working mums - how do you cope????

[PSCMUM]

I have a full time job and so deos my DH. we have 3 children. every night i get home from work about 6pm, cook dinner, then do homework and music practice with all three of them, read all three a story, hassle them into brushing teeth / wearing pyjamas and getting into bad, i do this one by one so I have individual time with each of them and writing it down now it really doenst seem like that much of a big deal, but I am CONSTANTLY exhuasted throughout, I am tired by the time I get home ,and then a start about 3 hours of intensive work, I try to get them into bed at 7 / 7,30 and 8. and then i start the housework. recently sacked cleaner as credit crucnhed and can't afford her anymore. And now I need to do a job application form. And also I need to have a bath, hair dry my hair so it doens't look like a birds nest, iron some clothes for tomorrow so i don't look like a monster and also try and do some sit ups so i dont get obese. i cannot cope with all of this. i just am too tired to do it and i feel constanly like a failure. then i need to go to bed and make my husband feel happy, rather than like he has married a frazzled ugly incapable fatso.
help me ladies please!!!!

Sorry to hijack from OP - who is prob getting some much needed sleep - but Jajas and Yesmynameisigglepiggle, having mown both sides of the fence it is just as hard each way.
Unless you genuinely are just smoking fags and drinking gin all day (either at work or home - your choice) it's all graft!

How much is afterschool club? Could you find room for an Au Pair (mine is a similar cost to afterschool club + cleaner but I only have 2 kids)? Au Pair can do cleaning/ironing during day, may be able to start off dinner for you (eg. prep veg) and supervise homework. I find the fact that the kids are in the house when I come home so I'm not racing off to get them from afterschool club is so much less stressful.

onadietcokebreak
make normal sandwich (maybe not tuna mayo), but butter on bread, ham and cheese or even tomatoes or cucumbers can survive the freezer ime. Basic fillings I think. I make the sarnies with either wholemeal/white or granary bread (fancy doesn't work), butter, simple filling then cut into 4 triangles or 4 squares, put in cling film, personally i put it in the fridge the night before, but others just chuck them frozen into the lunchbox.
IME the smaller the sandwich the better the defrost and the wrapping is key!

I'll go against the flow.

I find it gets much easier as they get older. Older school age kids = better. They dress themselves, ffeed themselves. Ok, they stay up later in the evening but I just get on with whatever I need to do. I don't need to do things for them.

And the thought of batch cooking during my weekend woudl sen dme loopy and resentful. Can't think of anything worse. I just have a stock of 30 min meals (max) for weekdays.

Glad to hear that pointydog.

Because I am struggling with DS1 (4) and DS2 (2).

But I am finding it easier as I get something approaching a full night's sleep (usually with one of them waking at least once).

I think I would slit my wrists now if I thought it was going to get any harder!!!

I'm hoping they'll go to bed EARLIER too as they get older - DS1 is whacked with school and could probably go earlier than 8-8.30pm but that's when we manage bedtime.

DS2 has a sleep in the afternoon and so is still roaming around at 9ish...

I also found it easier all the way from babyhood to now in terms of being a parent, and a working parent. My dc are 8,7,4 and it's far far easier than when they were tiny - you get a good night's sleep, all night every night. They can dress themselves, get their own breakfast, make their own packed lunches, all sorts of things that make my life easier. Little things like getting out of the house, walking to school, are far less stressful.

OMG 5.45!!!

Have skimmed the thread, but it seems you have a lot of good advice on here.

Forgive me if I'm repeating.

We are in a similar position ie: two full time jobs, DH has recently taken on a big promotion so leaves at 7 am and back late (though our 3 children are older than yours). Prior to this, we both had pretty much equal jobs in terms of responsibility/length of commute.

Definitely let housework go on the backburner. Have a big blitz every now and again. Re-book your cleaner when you can afford it. Or get an agency to do a really big spring clean when you can afford it.

Don't bother with ironing.

Shop on line.

Sort out some before-school care for your children (you mention doing the school run and getting into work late so you start the day on the wrong foot). IME, how you start the day is psychologically SO important - get off to a bad start and you're mentally playing catch up all day. If you can find a childminder to buy yourself a half hour in work you will feel SO much more on top of things.

And it does get easier as they get older. They may get stroppy and argumentative, but at least they can dress themselves, make their own packed lunch and so on.

Probably repeating what others have said but i work 28hrs a week, DH works full time and we have 2 toddlers.

I keep fairly sane by:

Never ironing (unless there's an interview or a funeral!) I hang things up while damp and they're usually fine.

Do less housework

Share cooking / washing

Food shop mainly online

And personally, i think a 9yr old is old enough to help with chores, like clearing the table, helping dress a younger child etc. I was at that age.

I found that looking at babies and toddlers was much more mechanical and practical. Yes it takes time to change nappies and entertain, but older children seem to me to be much harder work. Mine argue engage in debates with me constantly. I find I spend more time nagging about doing piano practice than the time taken to do the practice. Ditto most things actually. Is it just me raising putative hard-ass litigators? Aren't all children like this?

Hmm. If mine don't do the music practice I cancel the music lessons. And if they want to engage in debate that's fine, I love nothing more than a good argument, but we do it at mealtimes or on the way to school, not when I want to be doing something else.

And if they don't want to do their homework, I just write in the book, "Dd2 didn't want to do her homework this week". Which dd2 hates.

my mum told me if I didn't do my piano practice I wouldn't have any more lessons - my choice. I chose to, and ended up with a great hobby (are they at that difficult time when it's not all new and exciting but theycan't do much with it yet either? That lasted about 3 months for me, when I wasn't practising). If they choose no, well fine!

I do still have a cleaner but find it hard having us both work with the two little ones, even tho they're very good really and so is dh generally speaking. It is a case of working out what you want, what you are prepared to put up with and what you can get away with, ime!

I didn't read the whole thread..BUT could the kids help you with the dishes? (maybe not 3YO )
We just started that, they take turns drying - mine are 7 and 9, and I find that we really chat while we are working, and I don't have to face a mountain of dishes when they go to bed. Plus they earn their pocket money that way.

Reading the OP again, I'm realising she has much higher expectations than me.

I wouldn't read each of mine a story every night. Usually I only read to the youngest who's not yet reading, the older two can and do read to themselves in bed. Or I'll maybe read to 2 or 3 together. Or DP will read to the older two.

And I don't make individual time for each of them every night. Some nights I do, some I don't. Or we do it at weekends, not on busy school nights.

Mine only get homework once a week which does take the pressure off. And it only takes a few minutes. But if they got more, I'd expect them to do it mostly on their own anyway, so I can't see that it should take too much time supervising it.

It's not that we don't care about school or education, we do, very much so, but I do expect the dds to take some responsibility for their homework and music practice, rather than us nagging at them or supervising it too closely.

Thank God for your posts pointydog and others, I have just read with horror Quattrocento's opinion that this is going to get harder as DS gets older.

I thought it would get easier when he can at least put himself to bed!

I'm wondering if you sense of feeling unable to cope at the moment could be down to your job hunting. I often find that everything ticks along fine until I have to do something over and above what I normally do such as organise a party, have people to stay or apply for a job. This is when I feel that the balance tips from being in control to feeling overwhelmed. Just a thought.

I too am astonished. Only work 2.5 days. 2 children. Give yuorself a break, you are doing a fab job. Job being operative word !

And I agree with Lanky. I can manage until something out of the ordinary happens - last weekend DS was rushed to hospital (turned out to be absolutely fine but was heart stopping for a while). Whole of last week I felt exhausted and completely unable to cope with being a working mother. Made me question everything.

This weekend, nice restful time, quality relaxation with DS and DH, feel ready to conquer the world again.

I work pt with one child - and I'm also frequently tired so I'm amazed you keep going!!!

I would suggest if at all possible that you try to see if you can reduce your working time to less hours per day, or do 4 day week. I find that when I consider going back to work ft that what i'd pay in child care, ready meals, cleaning help etc that it really wouldn't be worth my while so I stay working PT which means that on my day off (Monday) I get to hoover/dust, and make up meals for the week (cottage pie, bolognese etc). I do urgent ironing for hubby and my work clothes/school clothes on Sun and anything else I have time for on a Mon.

Re exercise, I don't know what its like where you live but could you go for half hour walk with your children when you get home - particularly now its staying lighter - I walk child to school and back and find I get exercise but also its a good time to chat with him.