working mums - how do you cope????

[PSCMUM]

I have a full time job and so deos my DH. we have 3 children. every night i get home from work about 6pm, cook dinner, then do homework and music practice with all three of them, read all three a story, hassle them into brushing teeth / wearing pyjamas and getting into bad, i do this one by one so I have individual time with each of them and writing it down now it really doenst seem like that much of a big deal, but I am CONSTANTLY exhuasted throughout, I am tired by the time I get home ,and then a start about 3 hours of intensive work, I try to get them into bed at 7 / 7,30 and 8. and then i start the housework. recently sacked cleaner as credit crucnhed and can't afford her anymore. And now I need to do a job application form. And also I need to have a bath, hair dry my hair so it doens't look like a birds nest, iron some clothes for tomorrow so i don't look like a monster and also try and do some sit ups so i dont get obese. i cannot cope with all of this. i just am too tired to do it and i feel constanly like a failure. then i need to go to bed and make my husband feel happy, rather than like he has married a frazzled ugly incapable fatso.
help me ladies please!!!!

I have one DS and am astonished how people with 2 or more manage. What you do is amazing. There are lots of good ideas here. Can I reiterate the working from home once a week idea? I do it and it makes all the difference to my fatigue levels. Obviously it depends on the nature of your job, but what works for me is my colleagues know they can get a near immediate response from me if they email me. (I log in and send email as if I'm from work, which helps for the look of things). To add to the batch cooking: soups freeze beautifully, so even if you're serving a 'scratch' meal (and you sound like the sort of perfectionist who feels guilty if she's not putting three courses on the table), the soup makes it more substantial.

Continuing the food theme, but also to save money and to enable you for goodness sake get that cleaner back (if you can , don't mean to tell you what to do): if you and DH are buying lunches at work, make them in batches at the weekend, frozen and ready to grab with yoghurt, fruit etc. each morning. Cheeses and smoked meats freeze beautifully; egg and veggies don't!

And, as if you don't know this, and as if I'm not as bad, try not to worry if things slide.

thank you SO MUCH! all of you for your posts. I am def going to do the batch cooking thing. that is such a good idea. I am going to literally start that tomorrow morning. We don't buy lunches - we both take sandwiches with us eveyr day. the kids have a cooked meal at school but i like to have a bit of family time each day - its only 15 mins - sat round the table all together, bickering, arguing, you know the sor of thing that makes "quality" fmaily time! I do need to read with 6yo every night yes, she is very academic and loves it - i'm not an uber pushy 'my chlid is so amazzing she must be PUSHED and STRETCHED' etc, but I do see that she really thrives on books, they make her happy and she does get homework from school three nights a week which does need to be done, and againm whcih she gets great pleasure from. I never iron anything apart from the shirt I am wearing with my suit. Never ever ever. The children have never experienced ironed garments except when staying with grandparent. that is just not on my list AT ALL! If they don't have weetabix all over their uniforms i feel like a domestic goddess!
and yes - i really think whoever said the alcohol / food check on myself is such a good idea.

and re the housework - i am not hoovering or taking a cloth to anything - when i siad housework in my OP I meant literally clearing the table, washing up, hanging up wet washing, preparing mine and dhs' lunches for the morn, and picking up bits of toxic waste / industrial building materials from around the house which have been helpfully, yet inexplicably, strewn about the floor by the children during the day . i am so far from hoovering its not funny. and the cobwebs are taking over.

it has been very very very therapeutic reading all your replies!

I just re-read my original post and thought it sounded harsh in a sort of pull yourself togetehr way. Of course it wasn't meant like that and it seems you didn't take it like that-thanks! I really just remmebered that sometimes it helps just to remmeber that actually you love your life (though sometimes its a bit much). Though of ocurse if actually you don't love your life you need to do something.

No reason not to moan a bit though.

o god no - really don't wory abot it - i didn't take it like that at all, and in fact i am like tat myself 'come on, get on top of it, you can do it' etc. but moaning is also very very therapeutic.

one thing i do, which may help is iron ALL clothes on a Sunday , mine and DC's so I know exactly what I am wearing to work each day and it is ironed and ready to go and same for dc's. DD is school uniform and she wears the everything the same Mon-Wed and then gets a new shirt and cardi for Thurs - Fr. I have 5 lots of pants and tights all out ready to go too! DS has new outfit everyday as he is at nursery so gets dirtier but it is all in a pile so I just grab the next thing on pile each morning and on it goes. buys me a little time in evening. I do all my banking etc/ household admin at work too.

I think reinstate the cleaner no matter what. It is an essential thing in your situation. Much sympathy!

Katisha, sorry for slow response. They have quite a reasonable repertoire, actually. Recently they've cooked

1. Carbonara
2. Spaghetti bolognaise
3. Toad in the hole
4. Thai yellow curry (from scratch)
5. Roast dinner
6. Cakes, various
7. Chicken casserole
8. Spicy meatballs
9. Steak and fries

10. Lentil and potato soup 11. Pizza (this is a bit wearisome, leaving the dough to prove, but they love it because it's funny and they get to design the toppings)

They are not allowed to repeat too frequently so that they can build up various skills and we don't get bored eating the same stuff. The deal is that they get to cook the food

Meant to say, the deal is they get to choose what it is that they want to cook.

Yikes! And is this all flying solo?

My two are barely able to spread jam on their own toast (9 and 7). This is about to Change!

would really get whoever does after school care to help with homework. Although you may want to do work with the 6 yr old, at least it will be work you both want to do rather than work you have to do iyswim.

I really do think both working full time + children does mean you are tired a lot of the time. I try to walk through the door by 7 but do find, by the weekend, I am dead on my feet!

and ps I too haven't cracked the exercise thing but dd has mastered how to make a cup of tea and loves bringing me one so this cheers up my weekends immensely!

Well I tend to hover around unless forcibly excluded (DD does make me leave the kitchen). They are 10&8. Stuff like using the foodprocessor (for meatballs and lemongrass) I try to make sure they let me help.

Some brilliant suggestions so far - my only addition would be to drop the duty sex. Good sex occasionally has got to better than to-do list sex regularly .

Sometimes I have been known to do our reading practice whilst I have been driving the car - oh the shame!!

oh clemette, very good point

I don't normally talk about sex on mumsnet but one time sharing tip....sex in the shower. You can wash your hair and shag in one session. It's like 2 for the price of one .

Woman I can feel your mania from here!! How do you do it all. Not much to help but this helped me.

Get a slow cooker, chuck it all in the pot in the morning and leave it all day then cook pasta or rice or cous cous (even quicker) dinner done in 10 mins

Freeze sandwiches for lunches, including DH, in advance, do them all on a Sunday.

Get an ironing lady, one hour of ironing per week much cheaper than a cleaner.

Get DC to do chores - pretty obvious that one

Clean the shower when you're in it

Hoover just before you go to work, feels great to come home to a freshly hoovered house.

My DH is in charge of laundry, he washes, dries and irons every god damn item in the house. Men like activities that have a start, a middle and a satisfying end (how simplistic!) but true!

Does any of that help?

Also getting back the cleaner if at all an option would be best for you, but you could just have 2 hours a week for someone to clean toilets, mop floors and dust. Those are the buggerators of housework IMO.

Take advantage of any homework/after school clubs if possible especially if they include food.

Hmm, we have 2 DC and both work full-time, we have decided that we are already stretched to our limit and don't have enough patience for 3!

My childminder does our ironing - she is so fast and does it ALL (sheets too!) in 3h a month (in 1/2hr sessions).

Sorry - dinner is calling...

I have just read this thread with interest. My DH and I both work shifts (pretty much opposite and don't have many days off together) and have a 10 month old DD.

We have just made a life changing decision to move to where our families live. We're lucky that we can transfer our jobs and we're cutting our losses with what we'll probably lose selling the house in this economic mess.

OP - when I read your post it could have been written by me (minus the music practice of course) Some days I could just fall in a heap with exhaustion. That's why we took a long hard look at our lives and decided something had to change. We have no family here and rely on a childminder (who is lovely and extremely flexible) and I felt that I never give work 100% and never give my daughter 100%. Hopefully with the support of our families around us, it will ease the pressure and we'll be able to enjoy these early times as a family.

What I'm getting at is you only get one life, be mindful that months turn into years and before you know it, your kids are doing their A levels. Think to yourself, "Will I regret feeling like I do now for a good chunk of my kids' childhoods?"

I'm not saying hand your notice in tomorrow on a whim, but look at the bigger picture and assess if there are any bigger changes you could make to relieve your pressure.

This aside, there's some really good, practical advice here!

bloody hell you lot! im a sahm to one and feel ashamed im knackered.
could you cut back somewhere else and have a cleaner? maybe a clean and tidy house friday evening would be worth looking forward to and a more restfull weekend?

Hey SAHM's don't feel guilty. I have gone from very busy career mum of one to SAHM of two (through location and circumstance of DH work) and honestly hats off to SAHMs.
Time management is just as critical and all advice is good!
I am looking forward to going back to work though at some point, more time to myself tbh!

"and re the housework - i am not hoovering or taking a cloth to anything - when i siad housework in my OP I meant literally clearing the table, washing up, hanging up wet washing, preparing mine and dhs' lunches for the morn, and picking up bits of toxic waste / industrial building materials from around the house which have been helpfully, yet inexplicably, strewn about the floor by the children during the day . i am so far from hoovering its not funny. and the cobwebs are taking over"

That's the bit that drains me and makes me personally feel exhausted I think. Whether I am working or not DH and I have a blitz before we settle for the evening, literally mad 5 minutes (as my mum used to say) we tackle a room each, kitchen and sitting room. Big box in corner of sitting room for all the toys and crap...in it goes! Floor cleared, cushions back on sofa, lights are low I can cope with not seeing dust! Kitchen, all pots are done and if you take my slow cooker advice not many of those or dishwasher loaded and washer loaded! Lots done in.... (maybe more than 5 mins) but it's very relaxing!!!

ALL of you here sound amazing, I work 2 days a week and have 3 kids and am shatered and never feel on top of things or that the kids get enough attention. Hats off to you, not much practical help though!!

Supergluebum...how do you freeze sandwiches? What sort of filling etc?

Some wonderful ideas on here on time saving and sanity saving ideas!