Anyone go from total chaos to establishing some sort of household routine?

[suiledonn]

How did you do it and do you think it has improved your lives?

I have a dd who will be 3 in a few weeks and a 4 month old and I am a SAHM. I have never liked routine. I don't wear a watch and rarely look at a clock. I am disproportionately tired for the amount I actually achieve. We get up when we wake up and then I just rush around all day achieving very little. I'm never sure when dd2 will nap or want her next feed. It's chaos here all the time. I have zero time to myself and DH and I occasionally get to say 'hello' in passing and thats the extent of our relationship these days.

I am close to breaking point and need to make some changes but not sure where to start. Any ideas?

Ideally would like to get up every day 8 - 8.30 and fit it some housework, time with dd1 and some time outside the house. Help

mine are 18, 16 and 9 and I'm still waiting for household routine to put in any sort of appearance

To be honest, I think you need to get up a little earlier if you want to fulfil all your aims.
I know you may not like it, but why not get up half and hour to an hour earlier than your DC to get your housework done and then you can devoite the rest of the day to them?
This will help you get on top of things before they get up.
I work three days a week but on my days off find it really hard to get much housework done when DS is up.

I try to have a routine...it doesnt always work out but if it's there you sort of know where you are, what you need to do and what you've acomplished iykwim.
My DC's are 3 1/2 and 13 months. Our days usually go something like this....

6.30am - 7am Get up with DC's

7am - 7.30 Breakfast. I'll tidy the kitchen while they're eating.

7.30 - 8am Get DC's washed and dressed

8 - 8.30 Get myself washed and dressed. Make DS's lunch.

Now try to put in load of washing. Unload/load dishwasher.

9am Take DS to preschool.

10am Get back. Have my breakfast.

10.30 - 11.30 Hang washing out. Mumsnet. Tidy round house. DD is usually quite happy to sit with toys etc.

11.30 Pick DS up from preschool

12.30 Get back. Give DD lunch and put down for nap.

12.30- 2.30 Play with DS. More tidying house...whatever needs doing the most! Ironing sometimes.

2.30 Get DD up from nap.

In the afternoon we do activities like painting, sticking, colouring etc.
I will do housework etc in between sorting the DC's out and as I go along.

4.30 - 5pm DC's tea time.

They will usually sit watching Cbeebies while I make tea for me and DP.

6pm - Bath
6.30 - DS milk and DD breastfeed

7pm - Bed

Our time outside the house is usually the mammoth walk to and from preschool everyday. We live in v rural place and so can walk through the woods etc on the way home. On the days DP isnt working some of the routine goes to pot but bedtime etc remains the same. On these days Dc go to softplay, swimming, aquariam etc.

To be fair to you your youngest DC is only 4 months so any kind of routine is a bonus. It's very difficult when they're so small but it does get easier as they get older!
Sorry for the essay!

When will your eldest be eligable for free nursery sessions? You may find you have more time when she is able to attend pre school.

What sort of hours does your partner work? Is there any scope to have one evening just doing nothing except being together..watching TV, playing a board game like Triv Pursuit! Maybe even cooking a nice meal together.

I think you need to deceide what housework is essential and what can slide. I dont iron and my washing machine has a time delay feature. I put a load on at 10pm set it on 8hr time delay. Means the machine starts at 6am and I have a load ready to go out first thing in the morning.

Deal with paperwork as soon as it comes through the door etc.

Little things like that can help

Jesus kidcreole...that post brought me out in a rash! -- I have always craved a routine like yours .....but in hind sight we get all of that done just maybe at slightly different times each day or in a different order...sometimes at differnt pace etc.

I have 4 kids and think that routines change and evelove all of the time as children grow. But the components are the same feed/eat, sleep/rest, play/social, bath/bed chores,

I would priortise what is important to you now and what keeps you calm and fulfilled.

I would put a time limit on the house work stuff....as you can never do enough but you can always do too much. So say "I have to be out of the kitchen by 10am having cleared up, put on a wash etc." look at the minimum number of jobs you need to do each day and stick to the minimum!...then look at stretching weekly cleans into 1/2 hr slots...so on mon clean bathroon, tues kitchen floor, wed hoover downstairs, thurs hoover upstairs, fri food shop etc

Really important to get outdoors, go to a play group or arrange to meet for a coffee EVERY DAY.
Think how food prep can stretch...so make pot of mince so it is spag bol on mon and shepherds pie on tues. It is really early days for you and if it suits that you get dressed at midday thats great...its all about your routine...what works for you as a family and a personality..etc

I never had a routine either until my second came along then I felt I really needed one! I also think having one of them at pre-school means you have something to base your day around so when she starts there it will help you a lot. My routine is:-

7am Get up and have breakfast (tidy up a bit if I can)
8am Getted washed and dressed
9am Go out for the morning (playgroup or meet with a friend)
12pm Lunch
12.30pm Drop DD at pre-school
Between 12.30 and 3 I do my weekly shop or some washing and maybe even a relax at home while DS watches CBeebies
3.00pm Pick DD up
3pm to 5pm - Kids play and watch TV I do housework (sometimes we go to the park)
5pm - Dinner
6pm - Bedtime routine (pj's, teeth, bedtime snack etc)
7pm - They watch Max and Ruby on Nick Jr
7.30pm Bed

I have found a structured day works so much better for us. When DD starts school in Sept I don't know what I will do with myself until DS starts pre-school 6 months later!

Nikki

Can you fix meal times and naps and then do what you want inbetween??

ie breakfast either straight on waking or an hour after waking.

Lunch at 11:30

Nap 12-2.30pm

Snack on waking / 3ish

Dinner at 5pm

Bed at 6:30pm

Thanks everyone. I suppose I shall have to accept the fact that I need to get up earlier. Trouble is dd2 is stll waking for feeds in the night and dd1 is a terrible sleeper so I am tired most of the time.

DD1 will be going to pre-school in September so will have to work towards that.

Send your children to school or nursery - that will impose a routine/structure upon you by virtue of having deadlines and expectations of you and your children's behaviour.

Anna is right - I work from home three days a week (and OTH the remaining two days) so DS does 3 mornings in nursery.

This means I have to pack his bag the night before, get up early to do some work and get us both ready, that sort of thing.

But I've also got much better at things like using an extra ten mins to hoover, or washing up while my toast's browning, or getting dinner on while DS watches ITNG.

And (am embarrassed that this was a revelation at age 33, but it was ) - spending five minutes a day tidying up means that I don't have to spend an hour or more on it at the weekend, and the house will have looked reasonably nice all week, instead of going to hell in a handbasket as the days wore on.

So maybe not so much a routine as little steps and multitasking, but it is working well for me.

Not in the UK so free nursery places not an option. My concern is that since I am at home with just 2 to look after shouldn't I be able to keep on top of things?

I had PND after first baby and have to admit that I let things go very badly for a long time but I am ok this time round. I just feel I have become so disorganised and everything is such a mess that I don't really know where to begin.

I really need a good clear out but can't get the chance to do it. It is all I can do to keep on top of the washing/cooking/washing up type everyday things.

You will have to have a routine in a year or so's time, when dd goes to school. You may just have to accept chaos for now. Are you worried about the chaos for YOU, or are you worried about what other people think? If the latter, I'd say don't fuss.

Why don't you write yourself a long list of all the household chores and organisation that you would like to get on top of?

And then attack it, one thing at a time. Get on top of one thing (eg laundry) and, critically, keep on top of it, before attacking another thing (eg shopping).

It's a project to design and manage and it will both stimulate you intellectually and provide great tangible results!

jeee - It's a combination of both. I hate the panicky feeling I get if anyone calls in because the house is in such a state but also I don't want my children growing up like this (I did and I hated it) There are piles of stuff everywhere. I spend my whole time looking for things which is a waste of time and energy.

The things I need to do:

A big clear out of clothes - I have to sort out things we no longer wear and decide if they are good enough to go to charity or throw away. I have started this loads of times but now I have have filled sacks of clothes around that I will have to go through again.

Sort out dd1's toys and get rid of old, broken things and put away anything she has outgrown for dd2.

Sort out masses of paper work strewn around the house.

There is lots more too but these are the things on my mind the most.

Why, why why am I on Mumsnet?????????

I should be getting things done.

De-cluttering (which is what all the tasks you list are about) is a very good way to start. But don't be too ambitious! Divide the de-cluttering into smaller tasks eg sort your clothes on one day and get rid of what you don't wear (put it in the charity bin at the supermarket), and then tidy up your own wardrobe, do the mending etc; and then start on your children (again, one at a time).

De-cluttering is psychologically very wearing.

You do sound stressed about it. I'd agree with
BonsoirAnna. Incidentally, filling a skip with rubbish is very therapeutic, if a little shocking.

You are on Mumsnet asking for help to design a strategy for getting your tasks done! Much better to organise your project up front than just launch in with no planning.

Do you want more help writing your list and organising it into manageable chunks with tangible results?

Yes please. I think the organisational ability is what is lacking.

Actually, the thinking about how to organise is quite fun!

You can start with a room by room approach if you like, or a person by person approach or a task by task approach.

Whichever you choose, write a list (of rooms/people/tasks) and they are your main headings. Then, under each heading, write all the things you want to achieve for that heading/

For example, if you took a room by room approach you could say:

Bathroom

• empty of all belongings
• spring clean

*clean grout *de-scale taps and shower head *scrub floor

• wash all towels/flannels/dressing gowns/bathmats
• sort all products and only put back products in current use; store rest

etc

BonsoirAnna. You sound like my sister! She loves this type of thing too and if it wasn't for her busy life keeping up with 4 small children she would be around here in an instant helping me get sorted.

I think a room by room approach will help. I am going to start with the living room as that will be the quickest to sort.

Good idea! The room by room approach is good in that you get some really tangible results (even if in the short term you just transfer all your junk to one room!).

I live to list, everyone is right, it's definitely the way to go. I also love decluttering, there is something so therapeutic about filling bin bags of stuff and carting it away.

Could your DH/anyone else maybe take the DCs (or at any rate DD1) away for a few hours every few days, so you can declutter?

Believe me, once there's lots less stuff and you've got it in shape, it'll be so much easier to stay that way. And every room you finish will make you feel better.

I looked round my tidy-ish home last night with the laundry out and the dinner on and felt absurdly proud of myself (even tho would horrify a truly tidy person as being the absolute bare minimum )

Got the living room and hall done this morning. Started with the easiest rooms. Way better now, not perfect but definitely much better - nothing to be ashamed of in the event of an unexpected visitor

Next job is the kitchen which will be a bit harder and then the bathroom. I think this much is achievable in the nextcouple of days but the bedrooms will be a nightmare.

DH would gladly take dd1 out but she is going through a clingy phase and doesn't like to leave me.