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Parenting

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Original poster

Any Recommendations ??????????

27 replies

Melscorp · 08/02/2009 16:41

Dear All,

Sorry if this has been dealt with before, but I was wondering if you could suggest some books for dealing with bilingual children. My daughter recently turned two and although my native tongue is English, my husband's isn't and I would love my daughter to learn his language. In fact I started teaching her some words from BYKI, but due to circumstances had to put it on hold.

I would really would appreciate it.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

moondog · 08/02/2009 16:43

You don't need a book (althoguh it is interesting to read about).Just ensure that he always speaks his language to her and any other speakers of it do to. Simple as that.

What is BYKI and why have you put it on hold?

Original poster

Melscorp · 09/02/2009 01:19

BYKI is a free software. It stands for "Before You Know". It is free and has the basics. I had to put it on hold as I recently had an operation and am not as regimental as I was before the operation. Thanks for asking.

OP posts:

annasmami · 09/02/2009 09:18

Agree with Moondog. If you and your husband both speak to your daughter in your respective native mother tongue languages, she will learn both languages easily and naturally. Depending on how much time your husband is able to spend with your daughter, you may want to supplement his language with dvds, books, etc.

In other words, make sure she gets enough exposure to both languages!

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cory · 11/02/2009 10:48

Plenty of exposure is all it takes.

BonsoirAnna · 11/02/2009 10:50

Plenty of exposure and the desire on the part of the children to speak the other language(s), which is dependent on them wanting to form relationships with people who speak the other language.

ManIFeelLikeAWoman · 11/02/2009 12:42

Anna is right, but the initial people your children will "want to form relationships with" are surely YOU (and other members of the family)! In other words, if you establish yourselves in the children's eyes as native speakers and make the use of that language part of your everyday conversation, then that box will tick itself, as it were.

Original poster

Melscorp · 11/02/2009 15:13

The thing is my husband's family live in Romania, so the only Romanian my daughter really comes into contact with is him. He has a few Romanian friends, but they are too busy to visit. Luckily his Mum is here until next week, but after that...... I am trying to encourage my husband to ring his brother more often (via yahoo) so that my daughter can interact with her relatives.

One of my regrets in life is that I didn't learn another language/languages. I just hope my daughter will be interested to learn, but I don't want to force her. That is why I think it is best if she is exposed at a young.

OP posts:

BonsoirAnna · 11/02/2009 15:22

Can your daughter spend some holidays in Romania with her grandmother on her own?

claricebean · 11/02/2009 15:32

What language does your DH speak to your DD in at the moment? And what language do you and DH speak to each other in?

BonsoirAnna · 11/02/2009 15:44

There is a Romanian father-French mother family in my building and they have a Romanian nanny for their three children.

Original poster

Melscorp · 12/02/2009 18:44

I could never send my daughter anywhere for any length of time away from me. She has only just turned two and we are very attached to each other. Thanks for the suggestion, but the idea of her being in Romania without me...............It would never happen (at this age, anyway. Maybe when she is older).

My husband speaks English to her and we both speak English to each other (that is the only language I speak).

A Nanny??? I couldn't contemplate one of those at this point in time. In fact, I always said I would look after my daughter. I plan to start her at a nursery soon, possibly one to two half days a week, but purely so that she will be exposed to other children (I keep being told by family members that it will be excellent for her).

OP posts:

VinoEsmeralda · 12/02/2009 18:50

All it takes is exposure to the language. Also maybe ask his family to sent over some videos/DVD's of some popular Romanian kids programs and maybe magazines which your DH can do with her.

annasmami · 12/02/2009 21:03

If both you and your husband speak English to your dd, and she goes to an English speaking nursery..... then I don't see how she can learn Romanian .

If you really want her to learn two languages, she needs LOTS of exposure to BOTH of them. Can your dh not speak to her in Romanian and read Romanian books with her?

claricebean · 13/02/2009 08:45

Completely agree with annasmami. If you want her to speak Romanian, your DH really needs to speak it to her. She has the best resource available (native speaker) and that really is her best chance. Does your DH also want her to speak Romanian? His support and motivation is clearly vital.

starbear · 13/02/2009 08:54

Melscorp get some family to send some books for DH to read. My Mum used to read Spanish comics, books and bible. Of course Spanish far more common so you'll have to enlist help. I can still read children's Spanish books. Don't let any of the family tell her she doesn't speak the language well. It puts a child right off trying. My Gran did this to me and this stopped me speak Spanish. Remind DH that a language it's in the kids DNA it has to be taught.

Louise2004 · 13/02/2009 09:05

Your dh needs to speak to her only in Romanian and you need to speak to her only in English (and she should reply to each of you in your native languages). This requires some discipline from you both but it's the easiest and best way for her to learn both languages.

Our ds is fully bilingual; my dh and I have spoken only our native languages with him since the moment he was born (we speak English to each other). As he grew older, we topped this up with books, DVDs, visits to the grandparents etc.

We have many friends with children born to different nationality parents who don't keep to the "native tongue" rule and their children are not as fully bilingual (or even remotely bilingual) as friends who did keep to this rule. It might seem hard and a hassle but it's definitely worth it in the end.

cory · 13/02/2009 10:24

We didn't keep to the rule, Louise, and our children are fully bilingual. But you are right in many ways: it's about quantity! They won't learn if they don't have lots of exposure, and for most people One-Parent-One-Language is the most natural way of ensuring that.

I did speak a fair bit of English to mine, but then we compensated in all sorts of other ways, to make sure they got enough exposure to my language. I was a SAHM for the first few years and spoke mainly my own language, dh also speaks it at times, we spend our holidays in my country, they have cousins and friends there, I read aloud to them in my language (and in English), we sing lots together, we play games in Swedish, they have DVDs and tapes, dd has penfriends, she goes on a Swedish website.

For us, dh's positive attitude towards my language has been a crucial factor, so there is a lot you can do. Perhaps you can even get him to teach you a few phrases.

Louise2004 · 13/02/2009 10:49

Yes, you're right cory - it's the quantity, positive attitude and the need for a lot of exposure overall. I guess we just found it easier keeping within our guidelines of one language per parent - less confusing for us as well as our ds!

Original poster

Melscorp · 13/02/2009 12:56

I tried to learn Romanian (and have picked up a few more phrases off his Mum), but my husband kills himself with laughter every time I open my mouth. I am the one who has taught my daughter to count in Romanian.

Thanks for the suggestions of the CDs etc.

I keep trying to encourage my husband to teach her his language, but he says he is too lazy!!

On the other hand, he wants her to speak his language as his parents etc don't speak English. His 9 year old niece is learning English at school and his brother and sister-in-law speak limited English.

My husband sometimes finds it tiresome to transalate what his Mother is saying.

OP posts:

Brangelina · 13/02/2009 12:59

Your husband is contradicting himself, how on earth does he think your DD will learn Romanian to communicate with his relatives if he doesn't teach her?

Also very rude to laugh at your attempts at speaking his language. Do you laugh at his accent when he speaks English?

Original poster

Melscorp · 13/02/2009 13:03

No, but wish I could!!!

Although, last time he and his Mum were laughing at me, I made him say a word that began with a "W"!! He has problems pronouncing his "W".

OP posts:

ManIFeelLikeAWoman · 13/02/2009 13:09

Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if your husband doesn't join in, it's not going to happen.

Also don't get the "lazy" comment - he's being asked to speak his native language, not build a tree house! Does he realise there's no "teaching" involved, any more than there is with the two of you currently "teching" English? DVDs, books, etc - very important. But the main source of "learning" will just be listening to your husband speak and then replying to him. how can this be construed as "hard work" by your husband?

Brangelina · 13/02/2009 13:10

Maybe you should!

I do wonder if it's a cultural thing, a have a work colleague who's married to a Romanian and he refused to speak Romanian to their DC. He also used to be disparaging bout her attempts at learning it. Mind you, he is a chauvinist git with a mentality from the same era as Vlad the Impaler so possibly not representative.

Another friend of DP's is living with a Romanian girl who won't speak to her ds in her language. I think in that case it's because Romanians get such a bad press over here that she feels she doesn't want to saddle him with anything that might be contrued as negative (in her opinion).

annasmami · 13/02/2009 13:32

Melscorp, does your husband actually WANT your dd to learn Romanian?

Seriously, I don't understand his comments about being too 'lazy' to speak his own mother tongue !

Yes, raising a bilingual child IS more work than raising a monolingual child. The minority language needs a lot of exposure in the child's life and that requires effort on behalf of the parents. And yes, it is sometimes inconvient and requires sacrifices. But, by doing so, you are giving your child such a (imo) huge benefit! And it doesn't matter what the languages, the fact that a child's brain is learning 2 (or more) languages is good for its overall intellectual capability.

And, without wanting to sound patronising, the biggest benefits are reaped in a child's first 3 years of life.

Louise2004 · 13/02/2009 14:40

I agree with all these comments.

The best chance your dd has to learn Romanian and become bilingual is if your dh makes the effort to speak to her in his native language. If not, all your efforts will take twice as long and may not even have any effect at all. He needs to support you in this and play a more active part.

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