Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Qu for mothers of boys....

44 replies

SouthernMeerkat · 15/02/2009 18:59

Musing today as we were out and about in the park and DS1 needed the loo. There are public loos (which I do try to avoid!) but obviously that's not always possible, and as usual, he came in with DD and myself. (He's 4 btw, nearly 5).

At what age would you allow/did you allow/expect your son to go into a male public loo by himself? I really don't know at what age I'd be happy for him to do so, or would expect to feel uncomfortable that he still comes in with me.

What did you/ will you do?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Nabster · 19/02/2009 15:09

RumMum - that life guard sounded lovely.

LouMacca · 19/02/2009 15:12

God, this is a hard one. My son is 6 and I'm not comfortable with him going to the loo on his own anywhere at the moment.

About 18 months ago a 5 year old boy was sexually assulted in the local supermarket that I use. The mum and boy were at the checkout when he needed the loo. The boy was given £1 by the man as a bribe not to tell his mum. When they got outside the boy produced the £1 coin saying he wanted to go on a ride and obviously the mum questioned where he got the £1 from.

This has really shaken me I suppose because it is so close to home - the boy could have been my son.

Original poster

SouthernMeerkat · 19/02/2009 19:45

LouMacca - that is so scary....I think 6 is still too little -especially as DS is such an innocent still really. I've tried to talk about stranger danger but he can't understand why someone wouldn't be nice.....

I think I'll just have to make sure I never go anywhere without DH once he's 7 or 8 !!

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General parenting

TsarChasm · 19/02/2009 19:51

My ds is 7 and uses the mens toilet. Sometimes he comes in with dd's and me but he prefers going into the boys toilet.

But yesterday we were in Asda and he wanted the toilet and was in there aaages.

I was hanging about outside and more and more men were going in and out. I did start to feel quite worried. I know that's being overprotective but I was.

Eventually I was shouting through the door and he wandered out - he'd been drying his hands for goodness knows how long(ie messing around with the dryer) He's coming in with me next time.

Smee · 19/02/2009 20:45

Ihearthuck, I don't understand. Why would anyone mind an 8 or 9 year old boy going to the loo with his mum. After all we all use cubicles, so they would too. Am I being dim or something..?

ihearthuckabees · 20/02/2009 15:48

giantkatestacks - yes, I can see what you mean about there being a chance of stuff going on that you wouldn't want them to see. I suppose it's just a case of judging each situation on its merits (i.e. where the toilet is located, and the sort of people that could be using it).
I was referring to sexual assault being very rare, despite the story about the supermarket above.
Re older boys being in the ladies, if they are 8 or 9 they are probably NOT going to be going into a cubicle with their mothers, but using their own cubicle or hanging around waiting. I think some women would be uncomfortable with that, wouldn't they?

ihearthuckabees · 20/02/2009 15:52

Smee, have just re-read your message and realised you didn't imply they'd share a cubicle. Oops, sorry. Maybe it's just me, but my experience of boys of around that age makes me think they are quite interested in bodies and also toilet-related things, and they might have a bit too much curiosity for my liking. Does that make sense?

Smee · 20/02/2009 16:37

It does iheart, but it wouldn't bother me, as 8/9 is still so young and if they kids are with their mothers, even if they're not using the same cubicle I can't see what they can see really that would bother anyone. Doesn't mean it wouldn't bother others though, so please feel free to ignore me, as I'm probably in the minority. tbh I could easily understand it the other way round - ie 8/9 year old girls going to loo with their dads. If I was a bloke and a little girl was hanging around whilst I was using the urinal I'd probably be more than a bit put out.

tevion · 21/02/2009 16:03

mine was 7

DrNortherner · 21/02/2009 16:15

My ds is 6 and I sometimes let him use gents but it depends where we are.

kormachameleon · 21/02/2009 16:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pagwatch · 21/02/2009 16:30

God I cxan't remember with DS1 except that i started to let him go once he started to ask if he could.
DS2 managed his own visit to the loo during the summer aged 12. He has SN and got a big kiss from both me and DD when he came out having manged on his own. he was very proud .

TBH i think you can let them go once they wantto as long as you stay close and are prepared to walk in without hesitation if you have any concerns.

Flibbertyjibbet · 21/02/2009 16:37

My ds1 is 4 and uses the ladies loos with me and ds2 who is still 2. It would not occur to me to send him into the mens on his own for a while yet.
Last sun at a soft play party ds1 and his little friend both went to the loo in the 'boys' together but I looked in first then stood outside till they finished.

They asked what the urinal was for...

piscesmoon · 21/02/2009 16:56

Aged 6/7. I really don't think that you can take an 8/9 yr old into the ladies-mine would have absolutely refused at that age anyway.

Morloth · 21/02/2009 17:43

I think 8ish will be the time for us. DS is 4.5 and I have just started letting him use a cubicle on his own (but he isn't allowed to lock the door).

Depends on the kid, the location etc etc.

piscesmoon · 21/02/2009 18:07

I think that all these 8 yr olds must go to the loo at different times to me because I never see them in the ladies.

Smee · 21/02/2009 18:57

I know I don't see them in the toilets either, but it wouldn't bother me if I did. Why piscesmoon, I genuinely don't see what the problem is with it.

piscesmoon · 21/02/2009 19:21

It wouldn't bother me, but I think it might bother some people and you have to be a bit sensitive to it.
It is very difficult but I just don't know how people get an 8 yr old into the ladies-mine insisted on the gents. I had an arrangement where they were to yell loudly if they had a problem. I think you are safe in any well used place like a service station and if it is very quiet no one would know.

nooka · 21/02/2009 20:02

ds was sevenish I think, and it was at his instigation. I think there gets to be a point when they really don't want to go in the ladies, and you trust them enough not to mess about. If I knew a loo was really dodgy I wouldn't go there at all.

The only time dh or I have noticed dodgy things going on in a loo was at a pub where people were indulging in illicit activities in both the male and female loos. On the whole cottaging loos are quite well known, so easy to avoid I guess (so long as you are in a familiar area of course).

Flip

1 2