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Original poster

Remedies to stop feeling irritated/angry with kids please

45 replies

bobbyboboo · 06/04/2009 13:03

I have 3 lovely kids but for some reason at the moment they just make me so mad!! I dont have any patience with them and not a day goes by that I dont shout at them, even when they not really doing anything wrong. I just get so frustrated with all the noise, mess and everything else and always seem to feel irritable and rushing from one thing to the next. Really feel like I need to relax more and calm down. Anybody got any tips to help? Was thinking of maybe taking some sort of herbal remedy but no idea what ? Anybody any recommendations? TIA.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

chimchar · 06/04/2009 13:05

watching with interest. no tips, but lots of sympathy. x

sockmonkey · 06/04/2009 13:16

Sounds like you need a night off! Nothing like a bit of time apart to make you appreciate the noise/mess.

pginthecloset · 06/04/2009 13:22

A couple of things I found really helps with impatience/frustration:

Think about how you talk to other peoples children. You would never get quite so irritated/shouty with a friends child so try and talk the same way to your own.
Imagine you are being filmed on tv. Think about how you would come across.

As for helping the frustration itself, stick them in front of the tv for half an hour. Take yourself upstairs and breath deeply for a few minutes. Feel yourself coming back then go down and kiss them all on the head.

Remind yourself it's hard work looking after little kids and you are doing a great job

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Pendulum · 06/04/2009 13:32

ah bobbyboo I hear you. Just spent a very difficult weekend going head to head with my nearly 5 YO whose behaviour is a little, um 'challenging' at the moment. She literally talks all day and does not draw breath from waking to sleeping. I also have an 18 month old who clings to my knees a lot and shouts 'mine' whenever the older one comes near (this is a big part of DD1's problem I suspect)

Over the noise of DD1 arguing and shouting questions at us, and DD2 wailing, it is impossible for me and DH to communicate, so we probably exchanged a sum total of 100 words all weekend despite being in the same house. I feel panicky, like there is no time to think or even breathe in between the neediness.

I do try the 'tv crew' trick quite a lot and it works up to a point, but I think the thing that would help most is getting a bit of time off. We don't have family nearby so are all cooped up together 24/7 at the weekend. Ideally, I would lke my mum to take them out for just 2 hours so that I could get my head straight and maybe read the paper for half an hour.

Is that a possibility for you, or if you lready do it, do you think it helps?

MorocconOil · 06/04/2009 13:32

I could have written your thread. Every time I opened my mouth yesterday it seemed to be to tell one of the DC to not/stop doing something which was irritating me.

The mess is driving me to despair.

I tried a bach's flower remedy a while back which didn't do much. A friend bought me that poster 'Keep Calm and Carry on'. It hangs in the kitchen, and I can see it out of the corner of my eye, when I'm feeling particurarly narked. It seems to instill a bit of calmness in me.

Are your DC on holiday? Mine are and seem to have alot of expectations of how we'll keep them entertained over easter. This makes us all a little more irritable.

DH has taken mine out so I can have abreak can clean the house in peace. Not getting much done though except Mumsnetting.

tummytickler · 06/04/2009 13:44

OH the Keep Calm and Carry On poster!!!
It is a bit of a life saver for me actually, it is my little mantra. It usually makes me feel better adn sometimes stops me shouting too!
I know how you feel btw. The constant clearing up of the same mess over and over again is enough to grind anyone down. My dh is a bit useless and just doesnt seem to notice that i am slowly loosing my mind from sleeplessness and frustration (he works from home a lot - right now he is still in bed ). If i have to pick those mini dinosours up one more time . . .
Can you boot them out into the garden if you have one - then you and dh can sit and have a chat and a cup of tea. Do you have any family who can help (mine are staying at my parents house tonight and it is the thought of this that has kept me going for the last couple of weeks!).
Will be watching with interest for ideas - i think a lot of people feel like this.

MakemineaGandT · 06/04/2009 13:51

I feel like this too - and then I feel guilty that I'm not appreciating my lovely children and one day I will look back at this time and feel sad that I wished it away.....

I try to keep calm and not let the mess and noise and demands get to me, but I often feel pulled in a million directions and just out of control!

I wonder sometimes whether I am just not great with small children and hope that it will get better as they grow up a bit..

MorocconOil · 06/04/2009 13:53

tummytickler. I hate Matchattax cards, but have found that they now get picked up after I threw some in the bin, out of desperation

It made me smile thinking what the wartime creators of the 'Keep Calm' poster would think, about mumsnetters using their message to deal with the trials of motherhood.

Gateau · 06/04/2009 14:25

It's nice-ish weather - where I am anyway - so I would abandon the mess and take them out!
ON Saturday I spent most of the day just clearing up mess after mess - so tedious. Felt too tired and fed up to even go out, but then I braved it to the park and DS and I both really enjoyed it.
Always easier being out and about and I find a bit of fresh air washes a way a lot of the negative feelings.

tummytickler · 06/04/2009 15:01

Oh yes, I agree with gateau - get out of the house as much as you possibly can, if nothing else at least the house isnt getting messier, and you might actually have fun!

Pwsimerimew · 06/04/2009 15:10

DD is eight and still follows me around the house saying, "what will we do now ?/ I'm bored" Drives me mad. Have already arranged for them to stay over my parents house in two weeks, they're also coming to us for the day this Thursday and she can hassle my father who is very tolerant, till the cows come home.
Do they really ned two weeks off for Easter?
Having her friends over is so much easier as she is kept occupied and I can carry on with things without interuptions.

Feel guilty about moaning about her - she's really very funny and lovely and cute.

Pwsimerimew · 06/04/2009 15:11

need, sorry. So tired!

Littlepurpleprincess · 06/04/2009 15:19

I'm having one of those days too, so I've kicked them out, to the park in the rain. Sod it, that's what wellies are for!

Has anyone tried Yoga? Ten minutes calms me right down, it's just finding those ten minutes I find difficult!

I shouted at DS about 20 minutes ago, over something I know can deal with calmly but I felt myself getting more and more wound up, so we've gone our seperate ways for a few minutes. I have to admit to feeling very angry alot with DS at the moment. It's hard work.

screamingabdab · 06/04/2009 16:30

I went through a period of being quite depressed, which what was underlying the irritability and shouting. It becomes a habit to shout, as it feels quite rewarding in the short term to let off steam.

Realising this was NOT GOOD, i went to see a homeopath who I had seen during pregnancy. I'm pretty cynical about homeopathy itself, but she was a really good counsellor, and that, combined with more time a way from the kids (I was a SAHM) - I used to have Saturday mornings to myself - really helped.

homeopathy is expensive, but it might be worth a try (it also cured my pregnancy headaches)

Original poster

bobbyboboo · 06/04/2009 16:43

MakemineaGandT thats exactly how I feel too I really dont want to regret in the future how I am behaving now. My eldest 2 ds are 11 and 9 and I think will only ever remember me shouting when they were kids! My dd is 2 and doesnt rile me as much YET!! I really just wish I could be more relaxed with everything. I know i seem to be worse in a morning or anytime when we have to be somewhere at a certain time, it doesnt matter how hard I try to organise things we always seem to have to rush. And the other thing which really pushes my buttons is getting them to do anything, ds2 doesnt do anything till I have told him at least half a dozen times! Thank you for all your advice its good to know its not just me!

OP posts:

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 06/04/2009 16:47

I find that wine helps. And iPod are v good at blocking out "Mummeeeeeeeeee she has my DS, mummeeeee, she's breaking it, mum. MUMMEEEEE, mum, she has my dollie now and she is poking it's eyes out mummmmmmeeeeeeeeeeee"

Sorry not much help. Here have some wine.

DwayneDibbley · 06/04/2009 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

bobbyboboo · 06/04/2009 16:52

Wine sounds great!! Do remember when DS's were little ds2 was a very loud snorer and when we used to go in the caravan I had to wear ear plugs to get any sleep, I remember one day when I couldn't stand the noise any longer I wore them in the house too! Perhaps I should try this again!!

OP posts:

DwayneDibbley · 06/04/2009 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

bobbyboboo · 06/04/2009 17:03

I do feel at the end of the day they are just kids and I am the one who needs to change not them. I just wish I could be more tolerant of the noise, mess etc, I get fed up of hearing my whining nagging voice, other mums seem to cope much better.

OP posts:

screamingabdab · 06/04/2009 17:46

bobbyboboo I bet other mums are coping pretty much like you. I have had people say to me (more than once).:"You are so calm, I can't imagine you shouting "(rofl at that one!)

Dwaynes advice is really good - being out makes you not able to talk to the DCs as you might at home! (and that is why we all think everyone else is doing it better than us - we don't see them when they are on their own at home with the kids

I am being a bit flippant, but you are identifying a need for change. Do you work? I found my temper, and mood got better when I started to work a couple of days a week. I think it is the relentlessness of it, and as you say, hearing the sound of your own voice, which gets you down.

screamingabdab · 06/04/2009 18:02

GandT I think I am also better with older children, and also I find the mornings harder. I am fairly happy in my own company, and I think it has taken quite a lot to get used to the noise and chaos and constant company.

Better now that they are 6 and 8

Original poster

bobbyboboo · 07/04/2009 08:24

Thanks for all your ideas, am going to make a very conscious effort not to shout and be annoyed today. Ds1 has stayed over at his friends and will be back later so I am feeling quite calm at the moment. Going to take them swimming this afternoon. May have to pretend the film crews around if I feel myself starting to get irritated!

OP posts:

KTNoo · 07/04/2009 10:14

Lots of good advice here. I also feel like this a lot. Sometimes when I've calmed down I can't even pinpoint exactly what wound me up so much. I suppose it's the gradual drip, drip, drip of chinese water torture.

Sometimes I put the kids outside and tell them they have to stay there for at least 20 minutes so Mummy can have some quiet time. I used to feel a bit guilty about doing this until my friend told me that when she was little they had to play outside most of the day as their mum didn't want the noise/mess in the house, and if it was raining they had to play in the garage!

KTNoo · 07/04/2009 10:18

Oh, and just remembered - we have a treadmill and when I'm running they leave me alone for some reason (maybe they no I'm too out of breath to answer any questions). So it's time "alone" and I burn off enough calories to feel virtuous and have a glass of wine and nice cheese.

Is there something you like to do which could be your thing you do and they could get used to leaving you alone if your are doing it? I find they bug me more if I sit down.

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