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Original poster

Would you allow your daughter to attend her brothers' christening dressed like a boy?

70 replies

mrsgreedy · 06/05/2009 16:28

I haven't been on here for ages as have been extremely tired and busy with twin baby boys!!! But had some great advice last time so here goes!!

My daughter, who used to be the girliest princess I knew, has turned into the worlds biggest tomboy! I think a lot of this is to do with the arrival of her twin brothers 7 months ago. At first she was bitterly disappointed that the babies were both boys but she came round and to be honest has been really great through the past 7 months.

Anyway most of the time I don't mind the tomboyish behaviour. Why shouldn't a girl be active, trousers are often far more practical etc.

But I am having the boys christened this weekend and my daughter refuses point blank to wear a dress or even what I would class as "feminine" trousers. She is insisting that she is going to wear her Ben 10 Tshirt and jeans (both from the boys section I hasten to add).

It all erupted into a huge argument during which she said that I never make her brothers wear "stupid girls clothes" so why should she!!

What do I do?

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 06/05/2009 17:19

I'm not sure how formal christenings are as I've only been to one or two. Would you feel a boy was inappropriately dressed in a ben 10 t shirt and jeans? If yes, then I'd encourage a smarter compromise as others have said. If no, then I'd let her wear what she wants and damn the eyes of any naysayers.

Hulababy · 06/05/2009 17:22

I wouldn't want DD to have jeans and Ben 10 t shirt for a christening - wouldn't want a boy to be dressed like it either. I think a christening should meaner smarter attire, at least for the service.

There are lots of wears to dress smart without a skirt or dress though.

Are you looking at buying a new outfit?

Would she go for a skort, such as this perhaps? Or cropped trousers such as nk{http://www.boden.co.uk/en-gb/Girls-Trousers-and-Jeans/Cropped-Trousers/32259/Girls-Slim-Cropped -Trousers.html his maybe with a tunic style top and pump type shoes.

Itsjustafleshwound · 06/05/2009 17:26

If it is going to be in a church and be a big event, I agree that she should not wear a T-shirt and jeans ... as others have suggested, why not take her shopping and come to a compromise.

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ramonaquimby · 06/05/2009 17:26

I would let her wear what she wants ( but smart clothes like others have said) - and don't worry about what others with think. My 4 year old girl has been wearing the SAME dress for a few months, bar a wash every now and then. She has gorgeous clothes (other dresses, cute crop jeans, tunic tops and leggings - the LOT and it's this dress she turns to every day.) ARrgh, but it's not a battle I'm fighting - (late realization that it really doesn't matter from me though......)

Hulababy · 06/05/2009 17:26

This site has some unisex outfits that might appeal.

littleducks · 06/05/2009 17:30

Couldnt ypou put the babies in christening gowns, that would destroy her argument surely?

I would either bribe her to wear an outfit of your choosing then she may change or would compromise

ramonaquimby · 06/05/2009 17:31
Kewcumber · 06/05/2009 17:39

When I wear a black trouser suit and a shrt to a work meeting I don't considered myself to be dressed as a boy!

Metatron · 06/05/2009 17:41

Ben 10 and jeans is inappropriate regardless.

She must be smart. Get her show you smart acceptable outfits.

Linen trousers and shirt would be nice. Pale blue shirt and natural/navy linen trews and deck shoes maybe?

ScummyMummy · 06/05/2009 17:43

Good point, kew.

Metatron · 06/05/2009 17:46

nice stuff here

Greensneeze · 06/05/2009 17:47

wjen you say "dressed like a boy" do you just mean "trousers, rather than flouncy crap"?

I think those little tartan trews on Hula's link are adorable.

silverfrog · 06/05/2009 17:49

I liked the tartan trousers too - in fact, we have a pair that have been through both dd1 and dd2, and they both looked gorgeous in them

if your dd is expressing a preference for no frills etx, then I think that shold be listened to. there is plenty to wear and still be smart - compromise needed on both sides.

ScummyMummy · 06/05/2009 17:51

She'd look like a sex pistol fan in those- v cool. Maybe with a never mind the bollocks t-shirt on top?

stealthsquiggle · 06/05/2009 17:51

I think smart but not girly - agreeing with the vast majority of posters.

At the end of the day, you have to go with something you can agree on - one small girl I know wore her fancy dress fairy dress to her baby sister's christening - so not what her mother had planned, but not worth the fight.

My DS has a friend at school who refuses to wear "girl clothes". For uniform (traditional school, boys wear shorts, girls kilts/dresses) they have compromised on the uniform kilt (after all, boys can wear kilts too) but she never wears tights, or the summer dress. By 6 I think your DD is old enough to decide for herself and the more you (and MIL!) push the harder she will dig her heels in.

julesrose · 06/05/2009 18:53

I wouldn't be too strict with her - she sounds like she grappling with the additions to her family and trying to find a way to be noticed. Maybe she feels she's more acceptable if she dresses like a boy. Maybe come to some compromise about the clothes for the christening but at the same time plan a special day out with her - for just the two of you if that's possible...

FabulousBakerGirl · 06/05/2009 18:57

I wouldn't care what anyone else thought but I wouldn't allow her to wear those clothes for a Christening and I wouldn't buy her boys clothes either.

DD had boys PJS when she was about 2 and wanted them as they were Postamn Pat but that was all I would have allowed.

bloss · 06/05/2009 19:04

Message withdrawn

talkingbook · 06/05/2009 20:09

I have a tomboy too.She would dress in boys clothes but we have a bit of a compromise and she will wear 'cool' girls clothes in red,green,blue.

I like her to dress fairly well.She loves zara and will wear some fat face,gap,elle,h& m.I would put her in something like this top and trousers or capri pants with a navy top with a smart red or navy cardigan and some sandals.

I do struggle to find things to match what she likes but I now have a good idea of what she definately won't wear which helps.We compromise but only so far either way.She doesn't wear skirts or dresses (although at 6 I did still make her wear them occasionally) but looks good in smart 3/4 length or fitted full length trousers and non frilly top with smart boots/shoes/sandals.

I would not let her wear anything more casual than this to an occasion such as a Christening.

I found what worked was saying 'lets go shopping just us two together and we'll have a drink at a cafe and then visit a few clothes shops'.Then we both picked things up for her to try on.She was much more open when we did this and discovered a few shops she liked.She knows I let her wear what she likes on the whole but I have the final say.

hettie · 06/05/2009 20:26

well I was that total tomboy of whom my mum dispaired. I refused to wear dresses or anything I considered remotley girly. I remember causing a huge row when my dad bought a new dress (a big deal new clothes were expensive luxuries) and I told him I didn't like and wouldn't wear it.
We had a similar battle at some relatives party (think it was my nan's 60th?). I wanted to wear cords and a green jumper- my mum was mortified. In the end my (rather sensible) nana intervened and said as long as I as smart then girly didn't matter.
To cheer you up for the future- I am now no longer a dress refusnik, I even got married in a slinky prada number . I always thought that being a boy seemed a better deal- they had more freedom, didn't have to 'play quietly' or 'be nice' or all the other stereotypical crap that our society seems to foist on females. I think it stood me in good stead, I'm independant, I've got good self- esteem and have suceeded in what would be seen as a very male dominated industry. But I'm also a woman and can celebrate that- and I'm sure in the end your daughter will too, jsut in her own way

Sidge · 06/05/2009 20:31

My DD2 won't wear dresses or skirts (SN reasons) so wore trousers for DD3s christening, but we ensured she wore smart-ish trousers (cords not jeans) and a nice T-shirt.

I don't think you need to insist on a dress but jeans and a Ben10 T-shirt is a bit too casual. At 6 she should be old enough to understand that she has to make a bit of effort, and is young enough that she has to do as she's told a bit too

Pollyanna · 06/05/2009 20:39

well I will go against the grain and say that I would let my dd wear a ben 10 t shirt and trousers to a christening if she wanted. I would try first to go shopping with her to find something smarter - from the boys section if she wanted, but if she refused I wouldn't push the point.

save your battles for something that matters that I think. (and I'm no psychologist, but it seems to me that there this is no doubt that it is connected to her brothers' births )

scienceteacher · 06/05/2009 20:41

What is the dress code of other Christenings at your church?

slummybutyummy · 06/05/2009 20:52

I would say "we dress up because its an important day." then agree what smart outfit she wants to pick out of 3 or so you have chosen. That could include 1 dress and two trouser outfits. Then put her brothers in massively frilly christening robes!Ignore MIL's comments - you want your DD to enjoy the day too and you can all look back on photos when she's older and laugh at how stubborn she was/conventional MIl was! Other guests will think its funny and great she is so spirited.

Have a good day!

saintmaybe · 06/05/2009 20:52

What pollyanna said.