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Original poster

If a friend offers to babysit...........

79 replies

SalBySea · 12/02/2009 14:06

....do you pay them?

I dont mean a regular arrangement, I mean if a friend offers to babysit occasionally so that you and DP can go to the cinema etc.

Is it an offer of a favour or do you pay?

What if you never babysat their kids? (have no prior experience with kids so never took care of my friend's babies)

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bigTillyMint · 12/02/2009 19:18

Sal, I don't drink on my own either, I don't drink that much anyway (think I had my lifetimes share when I was younger)but I don't have a problem with other people having a glass if they feel like it.

I find it odd that you feel you couldn't trust a friend to drink responsibly (or not at all if they didn't wasnt to) if you offfered them to help themself whilst babysitting.

You could hide all your alcohol (if you have any in the house) and just leave hot / soft drinks out if you couldn't trust your friend.

Original poster
SalBySea · 12/02/2009 19:25

Its not that I dont trust my friends, I do, which is why I'd be shocked if I came home to find them drinking whilst babysitting.

I asked about paying friends who babysit, payment in wine (to drink whilst babysitting) was suggested and that is not an option for me as I dont agree with drinking whilst caring for a child, I wouldnt do it myself. It'll have to be money, gifs, return favours, snacks/food/takeaway, & on demand I'm afraid, those are the only options available to babysitters in my house, anyone who huffs at not getting to drink alcohol too would not be babysitting material IMO

OP posts:
oranges · 12/02/2009 19:28

On the flip side, if I was babysitting for a really close friend and knew she didn't like the idea of someone drinking while in charge of her child, i'd be fine with it - the same as not eating meat in a vegetarian's house.

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AnyFuckerForAShiteSoppyCard · 12/02/2009 19:37

< koff >

I am sat here enjoying a glass of red wine in sole of children

shock ! horror !

Blondeshavemorefun · 12/02/2009 19:57

any fucker -

always nice to have a glass of wine in evening

Smithagain · 12/02/2009 20:05

In answer to the original question - I would expect to pay a teenager/student babysitter, if I used them.

I would not expect to pay a friend of a similar age to me, who has her own children. But I would expect to be willing to reciprocate. If I wasn't able to reciprocate ( like when DD2 was very small and wouldn't settle with anyone but me), I would make sure I repaid them in favours of some other sort and kept things reasonable even.

In practice, I am in a babysitting circle with four other neighbouring families and we pay each other in vouchers, each of which counts for up to three hours. And the DDs have two Godmothers, both of whom are very willing to babysit for free. And they get nice Christmas presents in return!

Smithagain · 12/02/2009 20:07

Oh ... and we rarely have a bottle of wine on the go, because DH is teetotal and I can't finish a bottle alone. So it's never occured to me to offer any to a babysitter. Nor has anyone else ever offered me wine when babysitting.

So although I don't think a glass would hurt, I also don't think wine is the norm it appears to be among the good people of mumsnet

Lulumama · 12/02/2009 20:13

ok, maybe social drinking was the wrong phrase

but what i wanted to convey, and clearly failed to convey, was that a normal adult who does not have issues with alcohol can drink one or two glasses of wine/beer or a gin and tonic whilst in charge of a child without it being the end of the world.

i would not drink to the point of being incapacitated or unable to drive in the event of an emergecny. but if i want a glass of wine when watching tv whilst a child, be it mine or my friends is in bed, then i don;t see the harm

a drink does not equal being drunk or unable to look after a child

naomi83 · 12/02/2009 20:15

we live abroad in an area with lots of young families, and children of 15 and upwards are like gold dust. We have an agreement with several neighbours/friends that we all on occasion babysit for each other, obviously with no couple allowed to abuse the system and over use it. we don't pay each other but know we have babysitters when we need for an hour or two, although when it's longer-a wedding etc, we give a box of chocies/flowers. Also babysitting older kids is great experience, and in my opinion a lot more chilled that with a baby.

sunshine75 · 12/02/2009 20:18

I have baby sat for a friend and haven't expected anything ..... but she always gets some flowers/wine etc

pinkspottywellies · 12/02/2009 20:25

Just skimmed through and was about to suggest you say 'I don't know how these things work - you're the expert, do I offer to pay you?' when I saw you'd had that idea!

I offered to babysit for a friend whose dd (18m at the time) I knew well before I had dd. I was just delighted to help out a friend so they could have a night out. It's just spending the evening on someone else's sofa instead of my own. They got me some chocolate.

Now I have dd another friend and I will babysit for each other's children and usually chocolate and trashy magazines will change hands

circlesquare · 12/02/2009 20:53

I like the idea of storing up favours, to be honest. I think it's a good exercise in appreciating your friends and treating them well. DD was born a good three years before any of my friends even started having babies, but many of them happily came to babysit. On the other hand, they knew they could always borrow stuff, ask us to help them move, that kind of thing. Now that they've got small babies of their own, I love being able to go and babysit for them, too - now they really understand just how ridiculously grateful we were at the time!

ChampagneAndStrawberries · 12/02/2009 21:07

I'd hope a friend would make it clear when offering whether they were thinking in terms of money or not. If I were really unsure I'd probably just ask, and if it's not a money-changing-hands situation I'd make them a nice gift in kind, or offer another favour in return (might not be reciprocal babysitting -- perhaps there's something you make or a skill you have).

I don't get the point about reaction times. The slowing of reaction times when you've had even a couple of units is an issue when driving, because you need to respond instantly to (say) someone breaking in front of you. A difference of a fraction of a second can easily be vital. I am struggling to think of rational examples where a difference in reaction times of a fraction of a second could make any difference to a babysitter sitting in the living room while a child sleeps upstairs. Whether or not the babysitter was watching a particularly gripping TV programme would have more impact on reaction times.

Just to clarify, I wouldn't drink wine while babysitting someone else's children. I do drink wine while at home and my own are in bed. I would not expect a paid babysitter to drink at all. I wouldn't have a problem with a friend doing me a favour babysitting drinking a glass of wine. And if you don't want anyone babysitting your children to drink at all then that is absolutely your prerogative and a perfectly reasonable position to take (even though it's not one I take myself). I just don't see where the reaction times come into it.

toddlerama · 12/02/2009 22:30

I might have a glass when mine are in bed, but I wouldn't be at all offended or even think it unusual for someone to ask me not to drink whilst looking after their kids. If it makes them more comfortable about leaving their kids, why not just not drink?

TheYearOfTheCat · 12/02/2009 22:46

An elderly neighbour of ours helps us out occasionally - we always pop round with homemade biscuits, a bottle of wine etc; but not in a direct payment sort of way, more a way of calling in regularly so she doesn't feel we only bother with her when her services are needed IYSWIM.

Olihan · 12/02/2009 23:02

Sal, am I right in thinking that you don't actually have any dcs yet - you are pg with your first and due imminently?

MollieO · 12/02/2009 23:20

Based on Sal's criteria I'd never be able to drink again! Am always on my own at home with my ds and I'm not teetotal

ChampagneAndStrawberries · 13/02/2009 00:21

This is just an example of different people having different priorities, I think. Sal would never consider letting anyone have a glass of wine while babysitting her baby, but is already thinking about the practicalities of her friend babysitting her April 2009 baby. I'm happy for someone to have a glass of wine while babysitting my DCs, but have not yet considered letting anyone other than MIL babysit my April 2008 baby. Neither of us is wrong. We just have different priorities and different personal boundaries. (And I'm aware that not letting anyone other than MIL babysit DD is probably irrational. It's not as if a friend would be likely to break her. In fact, I should probably give myself a talking-to over that one...).

patspeed · 13/02/2009 00:53

Ahh the child isn't born yet..........

good luck and see you in the barrrrrrrrrrrrr by June at the latest

aitchb · 13/02/2009 11:18

Yep- as i sit here nursing my hangover, -get a life! No-one wants to put kids in danger, but come on- we all deserve a break now and again! The situation depends on the kids, their age and the person babysitting. -And given our obsession with weight, why is it better to offer choc and not wine? Maybe we should leave our teenage babysitter a bowl of fruit and banish her mobile too?!

Milkmade · 13/02/2009 11:45

TBH honest, I were your friend I think I'd find it a little odd if she babysat your wee one and you didn't ever return the favour with hers. I know you say you don't know what to do, and I know when you don't have experiance it can seem daunting, but just tell her that too and ask - as others have said it's actually pretty easy story, bath, some food treat their parents don't usually give them and bed.

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/02/2009 14:24

part of me agrees with sal, that you should be able to manage to not have a drink for one evening (if bs)

but

other part says, if the parents trust you with their child/ren, then they should be able to trust me to know that i can manage to drink one glass of wine and then have soft drinks, and be capable of driving etc

Gasman - no I never drink alone, ever. Nor would I go to work or drive after 2 glasses of wine so no, I wouldnt have 2 glasses of wine in charge of a child

sal - are you are saying you will never drink once you have your child?

or is the 2 glass rule,so one is ok, but 2 isnt?

potatofactory · 13/02/2009 15:19

How much should a teenager be for babysitting? £5 an hour?

potatofactory · 13/02/2009 15:20

by the way... have been trying to get a straight answer on this one

WouldYouCouldYouWithAGoat · 13/02/2009 15:24

god babysitting is tedious enough without being forced to abstain. i still remember turning up to babysit my friends child and she says to me brightly 'notice anything different?' too right there was no tv and i hadn't had time to bring a book or eat or anything i had the dullest few hours of my life.