Remedies to stop feeling irritated/angry with kids please

[bobbyboboo]

I have 3 lovely kids but for some reason at the moment they just make me so mad!! I dont have any patience with them and not a day goes by that I dont shout at them, even when they not really doing anything wrong. I just get so frustrated with all the noise, mess and everything else and always seem to feel irritable and rushing from one thing to the next. Really feel like I need to relax more and calm down. Anybody got any tips to help? Was thinking of maybe taking some sort of herbal remedy but no idea what ? Anybody any recommendations? TIA.

I relate to you hugely - I have two dd 3 and ds 5 months. Never thought it would but breathing really helps me - the stuff I did in labour comes in very handy! And never think you are the only one getting cross. I try to look at myself when things are good (however rare that seems some weeks!)and think that must be how others see me otherwise I just feel more irritable because I'm not just tired and grumpy I'm feeling guilty too.

It's so nice to find a thread full of people who feel the same way I could have written pendulum's description of her dd for ds1 (5) - I took him out on his own Sat. morn and after 2.5 hours of constant chattering was glad to come home to the other 3. Argggh.

I have found that it's a lot less to do with them than with me - I can cope with most anything if feeling ok and the smallest things will make me explode if I'm not. Yoga, homeopathy and time out have all helped but I'm kinda restricted by having 4 dc's under 5 really (5, 2 and 6mo dt's). I was wondering when the mess and chaos was going to stop getting to me, but perhaps it's just a state of mind. I'm on the verge of asking gp for some ad's, I'm crying every day and getting obsessed with tidyness.

bobbyboboo, I am reading a book at the moment which might help you with ds2 - How to talk so your kids will listen and listen so your kids will talk. As ds1 never ever does what we ask the first time, but this book puts a different slant on it all. Really helpful imo as I didn't see my parenting role as constantly telling them what to do, which is how it seems to work out doesn't it?

accessorizequeen I feel for you - if you are crying every day - this is a sign you are feeling overwhelmed. I would maybe go to the GP. Do you have any childcare? Something else I forgot to mention was that when my younger son was about 8 months , older was about 3 and at playgroup in the afternoons, DS2 used to go to a childminder for one afternoon a week. I felt VERY guilty about this at first, because I was a SAHM, but it went some way to saving my sanity.

It WILL get easier

Sleep. When I get like this I promise myself a week of early nights.

Sorry, forgot to say accessorize, go to the GP , not necessarilly for antidepressants, I have no opinion on that one way or the other... they might be able to offer counselling/clinical psychologist help

Try some Bach flower remedies. Impatiens is for irritability, but others may be more suitable. Try and find a book (v cheap from health food shops - the books, not the remedies)

A little bottle of lavender oil and breathe it in a couple of times for instant calm.

DVDs?

Chocolate buttons??

Have just taken precious minutes out of bedtime chaos (DH stressed, not DD) to read some more. Sounds like you need other remedies, not just Impatiens. There are remedies for being tired, feeling overwhelmed, etc. They take a week or so to show any effect, so you need short-term helpers, too.

thanks, screaming
I do have childcare and lots of help (p/t nanny, surestart volunteer plus my mum) so guess I've been in denial because I ought to be coping. But it's been like this since christmas so clearly not I guess. Happy to have counselling, not sure if they have any at my surgery but will ask!

I found pulsatilla is fantastic for weepiness and irritability (taking it now) from boots or holland & barrat as a short term fix. How are your hormones bobby, could it be that do you think - are you worse at certain times of the month?

Agnus Castus is supposed to help balance mood and make you lass shouty.

less, even!

Wine

oh - i second the "how to talk" book. Was firmly resistant to parenting books for ages but this really helps. And I also second the counselling thing- went to gp a couple of weeks ago thinking might have PND cos I was so grumpy and neurotic (constantly wondering if I was good mother, was my child normal etc). GP did questionnaire said I wasn't depressed or anxious as far as she could tell but there seemed to be a lot going on in my head. She also said it wasn't at all uncommon for women with young children to need a bit of "unpicking" and referred me for up to four sessions with counsellor. Had first one today and feel it was really productive. The GP offered it so readily - might be very lucky but might also be something they are obliged to offer?

I have been preoccupied with the same on and off. I've realised that 99% of times it is either my fault or me not able to deal with te situation because of tiredness, stress, too many things or being upset with dh - in other words is always me that brings it on, ifswim. My dc are only 3.8 and 1 and very good so really it is just me and the lack of time off.

having said that I do not want to shout and them copy my behaviour.

so I got this guide which is very useful and makes you think. also a friend suggested a book called mind over mood which I haven't read but sounds good.

Annabel1 Good for you. I think we do need unpicking. Having kids brings up so much - about our past, about our relationships, about our loss of freedom, about our perfectionistic tendencies etc etc etc

I'd love a bit of unpicking... annabell did you ahve to pay for it? I will ask my gp too, I need help in dealing with my emotions and feelings. before children at least one could have a good solid argument with dh and storm off and do your own thing. now even that had to be repressed otherwise one scares/worries/wakes the children.

Damon ask your GP. Many have on-site counsellors who will see you for a fixed number of sessions, or can refer you to a local NHS Clinical Psychology service. There might be a wait for the latter.

Damon - no cost to me, four sessions free - any further unpicking I would then have to self fund. They have a counsellor who works for surgery, but it's not on site, she has her own premises. All confidential and the only thing that will get fed back to the surgery is a feed back questionnaire that I fill in when I'm all unpicked!

thank you girls. I'll def give my gp a ring today. thanks again. let's see what'll come out of this.

Hi,
A while back I gave up caffiene (just stuck to herbal tea) and also started taking a B complex with st john's wort as recommended by the local health shop and it did the trick massively!
I now keep having the b complex and the odd coffee and it's not too bad.
Talk to your local health shop

It is sooooooo assuring to hear that i am not the only one who has been searching for the WIse Way out of child induced distress
I think what makes the situation worse in my case at least is the lack of balance, i.e being with them all day and night long. Too much of anything can not be good. My Dh tries to help poro thign like now he's taken our 3 year old out swimming and my 11 month old is napping so I can be Me the Human again
do try to involve someone else as much as possible...and God help us all!