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Parenting

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Original poster

Qu for mothers of boys....

44 replies

SouthernMeerkat · 15/02/2009 18:59

Musing today as we were out and about in the park and DS1 needed the loo. There are public loos (which I do try to avoid!) but obviously that's not always possible, and as usual, he came in with DD and myself. (He's 4 btw, nearly 5).

At what age would you allow/did you allow/expect your son to go into a male public loo by himself? I really don't know at what age I'd be happy for him to do so, or would expect to feel uncomfortable that he still comes in with me.

What did you/ will you do?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

LoveMyLapTop · 15/02/2009 19:04

Depends where the toilets are
DS 1 iis 8 and he uses public toilets alone
DS2 is 5 I would allow him into restauarant toilets alone but would be more careful in others depending where they are

PeachyHasABrokenKeyboardSorry · 15/02/2009 19:06

DS2 is 8 and I willlet himnow.

Coldtits · 15/02/2009 19:06

Nearly 6 - not yet!

When he is mature and confident enough to shout "DON'T TOUCH ME" or "MUM THAT MAN SHOWED ME| HIS PENIS!"

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RumMum · 15/02/2009 19:14

My son was probably about 8, and I would say if your not out in 4 mins I'm coming in... he's 10 now

I sent the lifeguard in to find him when he was ages in the toilet whilst swimming recently... the life guard came out and whispered "he's ok... he's doing a pooh"

BoysAreLikeZombies · 15/02/2009 19:14

Not wanting a fight but is it not likely that if you teach him to say THAT MAN SHOWED ME HIS PENIS he will be reporting this to you each time he uses a puclic loo with urinals?

Better to teach him that it's safer not to talk to strangers and to shout if any one touches him

Original poster

SouthernMeerkat · 15/02/2009 19:38

Thanks everyone - seems I have a couple of years more grace!!

OP posts:

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 15/02/2009 19:38

Mine are 8 & 9 and I would not allow it.

Original poster

SouthernMeerkat · 16/02/2009 19:28

HQOG - can I ask at what age you would do so?

OP posts:

TheFallenMadonna · 16/02/2009 19:31

My ds is 7 and he has been doing alone for about a year I think. Depending on the situation. I haven't really trained him for it (re shouting or anything like that). I do know he always uses a cubicle though.

LynetteScavo · 16/02/2009 19:38

In a park? Never!

I let DS2 (5) go into mens in Ikea today with DS1 who is 10, but only becuase the ladies were b3ing cleaned.

I think DS1 was 9 when he started refusing to come into the ladies with me. Luckily DH, or another male family memeber has been with us if we were at road side services, or somwhere I wasn't happy about him being alone.

I would happily barge into the mens if I was at all concerned about him.

VincenzotheBanker · 16/02/2009 19:40

in a park?
hmm depends on loo
i would use trees

Original poster

SouthernMeerkat · 17/02/2009 13:19

Thanks again. Lynette - it's a very family friendly park and the loos are spotless, but yes, I would barge in if I was worried!

It seems that I don't have to worry for a couple more years yet anyway.

OP posts:

OrmIrian · 17/02/2009 13:21

I can't remeber with DS#1. But DS#2 goes alone now sometimes. He's 6 on Sunday. Depending on location.

giantkatestacks · 17/02/2009 13:23

Hmm a park is a different matter entirely isnt it in terms of dodginess...but our local gym has a sign up saying that at 7 they shouldnt be in the opposite sex changing rooms.

At some point they need to be told why they should be careful in toilets - its no good sticking your head in the sand is it - they need to have that awareness.

OrmIrian · 17/02/2009 13:28

It also depends on what you mean be 'alone'. DS#2 only asks to go in to the gents when DS#1 is there too. So they go together and DS#1 keeps an eye. If it's just him and me we go together.

mehgalegs · 17/02/2009 13:31

I send the three big ones in together but wouldn't let them use our local park loos as well known for dodginess (someone passed a note under the cublicle door to DH once offering his services

I always linger right outside door.

IdrisTheDragon · 17/02/2009 13:34

DS is 5.2 and sometimes goes into male toilets on his own, but I am always right outside and he goes very quickly. In say a restaurant, I wouldn't let him go all on his own ie the rest of us were eating our meal.

ABetaDad · 17/02/2009 13:34

An 8 year old in a restaurant is OK but not anywhere else. Obviously as a Dad I can go with him.

If I were a woman with a boy in the park I would do is nip in the Ladies and check if anyone was in. If not I would send him in there and stand outside and just let anyone know that wanted to go in the loo that your son was in there so they would not be offended.

That said I once went in the Gents loo in Cambridge railway station and I got very indignant that there were all these young women in there. I was just about to start haranguing them - then I noticed there were not any urinals .

Its hard to look nonchalant in a ladies loo with your flies down.

LynetteScavo · 19/02/2009 08:36

@ spotless loos in the park. Our have UV lights to prevent people shooting up.

ihearthuckabees · 19/02/2009 14:40

I think a lot of women wouldn't want 8 and 9 year old boys in the Ladies, to be honest! I think 7 is about the right age to let your boys go to the Gents. I wouldn't scare them with tales of men touching them and so on. I work on the assumption that the likelyhood of anything happening is v. v. small, and if DS is ever unlucky enough for something to happen, I'll deal with it then. It's not naivety, it's just not wanting to make my child scared and untrusting.
Just remind him to use a cubicle (for privacy) and that you're right outside if he needs any help.
If the park toilets are dodgy, he should discreetly go behind a tree.

Lizzylou · 19/02/2009 14:42

Mine are almost 5 and almost 3 and this is one aspect of praenting boys which scares me to death tbh.
Think I will invest in a bottle to take places with us

MmeLindt · 19/02/2009 14:45

I let DS go on his own in the toilets in a supermarket yesterday. He is 4.5yo.

I would not let him go in a public park yet though.

mistlethrush · 19/02/2009 14:47

Our leisure centre has a sign saying that children under 8 should be accompanied in the changing room - implying that over 8 they are expected to use a changing room (the correct sex presumably) on their own - so likewise the toilets.

giantkatestacks · 19/02/2009 15:06

ihearthuckabees - I dont think they need to be scared of things happening but I do think they need to be aware.

It actually not that small a likelihood sad to say in a park or a train station. Its not that someone will try it on with them in there but there may be stuff going on that you wouldnt want them to see - consensual sex/drugs etc and they need to know to avoid it and come straight out again or use a cubicle or whatever.

Nabster · 19/02/2009 15:07

My son is nearly 8 and I wouldn't let him go in a public loo alone unless I knew it was empty and could wait by the door. If I am not with DH I would take him into the ladies with me.

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