Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

pissed off DH says he could do my job this is his trial day

74 replies

hereidrawtheline · 08/05/2009 09:20

DH is home from work to help out we are having major problems with our puppy and probably have to rehome him.

So far he has had lovely long talks with DS really exploring DS's mind which is lovely meanwhile I am tidying up, dealing with the dog etc and he is doing one task at a time namely being a wonderful father to DS and it is pissing me off you know I would love to have nice long talks with DS in the day too but instead I have to manage him, appointments, animals, an aggressive puppy etc I dont fucking have the time.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ChopsTheDuck · 08/05/2009 09:21

why not go out somewhere and leave him to it?

Just doing one aspect is hardly doing your job.

ChairmumMiaow · 08/05/2009 09:23

He definitely needs to understand the reality of the situation!

(un?)fortunately for me, DH manages to get stuff done when he has DS (like hoovering really slowly so 15mo DS can help push it ) so I can't complain!

giraffesCantRunA10k · 08/05/2009 09:24

Leave him a list, retreat upstairs with copious amounts of tea and cakes and sit on mumsnet.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

TheCrackFox · 08/05/2009 09:25

go out and leave him to it.

ChairmumMiaow - my DH is the same, he actually does it better than me.

SunshineIsAMiracleCure · 08/05/2009 09:27

what is wrong with the puppy?

ProstetnicVogonJeltz · 08/05/2009 09:27

Go out for the day. or even better take a few weeks off . Once the novelty has worn off and he really has to start doing every little thing he'll appreciate you more. No lists or guidance. And also he then has to deal with the consequences of forgotten appointments and being late for things because he has been doing ohter stuff.

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 08/05/2009 09:28

It's 9.20am, how much would you have expected him to do so far?

Original poster

hereidrawtheline · 08/05/2009 09:30

The puppy is attacking my sons winky and biting and fighting us when we pull him off.

I know he can be trained out of it but in the meantime my DS is terrified of him now and shrieking and crying and having nightmares.

I wasnt supposed to have a real break today but he was supposed to be here to share the burden which he has in that I got a lie in but it just pisses me off he said he could do what I do and then he thinks on a busy stressful morning like this its ok to sit and linger over talks. I would LOVE to talk to DS like that but I am always having to rush him to get everything else done.

OP posts:

Original poster

hereidrawtheline · 08/05/2009 09:31

It isnt about a list of things to do its about that he just sat there having a lovely long time with DS in a very manic morning while I was doing everything else, and its the insult that I cant do that when I am home alone.

OP posts:

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 08/05/2009 09:34

But from his perspective, I am assuming he gets very little time to do such things, just to hang out with his son and have a leisurely morning?

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 08/05/2009 09:35

It also sounds like you are overworking things, what's so urgent it has to be done right now, can't you just take a break too and sod the tidying until later?

Doodle2U · 08/05/2009 09:35

STOP!

Just stop and make a brew.

Stick puppy in crate or whatever and STOP!

You're sounding like a right Moaning Martha.

10 minutes. The world is not going to stop turning if you take 10 minutes to your self and then come back to it all in a better mood.

Delegate. It's an easy skill. But don't ask in a pleading way. Just say, "Will you do this, this and this!" and then leave him to do it.

midnightexpress · 08/05/2009 09:42

You sound very stressed hereidrawtheline. You need to take a step back and breathe.

Stop doing everything. What really needs doing? And yes, you should have nice talks with your DS, even if life is busy. TBH it sounds more as if you want him home to understand what you do rather than because you want him to help, if that makes sense.

Sorry if I sound a bit harsh, I do know where you're coming from - DP is currently the main carer here as I'm working and he's not and I think it was a bit of a shock to him. But it sounds like you need to talk to him calmly about your concerns. You seem a bit frantic.

Original poster

hereidrawtheline · 08/05/2009 09:45

oh fucking hell I shouldnt have bothered

I am not a fucking moaning martha I dont have TIME To write it all down

Fuck it

I cant go anywhere for support at the moment clearly I am just doing everything wrong and its all my fault - ridiculous I know but each time I am trying to turn somewhere for support it always comes back to me moaning and I fucking am not. I have been on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I have spent days sobbing so hard I cant breathe. DH took today off to HELP me, last night he said he could cope fine without me and do everything I do. So today he sits and has a heart to heart with DS for 30 mins while I am getting the shit bitten out of me by this puppy and rescuing DS's cuddly toys etc from him and tidying the house because it is a disaster site and someone connected to DS's welfare will be here in 30 mins and everything and I just thought, god, on a day like today if DH wasnt here I would not be able to sit and have a lovely long talk I would be rushing him to get dressed and use the potty and all because I would have 100 other things to do.

Meanwhile puppy is lunging for DS and I cant crate him today he isnt crate trained and will howl the house down you cant just go from nothing to full on with a crate. DS is scared of the howling anyway.

We just got this month old puppy and it appears he has some issues it isnt my fault he wasnt trained or socialised whatsoever before I had him I was told the complete opposite.

And I dont plead for what its worth.

OP posts:

midnightexpress · 08/05/2009 09:48

Crikey. You really need to calm down. If he says he can do it, then GO OUT. Really, Just do it. GO and have a walk or a coffee or something. You sound so stressed. I don't think you're a moaning martha. But you do sound like you need some time out.

Original poster

hereidrawtheline · 08/05/2009 09:53

I need to talk to you

I need you to be kind to me I am sobbing again have taken yself off ot bedroom with a tea and the laptop and left DH to it but I cant stop crying

I wish ac ouple of you hadnt been hard on me when I posted this you couldnt have known it but I am taking so much shit at the moment and trying so hard and so depressed the likes of which if I didnt have DS to look after I think I would want to die. I just wish people could be kinder without jumping down your throat because every time I try to reach out to someone this is what I get

I know its my fault I know I didnt sa in My OP how bad things are but i just didnt have time. The thing is you dont know everything in a persons life people can be so hard sometimes

OP posts:

giraffesCantRunA10k · 08/05/2009 09:56

Hiya, it sounds like theres a lot going on for you just now? You seem quite low and stressed.

midnightexpress · 08/05/2009 09:57

Oh you poor thing. . Do you have anyone in RL that you can talk to about this? A family member, or maybe your GP? You really sound as if you're at the end of your tether. Maybe you're right about re-housing the puppy. It sounds as if it's perhaps just a bit too much at the moment - animals are a big responsibility and it sounds as if you've got plenty on your plate without puppy training as well.

And don't worry about people calling you a moaning martha - there are plenty of sympathetic ears on MN, so keep posting if it helps.

fuzzywuzzy · 08/05/2009 09:57

Can you return the puppy? It sounds like you alreadyhave far too much on your plate without the hassle of training a puppy.

Have you spoken to your GP? Perhaps you should.

Sounds like you also need daily practical help around the house for a while, do you have fmaily nearby who could come and help you out? Could you possibly hire a cleaner?

It's difficult to give you the support you need, we can only go by what you post, it does sound like you are really very stressed, and need RL support.

Lizzylou · 08/05/2009 09:58

Oh Hereidrawtheline, sorry you are getting so stressed, I have seen some of your other posts, you're having a bit of a tough time at the minute.
Some time alone with a cup of tea, sounds like what you need.
After your DS's appointment can you take yourself off somewhere? A long walk, swimming, window shopping, snuggled up in bed watching a film/reading a book?

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 08/05/2009 10:01

I'm sorry if you think I was hard on you, I wasn't to know the situation from what you had posted when I responded.

I really hope you can work through things, can't really offer any advice.

ChairmumMiaow · 08/05/2009 10:01

It sounds like you need to slow down. We all understand how stressful trying to get stuff done while looking after a DC can be. The trouble is that men have a mental list of what things are important to do (with my DH is the hoovering, washing and washing up and things like dusting and putting stuff in the right place just don't happen)

There's no reason your DH can't go and get your DS dressed while he's chatting to him. Can you just say to DH something like "I need to get XYZ done, can you please keep DS and puppy apart and do ABC while I do it?" They sometimes just need some clear instructions, poor helpless men

We have a 6mo puppy and have kept him and DS (mostly) seperate with puppy in the kitchen, DS in the lounge and a stairgate between them. If your DS is scared you won't get the problem we have of DS trying to pat puppy through the bars!

Drink your cup of tea, have some sympathy from me and then if you really feel you need to do your stuff, sort out what you can do while DH does the bits he can manage!

Doodle2U · 08/05/2009 10:01

God, if you were in front of me now, I think I'd slap you and then physically whip you out of that house and down to Starbucks with a funnel to force a hot chocolate down you!

So you know you can't do it all but you're having a good try. How about prioritising? I'll have a go:-

Puppy is obviously a pain in the arse right now so he needs to be sectioned off for a short while whilst you get straight. Some where safe for him but where you cannot hear him howl. Garage/garden/spare room.
Surface tidy and tell DH to help.
Deal with Welfare thingy - soz, dunno what that's about but deal with it.
Have a brew!

Everything else can wait until tomorrow!

Original poster

hereidrawtheline · 08/05/2009 10:03

I will rehome the puppy much as it truly breaks my heart too but I cant stand DS being so afraid all the time.

I need support and in theory that is what DH is here today for though last night he was a bit off with me and made a few sarcastic comments, he said he was joking but they just werent nice, you know? They were taking sarcastic digs at me, and in a time when I am obviously on the verge of losing the plot totally I just didnt see why he wasnt more actively trying to be nice to me.

I dont have anyone else really. My family is in America. I have friends but not terribly close to me (distance wise) nearest is about 15 mins away but of course they have their own life too with their own commitments.

I'm already on prozac and that has been fine for ages until about 2 weeks ago when I started to sink into this.

OP posts:

Doodle2U · 08/05/2009 10:04

And it was me who called you a Moaning Martha and you're right, I'm not telepathic and this is Mumsnet!

I am very kind. Every second Wednesday of the month normally

I'm also here and ready to help

Flip

1 2 3