"if you don't push for your son to separate from you at nursery now, you'll end up sitting next to him when he's doing his GCSE's"

[emkana]

Apparently.

he's 2.10

Is that a joke? Was s/he trying to be funny?

Who said it?

His portage worker. It was part of a bigger conversation, and I know she wasn't trying to be mean, but still.

Oh for goodness sakes what a load of old twaddle.

I used to get that regarding DS1 who didn't potty train until he was 2.25 (so pretty early in my books) but the comment was 'ooh will you be still be changing his nappies when he goes to the pub'.

Hmm, there is a fair few years inbetween and i am sure when he feels comfortable he will be happy to seperate, but why the rush?

At the moment he goes to playgroup one session a week, which I know is not ideal, two would better. I am staying with him because I want him to have the social interaction but he is, IMO, just not ready yet to be left. I think he will be better as he gets older, but I get all this pressure to force the issue and I DON'T LIKE IT (stamps foot)

Tell her to fuck off.
From me.
Official

Utter rubbish! They do it in their own time. DS2 was a real 'homebird'-we didn't make a big deal of it. He is fine now-long before his GCSE's!

lol at Moondog's "official". As previously discussed on here with you em, DS's first nursery was a disaster (he was 2.5 when he started, and noone including me had tumbled to the extent of his receptive language delay), his second nursery was a roaring success (he was 3.10, his language had improved but he wasn't really speaking fluently in sentences at that point). How much was readiness and how much was being in a language problem aware environment that made the difference is a moot point...... But I think you are absolutely correct to follow your instincts, I only wish I had. I ended up assuming it was DS that was the problem, when in hindsight I think the nursery's lack of expertise with SN was a huge contributory factor (the nursery manager once came up to me and wailed - I don't know sometimes if he doesn't understand or just isn't obeyind me ).

IME when I was a nanny once a week wasn't great. Twice is better if you can manage it.

His portage worker clearly wants you out of the way. You might want to think why.

Why isn't she happy to help a young child settle in well?

IMO,our society is obsessed with encouraging small children to separate from their families whether they are ready to or not!DS started nursery at 2.5 yrs,wept and def did not settle,lovely nursery rang me,tried again,again,gave up and then we restarted at 3yrs,-and I took him in at playtime, and stayed while that went on, for a good few weeks(the nursery suggested this).Then he was fine,is now 9 and somehow manages to survive the school day alone...!
It happens in its own good time!(and my DSis was the same,no nursery provision then,so she was with Mum full time - fully functioning adult now tho'!)

Stick to your guns - as otherwise would bet your bottom dollar that you will only look back and regret it.

portage worker is stupid and unpleasant. Ignore.

Forcing small children to separate from their mothers was the done thing when we had an Empire and needed emotionally detached men who were happy to leave their families and sod off half way round the world in the days before phones. That's one of the reasons boarding schools became so popular under the Victorians.

Not necessary these days.

as a professional early years worker with 20 years experience of working with children and 2 children of my own (19 and 12) I am horrified by that statement by the portage worker.
Children should not be 'pushed' into anything, just guided and supported, by supportive professionals who follow the child's lead, and take things at the child's pace.
But, having said that, chidren do behave differently when their parents are not there, and he does need to learn to operate independently from you.
Could you not start to leave him, he will benefit from it.
Do it gradually, for a few minutes at first and then increase it until he can manage the whole session on his own.
You will feel loads better when he can do that.

Emkana do you think it's really for him, or yourself that you want to stay with him? This is a serious questions and not meant to be patronising at all. I ask because I know that if my ds2 nursery had let me, I would have spent every session with him. It's only because a personal friend of mine ran the nursery, that she told me to "piss off", in the nicest possible way.

I don't want to leave him, but the reason for that is that I feel very very strongly that he is not ready for it yet.

I have two older daughters and I was perfectly happy to leave them when it felt right, and I believe it will be the same for ds.

what a load of bollocks
I'm with moondog
silly woman

Aah, then it's a shame you don't have the full support from the nursery. Are the other children ok with you being there? The staff may be worried they are wanting their mummies there too ? Otherwise, I would just let you both get on with it if he's happy.

I agree with the other posters about not leaving him until he's ready unless you have absolutely have to. How about volunteering as a helper at the play group? Being there, but being involved with other children might be a good intermediate step for your DS. The pre-school DS1 goes to is always happy to have parent volunteers. You don't need to be CRB checked as long as you are not alone with the children (I think!)

hilarious - what a numpty...although thinking of the many GCSE candidates i have taught many would have liked their mums to be there

That is an absoloutely staggeringly stupid thing for someone who should know better to say.
Take absioloutely no notice . I would be tempted to print this off and show her.

Do not even think of leaving your little one until you and he are comfortable and secure. No one but you can judge if he is ready to go to any type of pre school/nursery. You are the expert in understanding your own child. Let no one try to tell you otherwise.

My DS started playschool at 2.5 in Jan 08 and I knew then that he was a very clingy boy. I took him for a few settle in sessions for which he was aboslutely fine but when the time came for him to go on his own he broke down big time. In my heart I knew I should have stayed but the pressure to go was huge (from other mums etc, not the playschool) and after 40 mins I got a phonecall to say he was inconsolable and could I come back. Took me 6 weeks after that to settle him in and even now he gets skittish in new situations.

I don't know whether that one episode affected him and thats why he is not good with seperations now or whether he has a bigger issue but either way I wish I had stayed at the start.

Go with your instinct, you know him best. XX

Ds settled very well at pre-school mornings only at 2.5, but didn't like to go to any playdates or most parties without me till he was at least 6. I never forced it, and he suddenly Was Ready to do things without me. Now he begs to go to things like Scout Camp aged 8-9. IHaving said that, I think there is a happy medium, showing you are confident with the place you are leaving them rather than communicating any anxiety or ambivalence. But I think a two year old is very dependent of his mum, and so he should be. She will teach him most of the things he knows about the world and how it works.