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Parenting

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Original poster

What do you think is the most appropriate age (of your dc) to have the ole 'birds and bees' talk?

50 replies

plonker · 13/02/2009 20:59

When is the ideal age/most appropriate age to discuss the 'birds and the bees' with your dc?

If you have already discussed it with your dc - how old where they? Was it the right age or do you think you should have discussed it sooner or maybe left it a bit longer?

Dh and I can't decide whether or not to broach the subject with our dd1. Well, thats not strictly true, I think we should and he thinks she's far too young (didn't want to post on AIBU - 'tis a scary place, lol). I was wondering what others thought?

I have no idea how to broach the subject with her, but hey, thats another post

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hotpasty · 13/02/2009 21:06

How old is she?

onepieceofbrusselssprout · 13/02/2009 21:09

I have a 5 year old and personally I don't think you should every have a specific big talk. I have answered questions as and when they are asked. (so far she knows where babies are pushed out from, and that it is a different place to where wee comes from etc). She knows more about bf than some adults I know. She also knows a fair bit about pregnancy but hasn't yet enquired how the baby actually gets in.

Original poster

plonker · 13/02/2009 21:09

Really wanted to see what age people thought was appropriate before I said how old she is hotpasty. Don't want to shape responses

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onepieceofbrusselssprout · 13/02/2009 21:11

Also I would add that if she gets older and still hasn't asked questions, I'm thinking by about age 8/9 at the latest, then I would probably give her more information. Especially about periods, development etc.

Original poster

plonker · 13/02/2009 21:11

I'm really meaning the 'how babies get it' type of talk ...

She has a 19 month old sister and we pretty much covered the 'how babies get out' then

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LadyGlencoraPalliser · 13/02/2009 21:12

Mine have known basic anatomy, periods, childbirth etc from four or five. Actual sex, probably about seven. But more from discussing stuff as and when it comes up rather than having a 'talk'. My mother sat me down for 'the talk' when I was 12 and it was not only gutwrenchingly embarrassing but I had already picked up most of the salient details from the babysitter's copies of Woman's Own.

Original poster

plonker · 13/02/2009 21:12

She hasn't asked questions, so there's been no 'leading' to it, iykwim.

This is part of the reason that I think we should talk about it ...and part of the reason that dh thinks she shouldn't!

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solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 13/02/2009 21:12

When she asks, I would say. My DS is 4 and we have recently had a conversation about testicles and the fact that only boys and men have them...

Original poster

plonker · 13/02/2009 21:14

I agree LadyG - I had the sit down talk and was it was awwwwwwwwwful. Don't want to do the same to dd!! I want to bring it up conversationally, not "come sit down dahling, we need to have a little chat"

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Original poster

plonker · 13/02/2009 21:15

But if they don't ask SGB - how old would you let them get before bringing it up yourself?

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AMumInScotland · 13/02/2009 21:16

I think if they haven't asked by about 7 or 8 how the baby gets in, I'd probably take the initiative and explain it. Though they may well have been told by a friend by then anyway! I also think they need a fair idea about puberty before they or any of their friends are likely to be hitting it, so by about 9 or 10 definitely for that stuff.

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 13/02/2009 21:17

Exactly, Plonker. I am not sure who was better off, me or my brothers who apparently got no info at all, and as we grew up in catholic Ireland, there was no school sex ed either.

scifinerd · 13/02/2009 21:17

I have also been drip feeding information as it is asked and have told dd (7) about periods, childbirth etc but have not yet tackled the great sperm saga and where it comes from and how it gets inside you. I actualy want to just sit down and tell her as she keeps asking and the only reason I haven't is I am worried she will tell her friends at school and then I will get calls from lots of irate parents who do not want their childrento know about sex yet.

So while I personally do not mind my dd knowing I feel I have to tread carefully as little girls tend to chatter lots in the playground. So I am also interested in your responses.

TheCrackFox · 13/02/2009 21:18

I told DS1 when he was 6. He asked me so I told him. He didn't seem phased by it at all. I think the trick is to take your lead from them.

Jux · 13/02/2009 21:18

I just answered questions as they came. This very morning dd (9) finally said, "so how exactly does the man get the seed inside the woman?" Breakfast will never seem the same again!

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 13/02/2009 21:19

Can I just say - I have helped out a lot in school and quite frequently overheard playground talk from Year Three upward about 'sexing' people - I would want my children to know the facts before getting thoroughly confused by this sort of stuff.

Sidge · 13/02/2009 21:19

I think it should be done on an "as requested" basis, usually from the age of about 4. And doing it all in one great long birds and bees sesh isn't a good idea as they won't take it in!

IME from about 3-4 - how men and women are different, women can grow babies, where you wee from, why women have boobs etc.

From about 6 - a little more detail about anatomy, how babies grow (very basic)

From about 8 - this is IME when they get more interested in the biology and body parts. Tell them factually and honestly. There are some great books around.

From about 10 - a little about sex, relationships, maybe homosexuality (if they ask), contraception.

So much depends on the child, their family, their sensitivity and intellect. But if they aren't asking any questions by about 6 I would gently introduce very basic anatomy and feelings via a good book.

Cornflakemum · 13/02/2009 21:20

We had a bit of a chat woth DS1 recently (9) as he knew some of the basics, but was muddling some aspects up, and I wanted to make sure he had the right facts.

I already had an Usborne books which helped with some of the technical details. It wasn't too cringe-worthy .

the only concern I have is that it was all rather the 'practicalities' we talked about, rather than the emotional stuff. It just didn't seem relevant to discuss that at the time, but when I see the news stories of 13 year old fathers I wonder if I need to talk about that soon too?!

scifinerd · 13/02/2009 21:21

Can any of you recommend any good books?

Nighbynight · 13/02/2009 21:22

is this thread prompted by teh 13 year old dad one?

Must admit, on reading that article I thought blimey, better have that talk quickly with my children. I havent had it with any of mine yet, dd1 learned from her friends in teh playground, and from school sex ed lessons. I dont think the dss know yet.

My parents never talked to me, I learned it from my school biology book!

cheltenhamgal · 13/02/2009 21:23

I always said that when my dd asked I would be truthful. She has always known how she was born as I had a c-section then one day she asked when she was nearly 8 how babies were made. I told her quite simply about it ie love, relationship, male part and female part( she already knew the names of these from nursery) and she just went ewwwwwwwwwwwwww and no more was said lol although funnily enough she is 9 now and always knocks before she comes into my room I wanted her to hear from me as her school friend had an older sister and was already saying stuff.

cory · 13/02/2009 21:23

As far as I'm concerned, it's not One bees and birds talk, but a succession. Periods probably covered by age 4, the rest has come gradually.

Original poster

plonker · 13/02/2009 21:25

Book recommendations would be good

We have discussed things as and when they have arose. We had lots of discussion on childbirth etc when dd3 was born and discussion on periods when the dog is on heat. I've always been truthful with her, but never elaborated. I think I need to elaborate now.

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MrsMattie · 13/02/2009 21:25

Hmmm. I think it's an ongoing discussion to have with your DC, and it should start when they start asking questions. I have a 4 yr old and a baby, though, so what do I know?

My Ds (4) hasn't asked about how babies are made, but he does know the correct anatomical names for male and female private parts, and that they are 'private' - simply because he asked a lot about that at one point and I answered him honestly. Hoping to continue in that vein...

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 13/02/2009 21:26

My funniest sex ed moment was when DD2 (she was seven at the time) asked me: "You know that thing you and Daddy do when you want to make a baby? Well the next time you do it will you tell me so I can come in and watch?"

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