How long did you take to bond with your baby?

[Hero76]

DS is 2.5 weeks old and I love him a lot and find him gorgeous, but I don't feel that overwhelming rush like being knocked over by a steam train that other mothers describe when they meet their babies - the whole tigress idea.
DP certainly feels that way - is mad about his son.
Am worried there is something wrong with me (although sleep deprivation may be somewhat to blame and the feeling of responsibility for this tiny life) - did anyone else take some time before the huge love kicked in?

It took me a good few months and even then it wasn't that strong. I'd say by 6 mths I adored him and it has grown even more since then!
You are normal.

About 2 months for each of them, if not longer. Before then i felt responsibility but not 'love'.

Wait until he smiles or coos when he sees you.

Straight away with each one, but I was unusual in my antenatal group..many of my friends took six weeks to six months, this depended a little on how settled they were.

I

For me it was a gradual thing, and I didn't really feel that rush of love until they started responding to me in some way - smiling etc.

But it's only really once they are toddlers that i get that real surge of feeling as they are so cute (and mine!)

So it varies!

Honest answer - instantly. But that is not common and it's not something I did "right" or had any control over.

My mum warned me before he was born not to expect a thunderbolt of love, she described her feelings about her children as newborns very much in the terms you do in your OP. No one could ask or hope for a more loving mother than mine.

Don't worry.

I always try to intellectualise things (probably a bit too much) and I assume that with high death rate in newborns up until recently it wasn't practical for mothers to invest too much emotion in the baby until it was more likely to survive IYSWIM

It was a gradual thing and I agree with others who say once they start smiling at you, it makes all the difference.
I remember when DS was about 5 weeks old and lying in his buggy and I stroked his cheek and he gave me one of his first smiles. Lovely!

Never felt the 'rush of love' with my first. He grew on me, but to be honest, it got harder before it got easier. 4 months was rock bottom for me, if I remember rightly. I think I told my mum I wished to God I'd never had him at that point .

Got the love rush thing with DD. Who knows why / how it happens or doesn't?

DD - didn't bond at all at birth or for months/years afterwards. But she is now 5 and my love for her is growing every day.

DS - instant love and bond. Has got stronger every day. He is now 3.

Both times it was a gradual thing. Probably 4 or 5 months if I'm honest.

I thought they were quite sweet but it was like they weren't mine just a random strangers.

DD1 (6) bonding was very gradual, I felt nothing but fear for the first few months. I wanted to put her up for adoption frequently in the first 6 months.

DD2 arriving 2.8 years later really helped, I bonded with her instantly, as did dd1.

With dd it was a good 6 months, with ds it was instant.

DD1 instant

DS a few weeks

DD3 instant

sorry that should be DD2

I never had the rush of love with DS1 - it grew very gradually.

With DS2 it was instant. I felt guilty, but my theory is that the first baby teaches you how to love in a way you've never loved before.

So there's nothing wrong with you

It too a long time for me.
I felt as if I was looking after someone else's child for the first 5 months approx.

took

I remember being absolutely floored by feelings of resentment and even dislike during DS's first few weeks.

I was tired beyond anything I could ever have imagined, had (I think) a mild case of PND, and frankly a newborn doesn't really give anything back.

DH adored him straight away, just like yours, but I remember very clearly pushing his pram along when he was seven weeks old, him grinning and gurgling away at me, and realising that I had completely and utterly fallen in love.

Tipping point for me was a combination of getting the hang of basic care of a new baby, and him responding to me.

You're normal, don't worry about it. It will come and you'll be besotted.

Ds1 - the bond was instant, but the love took a few days. I later developed PND and felt totally disconected from him, but still somehow loved him. The bond redeveloped as I recovered.

Dd - both love and bond were instant.

Ds2 - the love was instant, but the bond took about 3w.

I never felt the overwhelming rush, it was more of a deep, relaxing, sigh. A feeling of good fit, rather than thrill. The difference maybe between the lust when you first fall in love, and the love when you've been together for some years and know it will last for ever.

dd1 was instant. i was completly floored by my feelings and could not bear to put her down.

with dd2 it was weird, she must have been about 12 hours old when i was sitting looking at her and i felt that rush of love completly out of no where. it was honestly like someone had lifted the lid of my head and just poured all the love into me (weird i know!!!) have no idea why it happened at that point and not before.

DS1 - didn't even start until he was about 12 weeks old. Spent those first weeks wishing I copuld send him back. He was a very difficult baby and I was fairly clueless about everything.

Ds2 - instant love/bond

Proper bonding probably took 2-4 weeks in each case which for me coincided with getting each of my three settled into a good routine. The time equates to how long it took me to work them out, eg how they liked to sleep, feeding etc so that I felt I knew them and their preferences. With DC1, the thunderbolt was instant but I think that had much to do with him being my first and the amazement of it all. With DC2 and DC3, I was so knackered as a second/third timer with DCs to look after already, and so just got on with it. Thus it was more a case of eventually realising the strength of the bond if that makes sense!