DH doesn't like having other kids over to play

[MaryMotherOfCheeses]

He's not comfortable with it. It's ok in manageable amounts but he's getting a bit funny about it.

Personally, I'd have other kids round all the time. I don't mind if we end up staying in more as a result. DH doesn't like it cos it means we have to stay in and he finds it limiting.

DS loves having his friends round to play. And they always play really nicely, never a problem.

We do have an issue with one lad down the street. I don't think his parents ever do anything with him and just palm him off on other families. He's always phoning and asking to come round. He was here for 3 1/2 hours yesterday afternoon and has phoned 3 times today (we've taken to screening our calls). we've had things to do, have been in and out, and I feel sorry for the lad cos his parents never seem to do anything with him. he's a nice kid, and I'm happy to have him here, but DH has started to feel like we're apopting him!

I kind of know what he means on this one, but even with the general Kids-coming-round-to-play, DH isn't entirely comfortable unless it's planned well in advance and if DH has something else to do.

I'm waffling dreadfully, but wonder how other people find it.

I'd love a house full of kids. DS is an only, he's 7, and I'm very happy to have his friends round. DH really isn't taking to it though and I don't want it to become a real problem.

Can't he invite adults his own age over?

dh sounds like he's in danger of becoming a miserable git. Although he might have reason to be irritated by the needy child.

Why do you think dh feels like this? Could you persuade him to focus on how lovely it is for ds to have his friends round?

LOLOLOL, yes, that made me laugh. OK I should have said "DH doesn't like having kids over to play with DS"

Aaaaaaanyway, that's part of the problem. He doesn't really like having people round here full stop. He's just not used to the idea. We've talked about what we did as kids and I was always out on the street playing. He spent his weekends with his grandparents and just didn't do playing out unless it was organised sports clubs. So it's all a bit alien to him.

So how do I get it to balance out?

I don't like having other kids over to play ...

Thanks edam, obviously x posts there.

I'm thinking the childhood thing is key, but really need to sort it out for DS's sake. DS loves having friends round.

Plonker, you mean with you or with your kids?

I hate having other kids over, and I am a misrible git, I know it is good for the kids so I smile sweetluy and tolerate it.

Me

Not overly kean on playdates full stop though, I must admit ...

I don't live in an area whereby other children just pop by, so I don't have that to contend with.

Tell your DH to either get over himself or go out when the kids are round. Grumpy antisocial people don't get the right to destroy the social lives of the people they actually live with.

I'm a miserable git too skramble! I try to avoid it at all costs

I love it. I guess deep down I worry about DS being an only and it's great to see him playing with other kids. Personally I'd have loads of them round here. I want to be the kind of parent where DS feels he can always bring friends home, where those friends feel they can always come here. I'd have them all round to play (LOL, I know I may think differently when he's a teenager but right now I'm thinking, well, at least I can see what's going on when they're under my roof)

I like to send mine to their friends houses or to the caravan outside, roll on the summer whenI can chuck them all outside.

Yes, 'tis different for me, I have 3 dd's and often look after my dn(neice) and dn(nephew) so my house is mayhem enough!!

Sorry, got to go to bed now, and I like it when DS goes to friends' houses, but I prefer it when they come here. Makes the house feel happy.

So what the hell do I do with DH?

Can you send him to his room?

Oh definitely tell DH to get a grip. My mum never let me have people over to play because she was 'embarrassed about the state of the house' because she never bloody cleaned it. I am an only child and really hated not being able to have friends over, if you never invite then in the end they stop inviting you too. Being an only child is great, but it can get lonely if you only ever get to interact with oldies.

HE finds it limiting? What - he feels it's preventing him climbing the Matterhorn or discovering a cure for cancer? What on earth does he mean???

doesn't the house feel happy otherwise mary?

Like Seeker I am pondering the significance of "he finds it limiting". Does he mean, when he comes home and tells the family that he has booked a wonder holiday on a Hawaiian beach for halfterm, you all pipe up with: 'oh no, we can't go, because ds's little mates always come round at halfterm'? Surely not? If he has a constructive suggestion for how to spend a Saturday, surely ds's mates can be asked to come round on a Sunday?

this is a funny thread

Just tell him to get over himself, or go out when visitors are round. He's not the boss of the family and his wishes don't take priority over everyone else's.

In terms of "limiting" - he likes to do stuff at a weekend and would, to be fair, spontaneously suggest just going to a park or going for a walk. Though often it might just be a spontaneous trip to B&Q. And he could do that on his own. But if DS has got a friend round, then we're more stuck in the house. I don't mind that and will get on with something else.

LOL at climbing the Matterhorn! He does need a shed hobby. I'm trying to get him to take on an allotment. he keeps suggesting it and just needs to get on and do it.

DH does have issues with staying in. He's better now than he used to be! When DS was 2 or 3, we'd go to a park in the morning, then let DS sleep at lunchtime, then go out again somewhere in the afternoon. Then the same again on the Sunday! It was non stop and he has calmed down since then. We do lots of days out and going for walks. he's a great dad in a lot of ways, but this thing about other kids coming round bothers me.

He is a bit of a miserable git. He's not hugely sociable, though when I say that to people who know him, they're surprised, cos he comes across as highly sociable, friendly and confident. I think he saves his miserable gitness for me.

Mamas12, don't worry, we do have a content home. We're ok. It's just that you get that extra bit of happiness when DS is having good fun with his friends. I really like it.

I think I've just got to hang on in there and demonstrate that it's a really good thing. The stalker lad down the street isn't helping though!

Perhaps it will get better when DS is making all his own arrangements. I wonder if DH feels it's too much responsibility. Dunno.