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Original poster

I am so scared

39 replies

lobsters · 09/03/2009 19:29

Hello

I'm new on this forum. I've got a 2 month old DD. In her 2 months she's been in hospital twice seriously ill with different conditions. Otherwise she seems like a healthy, lively baby. The second issue was serious breathing difficulties on Thursday morning and she was in hospital for 2 days. They seem to have resolved the breathing issues, but what happened on Thursday morning was very, very scary and I now can't relax.

I'm not sure how I'm going to sleep tonight. I haven't really slept for the last couple of nights. I keep listening to her snuffle on the monitor and if I don't hear anything I have to go into her room to look. I just keep worrying about whether she's breathing. I think I need to talk to someone about Thursday, but I don't want to go through what happened with any family or friends. I'm thinking about buying a breathing monitor, but DH thinks we will just get too many false alarms. I just keep crying worrying about her, I don't want anything to happen to her. The only time I can relax is when my mother's help comes over and I know someone is watching her. We got some help as DH works abroad a lot during the week and my family are 250 miles away.

Is it possible to relax and not ahve every waking thought when she in not in my sight be "is she breathing?".

OP posts:
malfoy · 09/03/2009 19:31

Can you have her sleep in your room? or you sleep in hers?

MrsMattie · 09/03/2009 19:31

Can you bring her into your room? Government guidelines recommend that your baby sleeps in the same room as you until the age of 6 mths, anyway. And it might put your mind at rest that wee bit more...?

EllieG · 09/03/2009 19:32

I have no experience with this but didn't want you to go unanswered for too long - someone will be along in a minute who knows lots - but just wanted to say you have my sympathy. Is hard with a newborn anyway - I was constantly checking mine and we had nothing to worry about. Personally, in your situation, I would get a breathing monitor, if just so I could switch off a bit, but I don't know how effective they are and if you get false alarms.

Why did your LO have breathing difficulties?

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nickytwotimes · 09/03/2009 19:33

Hi Lobsters and welcome.

I think you are reacting in an understandable way. New babies scare the bejeezus out of me and having a scare like that just compunds things. What was the issue, do you know? Do you keep her in the room with you at night?
It may get easier as time passes and the memories of Thursday (which is very recent!) dim. Did the medics say if it was a one off type thing? I know it mught not reassure you much, but every little helps.

dollius · 09/03/2009 19:34

If getting a breathing monitor would help you to relax, then you should go ahead and get one.

You have a legitimate reason to be anxious, so don't worry about that. But if you do feel your anxiety is out of control, or too much, then do go to see your GP for help with sleeping and controlling the stress.

Really sorry your baby has been so unwell, it must be absolutely awful for you. I think anyone would be a quivering wreck after going through that.

dollius · 09/03/2009 19:35

And yes, I agree with bringing her into your room. You are biologically programmed to wake at the slightest murmer, and it might help you worry less.

seeker · 09/03/2009 19:37

You poor thing - how awful. Have they diagnosed anything specific wrong, or was it just "one of those things"?

I think an important thing to remember is that what you are feeling is absolutely normal and understandable - most of us feel like that about our babies even without going through the horrible time you've had. I'm sure that it will get better - but in the meantime, id there anyone you could talk to? It helps to 'tell the story" - sometimes more than once. Does your GP's practice have a counsellor? Maybe you could have a one off appointment to talk specifically about Thursday morning?

And had you thought about bringing her into bed with you? Maybe you would sleep better if she was close, and you might feel better then.

Original poster
lobsters · 09/03/2009 19:37

The breathing difficulties were due to reflux blocking the airway, she's on prescription food now that has improved things massively. She's not a brilliant sleeper and does sleep in her cot, I'm convinced she has bags as she doesn't sleep during the day much. I'm reluctant to move her out of her cot, but I am tempted to sleep in her room until I get a breathing monitor. I can't see any other way round it. It's not just night time sleeps. She's asleep now and if I don't her on the monitor I'm up the stairs in a shot. She won't sleep in the lounge with the TV on etc.

OP posts:
Beachcomber · 09/03/2009 19:37

This might not be a popular point of view but I would sleep with your baby and put off all vaccinations for as long as possible.

If you are concerned about sleep apnea than you want to read up on the links and risks of vaccination (particularly DTP which is now incorporated into the five in one).

I don't normally post like this but your case just bothered me.

nickytwotimes · 09/03/2009 19:38

One point if you do get a breathing monitor - make sure you know what to do if God forbid it goes off for real.
It is surprising how many people buy these and haven't thought about it.

Personally, I wouldn't have one as it would increas my paranoia, but for some they provide a great deal of reassurance.

dollius · 09/03/2009 19:43

Oh yes, my DS2 had severe reflux and I used to worry about him choking (see? you DO forget eventually!)
I had him sleeping with me most of the time for the first six months - you sleep much better and are very alert to any problems with the baby.
We ended up swimming in an ocean of regurgitated milk on many occasions, but better than not knowing it had happened.

happypiglet · 09/03/2009 19:50

Hi Lobsters
This is so so difficult and I totally sympathise. My DS2 was hospitalised at 11 weeks with bronchiolitis when he had severe breathing diffficulties.
My advice is to talk talk talk about the experience to anyone who will listen. Why not family and friends? or as some one suggested a counsellor. It does help. I didn't do that and wound up with post traumatic stress disorder 6 months later once he was better.
Sleep with your DD if it will help- can she not go in a moses basket in your room if cot is too big to fit there? Do whatever it takes to make you feel better and don't for one mintue think you are over reacting- you aren't. You have been through a really stressful time and need to be kind to yourself.

Original poster
lobsters · 09/03/2009 20:52

I've had a bit of a think. It's not feasible to put her in our room as she would end up sleeping next to the radiator or the boiler. I'm going to sleep in her room for the next few nights. At least until the monitor arrives. Nicky - I have the same concerns as you about the monitor making me paranoid, it's not like i can test it by asking DD to see if it works by holding her breath for 20 mins. But it has to be worth a shot. I know I found the monitors reassuring when she was in hospital.

I might think about the counsellor. I don't know why I don't want to talk to family and friends, normally I have no issues with it. I think it's because I know how much they all love her and I can't have them worrying about her like this. I need someone neutral to talk it through with,

OP posts:
seeker · 09/03/2009 21:20

Can you just take her into bed with you? I'm sure you'll both sleep better!

applepudding · 09/03/2009 22:12

If you are worried about having your baby in bed with you and can't arrange her cot in your room then do sleep in her room next to her cot. I think it is normally recommended to sleep in the same room as your child until they are 6 months.

LilRedWG · 09/03/2009 22:16

Lobsters - can I put your mind at rest on one point maybe? You are not being paranoid. My DD is 2.9 and still has her apnea monitor and she has no history of breathing problems, , just a paranoid mother.

We have had one or two false alarms on it, especially when she was tiny and we were getting used to it, but 99.5% of the time it has saved me worry, so worth having.

Take care of yourself.

LilRedWG · 09/03/2009 22:19

To test if it working, simply set it up in her cot and then place your hand on the matress - it should pick up the movement. The withdraw your hand after you are happy with it and stand very still. Ours goes off after 20 seconds if it detects no movement in the bed/cot.

DD now gets out of bed on the morning and turns it off before trundling into us.

Original poster
lobsters · 10/03/2009 17:37

Well last night I slept on DD's floor, which was less uncomfy than I managed. However I didn't sleep brilliantly as I was listening for breathing all night. I've bought a breathing monitor, so I'll spend the rest of the evening trying to figure out how it works. I'll probably on the floor again tonight and then we'll see how it goes.

OP posts:
Original poster
lobsters · 10/03/2009 18:43

Right, back to square one. I don't think monitor i've bought will work as she needs to sleep on an incline due to reflux. I will order one of the ones that is clipped onto the nappy.

I now seem to be keeping some bizarre cotg side vigil as she's asleep, it's 6pm so no use having her in our room and she won't sleep in the lounge very well. A couple of minutes ago I really couldn't tell if she was breathing, it must have got very shallow so I had to give her a little nudge. This woke her up for a minute or two, so I'm not doing her any good and I'm crying again.

Only reason I am slightly sane is that someone came over to help look after her this mornng and I was able to get some really good sleep as I knew someone was watching her.

OP posts:
OnlyWantsOne · 10/03/2009 19:08

I had a breathing mat thingie monitor for my DD - and sod what any one else says or thinks, it helped me so much

seeker · 10/03/2009 19:26

Why don't you take her into bed with you?

Original poster
lobsters · 10/03/2009 20:33

I can't work the logistics of how having her in my bed works, sorry I'm not being facecious, I can't work it out in my head. Does she sleep on top of or below the covers? I figet in my sleep how do I not throw a duvet on top of her or pull it out from under her? Also she needs to sleep on a slope for the reflux so would need to work out how to do that.

OP posts:
HeadFairy · 10/03/2009 20:41

Hi lobsters, I don't have any experience I'm afraid, I hope you can relax soon and get a decent night sleep. I did remember that I'd seen something that helped with co-sleeping if you want to try it, I could never get my head round it either. You could get one of these I know they're a bit dear, but you could then put a wedge or a couple of towels or something to get the incline your dd needs, and also it protects her if you're worried about her being in bed with you. I'd then get a bed rail and have her on the outside, with bed covers over you and dp only.

Lazycow · 10/03/2009 21:04

lobsters

For an early wvening sleep put her to sleep in her room in a small carrycot or moses basket (with something under the mattress to keep her head inclined)and then when she is alseep carry the whole thing downstairs and put it in the room with you. If you are worried about her sleeping well you can watch TV with the sound on low and subtitles and keep the lights dim. The take her up to bed with you. The bed nest looks like a good idea.

If you really don't feel happy with her in your bed, for now why not get a thin camping tyoe mattress for her bedroom and sleep in her room for a while on the floor. You may find that you can't sleep well with or without the monitor. It is thus essential that you try and carve out some space at least once a week or more if you can where someone can come and watch her and you can sleep for a bit.

I also agree that talking about how you feel about this is essential.

BEAUTlFUL · 10/03/2009 21:57

I had a Respisense monitor (that clips on to the nappy) and it was brilliant. I'd give it to you but the battery went after 6 months and you have to send it back and pay to get a new one fitted, and we never bothered.

Also, definitely get advice on what to do if she stops breathing. I think that would provide you with a lot of reassurance, just knowing that you'd be prepared if anything happened.

Your (explainable) tiredness will be making your anxtieties worse, so getting someone in to sit with her while you nap (like you've done) is a great idea.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.