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Parenting

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Original poster

How do you domesticate your boys?

45 replies

TheBreastmilksOnMe · 06/04/2009 15:37

Nothing annoys me more than parents (mothers?) mollycoddling their boys and never teaching them basic domestic tasks such as using a washing machine, cooking a basic meal and ironing.

Boy grows up and doesn't know how to do anything around the house and continues to depend on mother or partner.

I am determined to domesticate my son so that he grows up able to fend for himself and will be a good catch for any partner he settles with.

So do those of you who have domesticated boys/men, how do you generally each them these good habits, what age do you start? Is 6 months too young? (joke)

In case you think I'm picking on boys, because I'm sure there are plenty of undomesticated girls out there too, I would make sure any daughters I have are well trained in good housekeeping too it's just that most girls IME have an interest in copying mum and helping around the house so get into it naturally.

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Quattrocento · 06/04/2009 22:03

I think that bringing children up to believe in practical equality is a good thing. DH does loads around the house. Both my DCs cook regularly, do chores and are responsible for the pets. They are both being brought up to make a positive contribution.

Reluctant to start a sahm/wohm thing but role models where father has interesting career and mum bakes ... well how effective can they be?

Donk · 06/04/2009 22:07

I think that sometimes it's a case of habit with the 'men can't do the laundry' thing. DH did his own laundry for years, and I know for sure that his Mum made sure he was domesticated. However I was a SAHM for 4.5 years - and so did most of the housework since DH was out at work.
He has got out of the habit of laundry, cooking etc.
The only thing is that now I am back at work, he is struggling to make the leap back to doing the housework 50-50. We will get there... he has only run out of underpants once so far (I went on strike and just did my own laundry and DS's (with help from DS))

Daffodingles2 · 06/04/2009 22:07

dh is seriously domesticated. I think it might have something to do with being sent to boarding school at 6, poor thing.
I agree it's having a good role model and starting early.
My boys are 7 and 9 and have various jobs to do around the house. They always have and do them now without thinking or being asked.
They see dh doing everything that I do and that is totally normal for them.
Ds1 even ironed his first school shirt last week and did a pretty good job.
A couple of years ago I had a male AP, who literally could do nothing around the house, not even boil an egg, let alone wash his clothes.
It took me weeks to teach him how to do the basics.
When he went home, he sent me a letter saying he was now at Uni and in a houseshare and he was the only one who knew how to do the washing/cleaning/cooking

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applepudding · 06/04/2009 22:35

I'm not sure that DH and I are particularly good role models as I am the one who does all the cleaning, cooking, laundry etc. However, DH works twice the amount of hours I do outside the home, and also does things like garden, cars, and all the paperwork like bills etc. So I think we have a pretty fair division of labour, its just that sometimes I think it appears to DS that it is just mommy's job to do the housework.

I did worry when he told his teacher once that my hobby was doing he ironing

I have decided recently it is time that DS started to learn to do some things for himself so he helps me with easy cleaning e.g. dusting, and I am now asking him to get his own snacks e.g. bowl of cereal, sandwich rather than doing it for him.

Now I just have to get DH to do the same!

shonaspurtle · 06/04/2009 22:39

DS who's 2.4 loves to iron and sweep the floors. Is very proud when he helps to tidy up and cleans the bath when he's in it.

No idea where he gets the love of ironing from, but dh does most of the cooking round our way and also his share of the washing etc so I don't think there's any chance of ds growing up to think that housework is "women's work".

Mind you, we're both really untidy and I'm secretly hoping he'll rebel and turn out to be insanely tidy and we can foist all the cleaning on him..

Tortington · 06/04/2009 22:47

i have 2 boys and 1 girl. they can all do eveything, wash, cook, iron. tidy up. they all have had chores from being very little - and many many talks on how if i go out to work all day = that we need to work together to get things done.

carocaro · 07/04/2009 11:06

I have 2 boys aged 2 and 6, my 6 year old tidies his room, puts dirty laundry in the basket, puts stuff in the bin, clears that table etc. It's a no brainer to him, he just does it. My 2 year old likes to copy me when I am doing housey stuff.

I hope it continues!

zipzap · 09/04/2009 00:06

DS1 (3.9yrs) adores anything to do with cleaning - hoovering, sweeping, cleaning the sink, putting clothes/powder etc into the washing machine, transferring into the dryer... his absolute favourite thing to do is mopping (which he is allowed to do if he is very good - win-win for me )

If it goes too quiet it is usually a safe bet that I will find him in the bathroom cleaning the sink or the bath (usually involves lots of hand soap and water, but will end up clean eventually).

He could use the tumble dryer before DH had worked out how to use it - recently they have been loading it together and had a couple of disagreements about what the settings should be - DS1 was right and DH was wrong both times .

Not sure that I have ever done anything to actively encourage this initially (I certainly don't do cleaning for fun!) - he just loves being around and copying and helping. But I do actively encourage it now - just hoping that long may it continue...!

cat64 · 09/04/2009 01:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

WowOoo · 09/04/2009 05:46

Agree that having good role models so important too.

Ds too little so far to actually do housework, but often get him to 'help' (Even though this can be a nightmare and tasks take much longer...he's 3 )

Very interesting though that he really, really notices and wants to help when DH is wiping table clean, cooking, doing laundry etc. Suppose he jsut sees me do it most of the time anyway.

Want to bring him up like Dh, my SIL's and I were brought up - we all have to do our bit and clean up after ourselves.

seeker · 09/04/2009 06:20

The same way I domesticated my daughter. By making it very clear from very early that we live in a community and everyone contributes to making that community somewhere nice to live.

And by having quite low standards.

lingle · 09/04/2009 13:10

I think there is a very clear "window" that opens up in early toddlerhood from which time you have to get them tidying up consistently.

We missed that window unfortunately!

However, one nice thing that's happened this year is that if DS1 (6) wets the bed, he now automatically strips the bed, puts the bedding and pyjamas in the washing machine and turns it on. I thank him for taking responsibility and it makes him feel much better about the bedwetting which comes and goes.

Mumwhensdinnerready · 09/04/2009 18:07

I have two boys of 11 and 13 and taught them all the chores at an early age. They are perfectly capable of doing the dishwasher, cleaning the bath , changing the bed or whatever. But where I have failed totally is in instilling any awareness that these things need doing. They willingly do jobs when I ask but the house would collapse in chaos before they would actually notice anything needed doing.

underpaidandoverworked · 09/04/2009 23:48

I was previously with someone who deliberately did everything 'tits-up' so that I never asked him again to do it . Cottoned on to him, got rid and then found the most wonderful man who will do anything around the house - a rare breed indeed . Especially given his dad doesn't know which drawer his clothes are in or how many sugars he takes in his tea . Infact FIL doesn't even know where the washing machine is, let alone how to switch it on and use it . As a result, our son, now 4, from the earliest age has been 'initiated' into housework - he loves emptying the dishwasher, baking, dusting, doing the washing, even recycling . No age is too early to teach children domestic 'chores'. Look on them as 'life skills'

BuckBuckMcFate · 10/04/2009 00:05

Lol at seekers low standards!

I have completely undomesticated DS1 (12) who will happily do stuff if he gets step by step instructions but never retains them for the next time he needs to repeat the same chore.

I have DS2 (5) who is fab! Makes his own bed, pj's under his pillow, hangs coat up, shoes away, knows where and uses the bin, clears the table, can load the dishwasher, loves recycling, rinses the sink, gets a new loo roll out if he uses the last of the current one, I could go on!

Then I have DD (3) who likes to do a spot of dusting, but only if she's in the mood but refuses point blank to tidy up after herself and usually gets DS2 to do it for her! (It is the look of complete disdain she gives at the suggestion that she should have to clean up after herself that worries me!)

DP does loads around the house, he used to be in the army and made me swoon the first time I saw him fold a blanket, so neat and crisp

Miggsie · 10/04/2009 18:33

My friend has three boys, she can't get them to do anything!!!

Her cleaner, on the other hand, marshalls them up like an army and marches them round and gets them tiding up all over the place.

It's definitely a case of being able to issue an executive order, none of this asking nicely stuff in that house.

SmallShips · 10/04/2009 19:46

My DS is 3 and can load and turn on the dishwasher, wipe the surfaces, put a load of washing then put the wet clothes from the washing machine into the tumble drier and then turn it on.

I don't force him to do this though .

Long may it continue. Hes more helpful than DH!

Martha200 · 11/04/2009 10:01

My 5 yr old son, recently came back from a holiday with his grandparents. Apparently he asked his Grandma when does Grandad do the cooking? My DH for the last year has really got into cooking (no nagging occured either!) so I suggest having the male role model really helps. At the same time he thinks his dad is super at fixing things, I want him to learn actually sometimes things can't be fixed and we have to ask for help etc. That's not a reflection on his dad, as his dad is a very good problem solver, but being able to ask for help as a male I think is not a bad thing!

elsiepiddock · 11/04/2009 10:09

I have 2 boys and expect them to help just as much as I would expect girls.

My 10 year old has a few simple things he can cook (carbonara, stuffing, scrambled eggs ...) all on his own and he makes all the bread in the machine. He'll put washing on/load dryer but only if asked. He gets pocket money for mowing the lawn.

My mum waits on my dad hand and foot - I do not want to inflict that on some poor women in the future!

cornsilk · 11/04/2009 10:21

There are plenty of women that live in shit tips and do as little as possible around the house. It is called being lazy.

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