Please help me decide whether to have a third baby

[Doctorskidaddle]

I just don't know what to do. If I tell you the pro's and con's, can you please help me decide? (Yes, I know only I can make the decision but I just want a bit of help please)

OK, PROS
DH wants another
I don't feel our family is complete and would love to have three children
DD (3.5) would love a little brother or sister
We've both always wanted a big family
I never thought DS (15 months) would be my last
I love being a parent and so does DH and I especially love babies

CONS
We are pretty tight for money and would struggle financially (i.e. no holidays, not much spending money - not to the extent of being in poverty)
I dread the whole being pg, giving birth and newborn stage (but also kind of relish it!)
Our contracts are both temporary (me 2 years and DH 3 years) so worse case scenario - we could both be unemployed with 3 DC to suppport - but I am 35 and don't want to wait another 2-3 years before TTC
I wouldn't want to work full-time with a young baby but also couldn't really afford not to
We have a lovely happy family as we are and I'm scared of spoiling that (even though I'm sure having another would probably make it even better)
I know this is a bit poncey but I feel like I would be being a bit environmentally irresponsible having yet another baby (please don't take offence if you have lots of DC - I would never think this of anyone else)

Oh gosh, I just don't know - although I do notice that I have put a caveat after almost every con....
Any advice, experience,suggestions greatly appreciated- I am driving myself (and DH) demented with my indecision
Thank you

this is interesting, I have 2 sons 24 months apart. The youngest is nearly 8m and I've found the transition very hard. Perhaps if I ever got any sleep I might cope better, but I was debating posting something along the lines of "if 1-2 was hell does it mean you're ot cut out for a 3rd?" Even if you really want another?

If in doubt do knowt!

Think your DH's idea of putting it on hold for a year is for the best. If the longing is still there after a year then you will KNOW.

I would definitely wait a year. Bigger ages gaps are better the more children you have anyway from a coping point of view. How old are your children now?

Look if your age allows then i suggest take a break. Your circumstances could very well change in a few years and do ask yourself if you can give a 3rd child the same opportunities as the first 2. I mean you do want to be fair don't you? In cases where a woman is at a much more mature age she can't afford to wait but if you can my advice is wait because this is not just about you but about the baby you are craving for.

Hey Skid, its a tricky one! DH & I debated for years about having a 3rd but I'm SO glad we did! It is harder, I found it much harder than 1-2 but then I have a big age gap so had school runs and such to deal with, is lovely to have older ones at school though so I get plenty of time with DC3. The children themselves are not harder, just the chores that go with them (particularly the washing and ironing). On the plus side, DD has just slotted into our family so neatly that I can't remember what it was like without her, I love to watch them all rolling around and giggling with each other. Just beware that having a 3rd might not make your family feel complete though, despite knowing a 4th is a really bad idea for us, I do get the tiniest niggle of broodyness occasionally and so does DH

my sis has 3 with close ages. DD1 is actually a SDD; she is 1y7m years older than DD2 who is 1y3m older than DD3. Financially it was sheer lunacy (and still is for them) but sis wouldn't be without the 3 of them and is glad they were all so close together.

Friends of mine had the "perfect nuclear family" (DS, DD) but she wanted a 3rd - he was less keen but when DS2 arrived, he said it completed their family in a way he hadn't realised was necessary until it happened. Definitely not having 4 though!

Drskd - I could have written your post!

I'm also in 2 minds about going for a third - dh really not sure at all at the mo, but we always wanted 3 and I have that 'incomplete' feeling now.

Our youngest is only 9months, I did have the mentality of getting on with a 3rd baby sooner rather than later to get the pregnancy, birth, newborn stage out of the way asap, but it has been interesting reading everybodies posts about the practicalities of that and actually a larger age gap is probaby more manageable with a large family (though I'm 32 so I really don't want to leave it too long, I'd like to be done having babies by 35)

urrgh decisions decisions!

My 3rd has been very easy. We almost stopped at 2 (under sufferance due to horrible hyperemesis pregnancies and DC2 being born prem) but got pregnant accidentally. She is a delight, and my easiest child by a long way - even now in the middle of terrible 2's. I think main difference was how relaxed we were about her, that we are more confident in our own parenting abilities, and that she always has company.
I'm pregnant now with number 4, and I do wonder if my heavenly 3rd (funnily enough named Celeste!) has lulled me into a false sense of security?! I'll probably be on here tearing my hair out in a few months!
Getting pregnant this time, I feel very sure that our family will be complete with this child, a feeling we've never had before.

Its all very well for your DH to say wait another year, but its cheaper if ages aren't too spread out, imo. (I have 2 years between each, but there will be closer to 3 years between my 3rd and 4th.) Equally - family life is chaotic if gaps are too small. It sounds to me like you're going to do it - none of your cons sound like deal-breakers. First babies are expensive, but later one's really aren't.

Hi ya,

I am in the exact same position as you doctors- ds is 4, DD 15 months and i really would like one more, again like you financially it would be a strain but i know we can cope and would manage,(i have all my baby things from DD sat in the loft!!!!!!)

we differ as my DH does not want a third, he is happy with the two we have and his opinion is - we can have nothing different!everything is catered for a family of 4(he lives in the dark ages!!!lol!! boohoo- i am not done yet, i am 25 he is 27 so we have time if you like but i am so with you on this, my head says no, my heart says go for it(i think i will twist DH's arm in the future)

good luck with whatever you decide to do, xxxx

Thanks all for your replies. In terms of waiting I am 35 (DH is 37) so feel like I don't want to wait much longer. It is good to hear everyone else's experiences but it doesn't help me make up my mind! It's also interesting how many of you are in a similar situation - I hope we all manage to work out what's best for us.

Thanks again

I'm going through the same thing, but at 37.
DD1 is 6 and DD2 is 20 months. DH is 45, with the first two, I refused any screening for birth defects, because I knew I would take no action anyway. Now, I think, what if I have a disabled child, will it be fair on the other two, and the child, and the family as a whole?

My gut feeling is not to have another, never to do it unless you are sure. Having a baby is a big responsibility, a big effort. Best to not do it if you have any doubts.

I have 4 which is sheer insanity ;).

Just found this thread which has fascinated me because I feel in exactly the same position. Have you made a decision? My husband always says, 'if in doubt, do nothing' but it's not that easy when the biological clock is ticking!

And there's that awful thought that you might just always be wondering if you hadn't tried, what that child would have been like? And then it's too late. Oh God, I just don't know what to do either. Let me know if you made a decision!!

I also have this dilema at the mo. Have 2 ds (3.2 and 17 months)and it has been bloody tough - but the question of a third won't go away.

Dh's standpoint is that he would be happy if I was pregnant but is also happy with the way things are.

I know it would be sensible to stop at 2 (finacially, travelling etc)but damn it, I have already picked out names!

I know I am young enough to wait but I feel if we are going to do it, I want to do it now so there is a small age gap.

Looks like dh and I have agreed on ''waiting to see what will happen''- silly really as no controception means a child at some point.

I guess it's a situation of head v heart. I think we will take the same attitude re contraception but like you say, with two already this probably = a third!

We always wanted 3 but now dd is nearly 4 and ds is 2y4m it feels like now or never. I guess it would make sense to do it quick before ds is out of nappies, otherwise having two out of nappies and then going back to it again might be a bit hard to handle!!

Hi all,
We have 4 children -all under 7, hubby works full time and i am a stay at home mom f.time. thinking of going for a 5th baby b4 time runs out!, My house is tidy and clean and the bigger children(7 & 5) have gymnastics class's weekly, my 3 year old has p.t nursery and my 2 year old is with me most of the day. Generally no one miss's out on anything. I love my kiddies and dont feel like i need to work or have time out from them to keep me sane!, was even thinking of fostering when they all get big enough to leave home.
BUT, Can i have some advice from other moms of 4/5 -if its a mad idea!! - does 5 upset the balance?? thanks all

Have been longing for a third for over a year now. DH adamant that its not going to happen! Am in a job where I work with tots and babies so even if I want to try and forget about it I can't! AAAAAh!

nymptonite - I know what you mean re: if there is anything wrong with the baby and whether fair on family etc. I am 39 so risk of birth defects rockets as each year passes.

One word: Don't.

Think about it really, really carefully. I have three and love them all dearly but I often think about how much easier life would be for a family of four. Think about putting three kids into their chosen activities, child-care costs for three, asking family members to babysit three, taking three kids to swimming lessons (!), putting three kids to bed (bathing, stories, etc.), taking three kids to a restaurant, putting three kids in the car. Gosh, I sound incredibly negative don't I? I don't mean to. Just to say that there's lots about having three children that I didn't think through all that carefully, IYKWIM. Best of luck with whatever you decide.

ScorpiowithabigS I love and will always remember that quote, how incredibly true: "i adore my third baby and before she was here i 'missed' her already .

Thank you for resonating with my deepest truth. xxx

Just found this thread and i would love to know what you decided to do, Doctorskidaddle

@Doctorskidaddle I came across this thread and noticed it's a few years old. Just wondering if you ended up having a third child? And if so how have you found it? I'm in the same situation.

@Doctorskidaddle I came across this thread and noticed it's a few years old. Just wondering if you ended up having a third child? And if so how have you found it? I'm in the same situation.

@Doctorskidaddle I came across this thread and noticed it's a few years old. Just wondering if you ended up having a third child? And if so how have you found it? I'm in the same situation.