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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

Just got card from HV saying lo's 'should be toilet trained during day', by 3...

37 replies

hazeyjane · 23/02/2009 14:51

...and am feeling like an absolute failure, because dd1 who is 3 in March, has just said to me, 'mummy I don't need to use a toilet, I do poos in anppies, it's easy!'

What would be the best way to start her, as she just thinks the whole idea of using a potty/toilet is ridiculous.

Thankyou

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Dropdeadfred · 23/02/2009 14:54

Does she have any friends her age who are potty trained/training?

I would take her nappies off at home and have a potty handy.

GooseyLoosey · 23/02/2009 14:54

Tell her that big people like you don't use nappies, they use toilets and its very easy too. Does she come to the loo with you?

squeaver · 23/02/2009 14:54

First - don't worry about what the HV is saying.

Second - have a search through all the very helpful threads on potty training on here.

Fwiw, I find bribery goes a long way.... Your dd sounds like a clever little thing and would probably respond.

Also does she have an older friend/relative who could show her what a cool thing it is to go to the loo.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

amidaiwish · 23/02/2009 14:56

get her the Princess book "i want my potty" which goes on about "nappies are yuck, there must be something better"... it's very amusing.

get her to choose some pants

when you are ready to give it a sustained effort - and are able to stay at home for a few days, then just go for it.

Bubbaluv · 23/02/2009 14:56

That's nothing, my MIL thinks children in nappies at 2yo is "disgusting".
Well it is, but unless she's going to come over and do the training for me, we're simply going to have to be disgusting for a while!

edam · 23/02/2009 14:58

what on earth? For heaven's sake, yet another stick for HVs to beat perfectly normal families with. Like every other aspect of child development, it's not a sodding race!

If YOU want to encourage potty training and think YOUR dd might be ready to give it a go, then the MN threads will be very helpful. But not being potty trained until 3.5 is well within the normal range (I checked because ds had no interest at all until he suddenly decided to go for it aged 3yrs 3 months) so the HVs are being rather pushy here.

Original poster

hazeyjane · 23/02/2009 15:09

Thankyou.

I will definately look out for the Little Princess book.

We went out and bought some Charlie and Lola pants, and she and her sister (21 months) ran around with them on their heads for about an hour!

Most of her friends, are boys (not that that should make a difference) who are a bit younger than her, but I had though about doing it at the same time as one of her friends (and also at the same time as dd2-eek!)

GooseyLoosey, I rarely go to the toilet without both dd's squeezing in their with me, she is definately well versed in the ways of the toilet!

Bribery does sound like a good option!

I love mumsnet, you have put a soothing balm on the panicky feeling that receiving that card made me have.

OP posts:

mosschops30 · 23/02/2009 15:12

Dont worry about it, ds was only just in pants on his 3rd birthday. I tried him before that and it was a disaster every time and he clearly wasnt ready.

As soon as he was, we knew it, he just got it, and was dry in the night too almost immediately.

I wouldnt take any notice of your HV or any friends or relatives, all our children are as individual as we are and need to be treated accordingly

Good luck (oh and I always found chocolate buttons a great bribe )

Habbibu · 23/02/2009 15:20

No help, hj, but she does sound like a very sharp little cookie...

Original poster

hazeyjane · 23/02/2009 19:45

Thanks Habbibu, I have just finished peeling the cushions off the sofa, after she sellotaped them on there with an entire roll of sellotape!

Thats what I get for Mumsnetting, whilst I think they are quietly watching Peppa Pig.

I will stock up on chocolate buttons tomorrow!

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 23/02/2009 19:50

a card??? to tell you to potty train your child?? wtf?
there is a shortage of health visitors and they're getting them to send out cards about potty frigging training like that's the most important thing in the world.

how absolutely random. do you get cards saying things like "remember, always feed your child" or "send your child to school at 5" or other random things? or is she just obsessed with toilets?

I agree with mosschops anyway, there is no point trying to potty train a child who is not ready. it'll end in tears. for both of you.
if she is ready it shouldn't take long for her to be dry, but please don't worry if she isn't ready. many, many 3 yr olds aren't

Habbibu · 23/02/2009 19:55

Oh, I think I love her...

Original poster

hazeyjane · 23/02/2009 19:56

Don't worry thisisyesterday, they weren't just obsessed with toilets! Apparantly she should also be able to

'run about and walk upstairs alone

hold a pencil and draw a circle

say at least 3 words together and enjoy listening to a story

and

enjoy playing with other children'

I must admit it pisses me off that they waste money on this crapola.

OP posts:

Phoenix · 23/02/2009 19:59

Only read the OP. My ds was 3 a few weeks ago and says he'll be in nappies forever. He shows no interest whatsoever in the potty or toilet and will not go nappy free apart from for a few mins after he gets out of the bath.

thisisyesterday · 23/02/2009 20:03

oh goodness, the pressure is on then! will you be testing her? pmsl

my 4 yr old is really crap at drawing circles and refuses to hold a pencil properly. lucky my HV is still on long-term sick or he'd be in big trouble

Phoenix · 23/02/2009 20:07

Ok read it all now.

Ds will not be bribed, he says he doesn't like chocolate (absolute lie) if we say do a wee wee on your potty and you can have some chocolate.

We've tried a sticker chart. He did 1 wee on his potty, got a sticker then wanted a nappy back on.

We've bought pants and boxer shorts. He will not wear them.

He doesn't care if we say 'only babies wear nappies and you're a big boy now', he replies with 'no mummy i'm a baby'

I don't know what to do other than let him decide.

Sorry to take over your thread

Original poster

hazeyjane · 23/02/2009 21:36

Please don't be sorry, Phoenix, I am relieved to hear that someone else is in a similar boat (I can't believe I've just said that, it sounds a bit mean!)

Have you looked at any books? The only one I have is No Cry Potty Solution.

If you like we could try some strategies at the same time, kind of a mini mumsnet support group?!

OP posts:

cat64 · 23/02/2009 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Egg · 24/02/2009 13:53

Phoenix your DS sounds like my DS1 (except mine never says he doesn't like chocolate). He was 3 last week and says that as he is always going to be mummy's special baby (he has twin siblings age 13 months - I trotted out that line to help him not worry about being pushed out) he will always wear nappies...

Dropdeadfred · 24/02/2009 22:37

If you don't buy nappies they can't wear them.

I know none of you are in a rush to toilet train them (and Egg you have your hands full!!) but seriously...they can't go out and buy their own can they?

Egg · 25/02/2009 17:41

But Fred this can of course result in many many wees / poos on carpet etc .

Lizzylou · 25/02/2009 17:49

This sort of thing really irritates me, DS1 was out of nappies just gone 2yrs 3mths (would have been sooner but we had DS2 when he was 2yrs old so waited).
DS2 is almost 3 and is nowhere near ready, despite being obsessed with watching us all going to the loo (tries to catch DS1's wee stream ), have tried twice and just accepted that now is not the time for him.
FWIW I am sure my Mom thought I was being lazy, until DS2 proclaimed on Christmas Day that he now wanted to wear his Mr Men underpants he'd got in his stocking. He'd peed himself twice and shat himself once by 10.30am. She finaly agreed that he seems to have no sensation of when he needs to go!

TheButterflyEffect · 25/02/2009 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BonsoirAnna · 25/02/2009 18:06

I think this is just loopy. What exactly do HVs think is going to happen to children who are not trained by 3?

Phoenix · 25/02/2009 18:07

I would really rather buy nappies than listen to the screaming tantrum that follows if he doesn't have a nappy on .

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