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Parenting

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Original poster

If a friend offers to babysit...........

79 replies

SalBySea · 12/02/2009 14:06

....do you pay them?

I dont mean a regular arrangement, I mean if a friend offers to babysit occasionally so that you and DP can go to the cinema etc.

Is it an offer of a favour or do you pay?

What if you never babysat their kids? (have no prior experience with kids so never took care of my friend's babies)

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MascaraOHara · 12/02/2009 15:05

I don't think it's shocking at all. they're not driving home. I'd polish off a bottle of wine with them if they came round to visit me instead of babysit

bigTillyMint · 12/02/2009 15:08

IME we always say help yourself to tea/coffee/wine/beer and sitters only have one, if anything.

But perhaps our friends are old and boring trustworthy and have their own kids, so know what's acceptable?

Why couldn't you babysit a 2yearold and a 6yearold in return, anyway? It's not rocket science - you just read them a story and settle them down to sleep.

boredveryverybored · 12/02/2009 15:09

Sorry am lol at the not drinking thing. Do people really not drink in the evening if their child is at home?
Sal I don't drive, don't have a car or a license, so even stone cold sober I wouldn't be able to drive anywhere Thats what taxi's are for, and in emergencies, ambulances surely.
I think as long as you're not roaring drunk, there's no harm in a few glasses or a few cans whatever floats your boat.
Anytime I've sat for friends there has been a wineglass already out on the side and wine in the fridge (they know me well ) And I do exactly the same.
I actually think in my group of frineds, if there wasn't any wine about for sitter, would be seen as inhospitable!

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Original poster

SalBySea · 12/02/2009 15:14

boredveryverybored I didnt mean that sitters had to be able to drive, I meant that if you have drunk more than the amt that would legally allow you to be in charge of a vehicle, then that is definitely too much to be left alone with a small child.

I am talking about limits past which your responses are effected, that definitely includes a bottle of wine. I would call the police on anyone who got behind the wheel of a car after a bottle of wine and by the same token I would not leave my baby with them either

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insertwittynicknameHERE · 12/02/2009 15:15

I would offer them payment. But TBH if a friend of mine offered I would just get them some yummy food in and a bottle of wine/ 4 pack of beer depending on which friend was sitting for us.

When I am not pg and I babysit for friends or family (of any age DC) they always have wine out for me and leave me money for a takeaway. I am pg ATM so wouldn't be drinking anyway, but when I am not pg yes I will have drink when babysitting or when at home with DD. It's not like I get roaring drunk or anything.

UniS · 12/02/2009 15:17

I assure my friend who baby sits occasionally that she is welcome to eat her own weight in biscuits and anything else she fancies( shes a closet cereal fan) . She says same to me when I return the favor but we don;t keep count or do tit for tat. Odd bars of choc are sometimes exchanged or cakes.

If unsure, ask which they prefer. very few women will turn down choc and if she is expecting cash you then know where you stand and can budget it into teh evenings plans.

insertwittynicknameHERE · 12/02/2009 15:17

Sorry that should read wouldn't offer.

ZoeC · 12/02/2009 15:18

Our neighbour babysits for us sometimes and we leave her a bottle of red usually, she will have a glass or two while sitting then take the rest home with her.

We both routinely drink at home as well though, not a great amount and we are never anywhere near drunk I would add.

Original poster

SalBySea · 12/02/2009 15:18

Well its not something I would ever do myself and I would be furious if a babysitter had found our booze cupboard and cracked one open whilst left with our baby. So the leaving a bottle of wine thing is not an option for us. I guess money for takeaway and on demand, or offers of payment is the best I can do

Although it is more likely that the friend in mind would babysit at her place as she has 2dcs of her own.

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boredveryverybored · 12/02/2009 15:20

Sorry Sal misunderstood
I still don't get it though. I suppose it's horses for courses, but it would never occur to me not to let a sitter drink a few glasses of wine whilst in charge of DD. I do it, am single parent so in sole charge of DD all the time. And most weekends I'll have a drink of an evening, can't have one rule for me and another for everyone else can I
I think if you have a friend sitting, it's someone you trust anyway. I trust all of my friends who sit for me to be able to have a drink without getting completly inebriated. And i think they'd look at me with sheer disbelief if I tried to impose a no wine rule on them while sitting for me
Just different standards for different people I suppose.

gasman · 12/02/2009 17:42

Sal, Are you saying that you never ever have a drink when you are in charge of your child(ren)? If so I am very impressed.

I regularly babysit for friends. I would be mortally offended if they offered me money. One friend has occasionally bought me chocolates but I think even that is unnecessary as I enjoy doing it as I get to spend quality time with the kids.

I do expect however to be able to have a drink, if I want to, I am an adult after all and can be trusted to regulate my alcohol intake (wouldn't have more than 2 glasses of wine).

TBH if we were all in together (ie if instead of going out my friends stayed at home) we would probably drink far more....

AliceTheCamelisnotapig · 12/02/2009 17:47

I would never offer to pay a friend. Actually I was a bit pissed off when one friend insisted on paying me to babysit.

Original poster

SalBySea · 12/02/2009 18:00

argh so do I offer to pay or not, some replies say offer and others say they'd be offended if it was offered so now I dont know what to do

Gasman - no I never drink alone, ever. Nor would I go to work or drive after 2 glasses of wine so no, I wouldnt have 2 glasses of wine in charge of a child

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Original poster

SalBySea · 12/02/2009 18:01

TBH (after getting angry) I would be rather concerned about any friend who couldnt go a few hours on a wednesday evening without drinkin, and drinking alone at that!

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motherlovebone · 12/02/2009 18:14

does the friend have a well paid job or could they use the dosh? if the former, flowers or wine seem favourite, the latter, a thankyou card with some money seems appropriate

Lulumama · 12/02/2009 18:14

you have a really hard line on social drinking !

as i posted beofore, i have been more incapacitated due to illness/ back pain than alcohol. but you have to get on with it, i was probaly more a danger to my children when not able to move properly than after a glass of wine

having a glass of wine/beer does not render you incapable of looking after a child

especially one who is in bed asleep!@

nickschick · 12/02/2009 18:24

sal i often babysit for my friends more often than not its when their babies are new partly bcos i love a new baby and partly because as a nursery nurse they feel confident leaving me with them the first time .....I never expect to be paid although one of my friends was forever buying me gifts flowers and stuff.

Generally I say if we are going to start paying each other then I cant ask for favours back so whilst I get a quiet night with a newbie when my oven broke I had use of several others,when I need a lift theres always someone to help etc etc - its just the way I like it.

nickschick · 12/02/2009 18:26

A friend asked me to babysit his dc and then throughout the summer frequently took all my 3 kids to the cinema and treated them to popcorn etc etc I think it would have been cheaper to have hired mary poppins lol.

ThumbLoveWitch · 12/02/2009 18:28

I have a friend who babysits - she originally offered to do it "any time", and I ask her when I need her - but rather than create any sort of obligation, we have a barter system. I don't pay her but when she has a treatment from me, she only pays half price. She says she wouldn't take money for it anyway but I feel better about it - less like I am imposing on her.

gasman · 12/02/2009 18:29

I was wondering how long it would be before the "drinking alone" bit came out.

The issue for me here wouldn't be the need to physically have a drink. I actually drink very little and regularly go for weeks without alcohol.

What I would object to would be the fact that someone trusted me enough to accept my offer of babysitting but on the other had didn't trust me enough to allow me to regulate my own behviour. TBH this would probably be a dealbreaker and I wouldn't babysit. My rationale would be that if they didn't trust me to behave how could I be sure that if there were a problem they would trust my judgement.

(I have one friend I don't babysit for. Her husband bollocked me last year for giving their toddler applejuice to drink on a hot summers day when the only other non alcoholic drink available was 'fat' coke. He has never explained what I was meant to provide his hot thirsty child to drink and I no longer allow myself to be put in a postion where I have any responsiblity for looking after his kids. )

To go back to the original topic, I personally don't have a problem with someone sitting in front of the television and drinking a glass of wine on their OWN when children are in bed.

Obviously our attitudes to alcohol are irreconcilably far apart.

stroppyknickers · 12/02/2009 18:32

my friend offered to sit, so I paid her, left a bottle of wine saying "if you want a glass of wine, feel free" and some nice biscuits. Wouldn't expect her to get drunk, obv, but there is a difference between a glass and a bottle. I also left some cr*p magazines for her to read. Was pathetically grateful to get out!

gasman · 12/02/2009 18:34

Sal with regards to payment it probably depends a lot on your friends circumstances.

If she struggles financially then maybe an offer to pay, or at least pay for some takeway or a rental film would be appreciated. If it were to become a more regular thing then maybe a voucher for her favourite shop occasionally would be a nice "we really appreciate it" gesture.

In my own case I have no money worries and tend to have more disposable income than many of my friends struggling with small children, and childcare costs so I find them offering to pay me a bit daft. Equally, however, I would eat the food in their house, use their broadband and perhpas more importantly use them as an address for amazon deliveries etc (SAHMs definitely have their uses!)

Hope this is reasonably helpful.

Original poster

SalBySea · 12/02/2009 19:10

"you have a really hard line on social drinking !"

lol, and what exactly is "social" about drinking alone whilst a child sleeps? (unless you babysit in a group I suppose )

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looseleaf · 12/02/2009 19:13

We used to regularly look after friends' baby and wouldn't have liked to be offered payment as in this particular case not needing any sort of reinforced how close we felt as friends if you see what I mean? They always left us supper and nice wine to drink while we were there (sorry SalbySea! but we'd have had a glass each if that!!)

Having said that, we now have a child too and a best friend has recently offered to pay me to take her daughter now and again and i'm happy with that too - I guess because in this instance she knew I was looking for work that fits with DD and that she wouldn't be able to reciprocate (works PT and is pregnant) and when she asked she stressed it was because she'd otherwise feel she was taking advantage!

Original poster

SalBySea · 12/02/2009 19:16

re payment, suppose really I should just own up to my ignroance and ask her how these things work, she's been a parent for a lot longer than me! she'll prob even be flattered that I consider her the expert!

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