Is me being a stay at home mum my problem or other working mums problem ?

[Karen36]

Hi everyone, I'm new to mum's net and wondered if there are other "stay at home mums" (or whatever title you like) out there who find that "non stay at home mums" look at you with a funny expression when you say that you are not currently out working. As if I either have something stuck in my teeth or am severly lacking something in my life?

I have two friends who say similar things about how 'boring' it must be staying at home (they are nice women, really - just a bit insensitive). I try not to retalliate. I could say something bitchy, but why bother? We all make choices for our own reasons (or maybe it's not a choice for some...).

It is a bit boring at home sometimes (just like work is a bit boring at times). But then, there are days when I am over joyed at being able to spend a Monday afternoon, say, with my gorgeous kids (just like there are days when, as working mum, I was glad to leave them behind and get to the relative sanity of work!)

Has Xenia popped in, yet?

mrsmattie i know you are right, just grates a bit.

when I was a WOHM there were SAHMs who were lovely and others that were total bitches.

when I was a SAHM there were WOHM who were lovely and others that were bitches.

People are nice , people or not but more often they don't really give a shit what you are doing as they are too busy figuring out what they are doing.

( funnily enough as a WOHN there were WOHMs who were lovely and others who were bitches. And as a SAHM I find that there are SAHMs who are lovely and others who are bitches.
Are you seeing a theme here?)

Sometimes you read these threads and think there are two breeds of mothers and never the twain shall meet. But of course, most of us just go through phases don't we? I've recently returned to work aftrer 5 years at home. I haven't suddenly changed heads. I think when you are starting out on a new phase that decision is fresh in your mind and you might overidentify with a particular group (I suspect I did, both when I stopped and when I started work), but it passes.

I stay at home with my two boys and some of the women I meet do say things 'oh I don't know how you can do it' and I answer 'well we just have a lot of fun and it's easier than you think, having fun and running around!!"

anyway, most of my good friends are not judgemental and some work, some are part time, some are lawyers, doctors, teachers, and have brilliant careers. I have to admit that if I would have studied 12 years to be a pedeatrician, I'd go back to work after having kids. I've had a pretty meaningless career and I wasn't attached to it, and I have to admit I'm much happier AT THE MOMENT not to work. I will work again thou, and frankly I don't care what people think if you are happy and confident with your decision.

I'm also new to Mumsnet and I'm a SAHM with DS 4yrs old (started school in Autumn) and DS 18mths old. I love it and wouldn't have it any other way but I've had comments from some mums who can't understand how I can bear to be at home all day with my children (um..not hard, they're my children!). What suits one family, might not be right for another.It's hard work being a SAHM in terms of always being in demand and never having time to do everything and my DH laughs at how excited I get about going out without the kids for the most mundane of things, like a shopping trip (!)but I have to be honest and say that I'm never bored being a SAHM (I have 2 energetic boys and a house to run, when do I get any free time to be bored?!)and I agree with Blueberry Pancake that if you're happy with your own decision, who cares what others think?

No I think I am judged by some but not all WOHMs I have met. I do hate when meeting someone new and they just presume you work. I feel like I have to justify myself for staying at home. I say I couldn't afford the childcare if I was to return to work (which is true) but that isn't the reason I'm at home, I'm a SAHM because I want to be. Actually I think it might be more my issue than theres now I come to think of it.

This just reminds me not to judge or at least comment either way. You could lose a fantastic friend just because your brain so so tired from being a Mum, that you've forgotten how to have a conversation that doesn't revolve around parenthood and you & them! With that in mind do you think Blair is trying to put the boot into Gordon Brown by his Morning Pray meeting with Obama? I'm off now to watch silly J Ross with my DH and hope it doesn't snow!

I work full time so never see any SAHM to pass comment/sneers/jugdment on . I don;t see why I have to justify my choice and I don't expect SAHM to justify theirs.

I'm a SAHM and know lots of other mothers who WOHM part time or full time and we all think it's our choice and no-one else's business.

I have never had anyone make a derogatory comment in real life. Newspaper columnists, however, seem to delight in beating SAHMs with a big stick. But that's their problem, not mine.

I work part-time and am a little bit envious of mums who work full time (because I enjoy my work and always feel only half there) aswell as as being envious of SAHMs - because I adore my son and miss him so much but can't pay the mortgage on our flat on one salary.

Sometimes I feel one way, somedays I feel the other and I frequently feel both at once while at the same time being grateful that I have a beautiful boy and a good but busy job and should have the best of both worlds.

What I'm trying to say is that I doubt anyone is 100% happy with their lot 100% of the time and sometime people react badly to this - especially if they have a bad day. I would never make a derogatory comment to anyone but there are certainly days when I WISH so much I could stay at home and get the housework done and play with my son rather than having to leave the house at 7a and not get back for 12 hours If I bumped into a SAHM friend just then I might have to bite my tongue a bit - meet me at teh end of the day and I'm too pleased to be home to care what anyone else did with their day.

Don't take it personally, enjoy the choices you made and be understanding of their frustrations - and hope that on a day you are pulling your hair out from toddlermadness and meet a WOHM who has spent a day at work, talking to adults and had a cup of coffee in peace, that she will be understanding of yours. We have far more in common than we are different.