don't have to intervene too often. They are certainly never (yet!) aggressive towards each other. They are very close & affectionate and really gravitate towards each other.

So don't worry! It will all be fine! Of course it's hard work at times, but well worth it

no age gap is perfect!

i have 22 months between mine - it was very hard work at first but they are nearly 5 and 3 now and it's good - they play together pretty well, and we're all done with sleepless nights and nappies!

ds took dd's arrival pretty well - think the key for him was that he carried on his little routine (playschool etc) so that she didn't completely wreck his life?

My 4 all have between 22mths ans 2 1/2 years age gap and I can't find anything bad about it. I doubt it would have been much easier or much harder had the gap been bigger or smaller.

I do not think the gap matters that much really as we all have to "adapt" to whaterver situation is ours and get on as well as we can with it.

Crokky, I cannot believe the sort of thing people think it is ok to tell to a expecting mum!

I have an age gap just less than two years. I am still in the difficult stage, as my youngest still isn't sleeping in the night, so I am very tired BFing at night and running around after a toddler in the day. It also doesn't help that they have been ill on and off for ages.

But I think that unless you have a 5 or 6 year gap so the eldest is settled in school, this will always be the case. It's never easy to have a baby who wakes you up at night, and all my friends with smallish age gaps have told me that after the first year, things improve dramatically.

The advantages are (so far in my experience) that DD1 can now no longer remember what it was like before DD2 - she is just a normal part of the family. And that DD1 and DD2 are already interacting and playing together. I think that the gap between them shrinks very quickly, so that they can play at a similar level (and free you up to do other things ).

Even if the first 6 months are hard, you will get through it, I promise.

Surely 2 and a bit years is the most common age gap between siblings? It certainly seems that way when I look round my family and friends. Just don't listen to what people tell you, you'll be fine! Good luck.

Crokky, my DD has only just started sleeping through but is an incredibly early riser. I am preparing myself for the worst with the sleep thing.

Think the reaction from some of my friends is negative because they are the ones who still only have 1 child and they either plan not to have any more or are not ready for the next one yet. I have found that where I make parenting decisions that differ from theirs this kind of negativity has arisen before. I normally take it with a pinch of salt but the hormones are making me want to seek approval from everyone, bah!!

Well, I now I am nor "everyone" but I approve!