How do you domesticate your boys?

[TheBreastmilksOnMe]

Nothing annoys me more than parents (mothers?) mollycoddling their boys and never teaching them basic domestic tasks such as using a washing machine, cooking a basic meal and ironing.

Boy grows up and doesn't know how to do anything around the house and continues to depend on mother or partner.

I am determined to domesticate my son so that he grows up able to fend for himself and will be a good catch for any partner he settles with.

So do those of you who have domesticated boys/men, how do you generally each them these good habits, what age do you start? Is 6 months too young? (joke)

In case you think I'm picking on boys, because I'm sure there are plenty of undomesticated girls out there too, I would make sure any daughters I have are well trained in good housekeeping too it's just that most girls IME have an interest in copying mum and helping around the house so get into it naturally.

< Lurks >

Get them to do things as soon as they are able. Have high expectations for what they can do.

Well, mine's almost 15, and everything I've tried to teach him - tidy room, don't mix up clean and dirty laundry on floor, here's the bathroom please use it - o-b-l-i-v-i-o-u-s!

Nowadays, DS and DH just stand there and smirk at me ranting and raving. Makes me

However, in the earlier years, I taught him how to cook simple things, how to wipe up worksurfaces, how to use simple machines - hoover, washing machine, dishwasher, and he was quite happy to do so.

But now - well, in his favour, he does have beautiful manners and is very respectful of girls/women, so I suppose that's the main thing

My DS is only 6 months so no actual advice. But it seems odd to me that only little girls would want to follow their mum around "helping" - why wouldn't boys do that too? My plan at the moment is to expose him to the domestic stuff - he always watches me do things like wash up, clean, washing etc, in the sling or he sits in his bouncer in the kitchen watching me or in his buggy in the garden etc. Once he is a toddler I'll happily give him a cloth to play washing up next to me or let him help by passing me things etc, if he wants to.

That is the plan anyway! Oh and just involving him in simple things like after dinner we take our plates to the kitchen, tidying up his own toys etc - once he is physically able to do things like that.

I don't domesticate DS.

DP does.

I'm watching this carefully, I live with 4 rather undomesticated boys who don't seem to realise that the loo doesn't clean itself.

DP is rather domesticated which I think is because his mum is a lazy cow. DP cleaned and cooked for his dad when MIL walked out. The only thing DP is rubbish at is ironing which gets left to me but he's such a great cook I can overlook that one.

I think its just a case of expectations. Housemates expect that someone else will clean after them or put the bin out because its always been done for them. DP doesn't expect anything done for him so he's happy to do it himself.

myself and DH both do this with DS

he "helps" with our household chores and sees both of us do stuff in the house and garden

never too early to start IMO

My boys (9 and 11) are capable of doing most household chores well, which is great: make tea/coffee, hoover, dust, sweep and mop floors, laundry (sort, work washing machine and tumble drier, hang clothes outside, sort and fold laundry), dishwasher (empty and load), bins, etc. And they have to do at least one 'job' per day. (They can't iron though.) We started young and carefully explained each new chore, modelled initially and then supervised closely for the first couple of times.

But they are both still very messy and don't automatically clean up/tidy up after themselves.

At least they understand the work that goes into running a household and are capable of tackling the jobs.

Involve him in everything. Tell him all about what you are doing. Make it fun. Buy or make toys later that role play. Cook with him. Make your dh/dp lead by example (v important, if dad sits around scratching his balls watching the footy every weekend, son is likely to think that's normal and not want to learn how to cook!)...and when he's older tell him that the domesticated boys get the pick of the partners! They do. No-one wants to move in with their new partner and discover he's expecting them to be his mother.

My two DS (2 and a half and five and a half) both put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket and their finished plates/cutlery etc in the dishwasher. We did start that when they were little so we would do it as a game ie "see how quickly you can get ready for bed/put your clothes in the basket"

They do tidy up their toys at night too, but only after a load of cajoling and moaning from me about the mess.

I have explained that I am not there just to tidy up after them all

My sister thinks it is appalling that they have to do things for themselves, her "princess" daughters just throw their clothes on the floor and leave all their mess for her to pick up (They are 10 and 7 btw). She says she can't expect them to pick up for themselves as they are "only kids once".

Me, I'm just trying to save some poor women from being married to helpless men

DS1 is 5. He can sort laundry and put it into the machine and switch it on. He also puts away clean clothes once ironed. He makes his bed. Thats about it for now. I will be teaching him the life skills that my husband was never taught. (he can do these things now of course)

DS2 (18 mths) can put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket and put rubbsih in the bin. He is also keen on putting his empty milk cup in the sink.

I started both of my children young, as you can tell because then it becomes a habit to them to do these things. No point in waiting until they are older as they will never want to do it then.

TheBreastmilksOnMe - totally at one with you on this. Boys have to be domesticated. The are like dogs and need to be fed, watered, excercised and trained.

I am proud that our DS1 and DS2 are polite, bathe every day and nice and kind to girls (not that all girls return the favour). A bit too young to do cooking but they are both interested. They help me tidy the garden and pick their own clothes up, tidy their room, and wear clean clothes every day. Still working on being a bit more careful when going to the loo but we have tiled floors.

We drum into them that fighting and shouting and being aggressive is not on either except in self defence. Sad to say other boys we know are a bad example and actually not nice to be with at times. It always upsets our boys if other boys are out of control but they have chosen nice friends in the main.

They are only aged 9 and 7 but we have been working on them both since age 3.

The trick is to be consistent and get DP/DH on side as well. This has got to be more than Mummy nagging.

twoluvlykids - "Nowadays, DS and DH just stand there and smirk at me ranting and raving" that is not one. All men can clean and tidy themselves and their environment. I would go on strike in all departments until your DS and DH change their ways.

Good on you for making him a polite nice boy though who knows how to cook and use domestic appliances. Needs to bathe a bit more if he wants to have any relationships. Maybe you should tell him that - might motivate him. . DH needs to stop smirking though otherwise DS will think it is OK not to bathe and be tidy.

I agree that them having a good role model, in the shape of DH is really important. I think that it helps them see DH cooking, tidying etc. What slightly pees me off is that they are much more appreciative of his cooking than mine (I cook during the week, so I suppose familiarity breeds contempt )
I try to persuade DH to ask my DSs to tidy up etc, so I don't slip into being a "nagging woman"

Having said that, I don't think there is a particular issue with sons. I have seen some pretty spoilt girls in my time too!. The biggest problem I have is stopping myself from doing things for them just for the sake of speed.

My DS2 is also quite helpful - he actually likes being given clearcut tasks to do.

It's in your hands, and i don't think it is too early to start

I agree with everyone who says it is important that they see their dad doing his share of housework.

DH is a chef so we don't see much of him on his work days but on his days off he pitches in. My boys think it is normal for them to cook, clean, tidy up etc.

However, have to say DH doesn't do any laundry. When we first got together he "tried" and ruined far too many clothes of mine for my liking so I banned him. Not sure if I was hoodwinked on that one or not.

TheCrackFox - ah yes the washing machine myth of men. It almost caused a marital rift in our house.

I think I once put an old T shirt in the wrong wash. I was banned for 6 years.

However, I sneaked back and I stick to whites now fo rsafety - everything in our house such as sheets and towels is white so I cannot go wrong and it means I can do my fair share. The boys I am sure can do it soon.

My dh doesn't know how to do laundry either (but then i don't know how to do an oil change ...)

Hi Beta !!!

I have made DS (2.5) put his clothes in the laundry basket and help to empty the dishwasher (he just hands me the plates and I grab them before he drops them) for about the last year. I try to get him to tidy his toys away too. I think once they are walking they can help. DS thinks its a wonderful game. He even picks up the nappy bags I leave outside the back door and takes them down to the bin at the end of the garden.

He still does daft things like pulling out all the tissues from a box or spilling his drink on the laminate floor to make pretty patterns on a daily basis. He's not a freaky perfect child.

and I also encourage him to wash his face, under his arms, hands, willy and feet with the flannel when he is in the bath.

I have two boys (4 and 2.10) and at the moment they both love doing what mummy does, so they have a list opf things that they do and all they want to do is help:

Put their dirty clothes in the wash basket
set the table
clear their plates away
fill the washer
help hamg it out
help wash up and put awa
follow me with dusters
try to hoover and sweep
bake
cook - help with ingredients

Me and DH are their role models and DH does housework to like the bins, washer etc, so I am hoping that they just keep emulating us.

DS (2.5) helps DH cook every night, loads the washing machine, and programmes it with supervision. He has his own special cleaning spray and cloth so he uses it while I clean. He seems pretty enthusiastic about it so I am shamelessly exploiting him while I can. I encourage him to make his bed but he doesn't quite get it!

My DS1 (3.5yrs) helps load and unload dishwasher, loves changing the beds and getting involved in general cleaning/cooking, DS2 (10mths) just likes chasing the hoover and trying to climb into the toilet! It's a bit of a game for now, but like some of the posts above say, better to start young, and even if they rebel as adolescents at least they will know how things work around the house.

I think it helps that DH is good around the house, pitches in with everything apart from cooking (and that is because I won't let him ).

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Agree with Ruby slippers, never too early! As soon as can stand at sink they can "help" wash up. Mini hoovers while you hoover, playhouse with washing line for teddies/dolls clothes, teaching to put cup etc at sink after finished, picking things up and not just dropping them where they are, wiping up, sweeping etc. Most kids love "putting things back". Basically you do the same with boys and girls and let them help you in any way they can or have their own thing to do in miniature. Once they're older these happy playing memories mean chores are done without too much question. I bet most teenage boys would prefer to tidy their bedroom than revise for an exam!
My dh does NOTHING and nor did my Dad, but my brothers and sisters are all the ones who mainly do the domestic chores in their houses.

Hi there screamingabdab - just wanted to be clear would you actually let your husband near the washing machine?

Just asking cause my wife makes excuses about why she has to do it.

The thing is her excuses rather broke down when she admitted she did not know how to turn the electronic child safety lock off and asked me to fix it. Took me 2 minutes.

If I can fix the electronics on a washing machine I feel I am capable of using it.

To return to the orignal post I do think that sometimes mothers do not actually let their DS/DH do certain things so in the end they get accidentally conditioned to be useless and dependent on Mummy.

Just a thought.

Will ask MIL

DH is domestic god

She must have done something right.

His dad is the same though - one of those people who washes up your mug before you've had a chance to put the teabag in. Good example must have a a lot to do with it.

When he was growing up, Saturday mornings were "tidy up time" and they all had chores then a slap up lunch. He remembers this with fond nostalgia...