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Parenting

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Original poster

Can anyone give me advice re my not quite bilingual toddler please

31 replies

timmette · 29/04/2009 07:52

My ds is 3.1 and I am English and his dad is Dutch , my partner and I speak English together and he speaks Dutch to my son and I English. We are living in Dutch speaking Antwerp, and ds attends a Dutch school.
He had a wide vocab of words and can make himself understood enough to bargain with me about in which order to do things etc.
His teacher says at school he is still speaking English and Dutch and not solely Dutch and seems to think that by now he should only be speaking Dutch at school. Is this correct - how can I help him to speak Dutch only at school he has been at the school for 6 months now.
I am worried because the teacher says he is getting a little frustrated when the other kids don't understand him. Any advice more than welcome.

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belgo · 29/04/2009 08:01

Hello Timmette, I'm in a very similar situation.

3.1 is very very young, and I'm not sure you should worry too much at the moment. My dd1 was four years old before she really started speaking fluently, and flemish is by far her preferred language. She had a mild hearing problem which has been improved by having gromits inserted, and that has also contributed to her being slow with talking.

I know a lot of bilingual children, and in my opinion 3.1 is still very young to identify the difference between the languages.

My second dd2 is 3.6, and almost speaks no english (but understands all english), and whenever we go to England, she expects everyone to understand her when she speaks flemish. She just does not get it that english people don't understand flemish!

How is the rest of his development?

PortoPandemico · 29/04/2009 08:03

I wouldn't worry too much. It takes a bit of time to sort it all out in their heads. Mine was slipping lots of french words into english sentences and vice versa for ages. I think at that age is it all just words, and they don't always differentiate.

She's just 5 now, and still does it from time to time, usually if she doesn't know the word in the other language. (In fact it's quite amusing when she uses the english word with a french accent).

If he speaks in English, when he's supposed to be speaking Dutch, I would repeat the sentence in Dutch to reinforce it. But otherwise not stress about it too much.

And another MNetter in Belgium. I'm thinking of maybe organising a meet up at some point....

belgo · 29/04/2009 08:14

yes welcome timmette

my dh ran in Antwerp in sunday.

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belgo · 29/04/2009 08:14

on sunday

Original poster

timmette · 29/04/2009 08:22

HiBelgo you must be very proud of your dh mine thought about walking the 10 min to ds school this morning and got in the car .
Im ny opinion his development is on track he knows lots of vocab and understands everything - in both languages. The only thing I have noticed is he doesn't have a preferred hand for righting - not sure if he should have ?
Hi Porto thanks for the advice we are here for the longterm so I really want him to be able to make friends locally ifykwim.

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Bucharest · 29/04/2009 08:22

Perfectly normal at that age, and as others have said, also endearing.
The fluency will come. Dd (now 5 and a half) was the same when she started nursery here in Italy, more English than Italian. The total absorption into the school environment means it will come in its own good time.
My dd's teacher was also a bit concerned, that dd wouldn't be able to communicate, but once I'd calmed her down (the teacher, not dd lol) and assured her bilungualism is A Good Thing , everything was OK.
The problem arises when you get people who just can't get that bilingualism is acquired, not taught who start to tell you you should be speaking to your own child in a language other than your own- so that they "learn" the other language.
Sometimes now, dd will be able to say something (invariably school related) in Italian better than she can in English, so I ask her to tell me in Italian...but apart from that, insist on OPOL, particularly as, like me, you are living in the non-English country, otherwise you'll find as time passes that the English will be lost, which would be a huge pity.
I have friends over here whose children struggle with English- despite having an English parent, which is bonkers.

hairtwiddler · 29/04/2009 08:22

Not quite the same situation, but DD is 3.4 and also Dutch English bilingual. We live in the uk though. I understand Dutch well so DH always speaks Dutch to her. She spends quite a bit of time with dutch family, and we have dutch friends here who they regularly meet up with.

As you would expect DD speaks predominantly English with a bit of a mix of Dutch vocab and grammar thrown in. When in the netherlands recently there was so much confusion between her and her grandparents, but they got by somehow!

I think it'll click in time for your son. Are you sure it's him who is frustrated, or the other children?

PortoPandemico · 29/04/2009 08:27

He's only small though, and has twice as many words to learn. It will come - honestly. Re. the hand thing, again my dd was the same, but she's definitely become right handed now.

BonsoirAnna · 29/04/2009 08:29

As others have said, 3.1 is very young still and your DS is still sorting out the fact that he speaks two languages. Given that you are in a Dutch-speaking environment, you actually need to give your DS a lot of English at home if he is to grow up bilingual, so it would be quite usual for him to be less fluent in Dutch than in English at only 3.1.

Does his teacher speak English well? Can you give her a book about bilingualism in English that both of you can read and discuss? I recently readthis book but there are plenty more.

Original poster

timmette · 29/04/2009 08:31

Hi Bucharest he has until last week only been going to school partime - so I am hoping the switch to full time will help him also. You are right while I don't speak Dutch much I understand it very well so when ds said something to me in Dutch I used to just reply in English but now I just say I don't understand and help him to say it in English - and this is working I think both languages have improved recently for us sticking to our own languages.
Hairtwiddler it could be the teacher who is frustrated lol .

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belgo · 29/04/2009 08:32

Bucharest - it's interesting what you say about acquiring a language, rather then teaching it. I do feel as though I am teaching my dd1 english. She understands nearly everything I say, but just does not speak it without me 'teaching' her what to say. We have always done OPOL, but dutch is by far the dominant langauge - school, cousins, family, dance class etc. The only english she hears regularly is from me, and the problem is, I understand dutch, so there has never been any incentive for her to speak english.

I know she will become fluent in english eventually, especially as english is so widely spoken anyway, but I had hoped she would be speaking english earlier.

BonsoirAnna · 29/04/2009 08:35

Belgo - what language do your DDs speak between themselves? What language do they watch TV/DVDs in?

belgo · 29/04/2009 08:36

They speak flemish between themselves. I read to them books in english, they don't watch much TV but I certainly try and encourage english TV.

belgo · 29/04/2009 08:38

I should have insisted that dd1 always spoke to me in english, but she was so late in speaking , I was just very relieved she was speaking at all. Until then, life for her was very frustrating as she just couldn't make herself understood. That was probably mainly down to her hearing problem though.

BonsoirAnna · 29/04/2009 08:39

If your DDs are speaking Flemish between themselves, Flemish at school and Flemish in the outside environment, the balance between English and Flemish is very unequal...

BonsoirAnna · 29/04/2009 08:40

I sympathise, it's very hard indeed to maintain a balanced bilingual family when one child has some kind of (even slight) learning difficulty.

belgo · 29/04/2009 08:41

yes I know! Quite what I can do about it though? I do go to England as much as possible, but it's harder now with three children, adn do go to an english speaking playgroup, but all the chidlren there also speak flemish so dd1 just speaks flemish with them.

BonsoirAnna · 29/04/2009 08:43

Other than banishing Flemish TV and books entirely from the house and speaking English all the time with your children, I don't know!

belgo · 29/04/2009 08:44

Timmette- yes I am proud of dh- but I think he got the best deal on sunday running in a race, as I spent the best part of the day in A&E with dd1 who had hurt her neck.

PortoPandemico · 29/04/2009 08:46

I think the switch to FT school will help. We'd just moved to Belgium when dd started the Maternelle and i was very worried she wouldn't make herself understood at all, especially as they don't speak English at her school. The teacher told me that she was relatively quiet the first year, though fully took part in everything that was going on. She's made up for it ever since .

Original poster

timmette · 29/04/2009 08:46

Belgo I now pretend to ds that I do not understand Dutch when he speaks it despite the fact that I do understand and it really brought his Dutch and English on.
Please don't think I am being ignorant when I refer to Dutch as the language rather than flemish - I asked his teacher and he told me they teach Dutch and speak Dutch and refer to it as Dutch. I also asked a woman at the town hall - and she told me that only the older people spoke Flemish and that the reality is it is Dutch and fine to call it what it is.

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PortoPandemico · 29/04/2009 08:48

Belgo, shall I bring my dd round? She will boss them about talk to them in English!

Original poster

timmette · 29/04/2009 08:53

BonsoirAnna - good idea about the book - will try and get hold of a couple if only for my own info. His teacher speaks English qutie well - and is being very supportive and is nice - so will not thrust a book on him just yet - maybe I am being a bit sensitive about the whole thing .

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BonsoirAnna · 29/04/2009 08:55

Even if you don't want to give the teacher a whole book, you can always photocopy the relevant pages that explain why you should only speak your mother tongue to your DC and give them to him to explain where your behaviour is stemming from.

Teachers are often (surprisingly) ignorant about bilingualism, even in bilingual environments!

belgo · 29/04/2009 08:55

Timmette- I also use the terms flemish and dutch interchangably. In fact dd1 taught me a new word in flemish the other week - scheek (don't know the spelling- sounds a bit like chic!)- I didn't know for weeks what she was talking about - turns out she wanted chewing gum! I had learnt the dutch word kauwgum [sp?)

Portofino you are very welcome to bring your dd round!

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