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Parenting

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Original poster

DH doesn't like having other kids over to play

48 replies

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 01/02/2009 23:17

He's not comfortable with it. It's ok in manageable amounts but he's getting a bit funny about it.

Personally, I'd have other kids round all the time. I don't mind if we end up staying in more as a result. DH doesn't like it cos it means we have to stay in and he finds it limiting.

DS loves having his friends round to play. And they always play really nicely, never a problem.

We do have an issue with one lad down the street. I don't think his parents ever do anything with him and just palm him off on other families. He's always phoning and asking to come round. He was here for 3 1/2 hours yesterday afternoon and has phoned 3 times today (we've taken to screening our calls). we've had things to do, have been in and out, and I feel sorry for the lad cos his parents never seem to do anything with him. he's a nice kid, and I'm happy to have him here, but DH has started to feel like we're apopting him!

I kind of know what he means on this one, but even with the general Kids-coming-round-to-play, DH isn't entirely comfortable unless it's planned well in advance and if DH has something else to do.

I'm waffling dreadfully, but wonder how other people find it.

I'd love a house full of kids. DS is an only, he's 7, and I'm very happy to have his friends round. DH really isn't taking to it though and I don't want it to become a real problem.

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ZZZen · 02/02/2009 23:04

if he really hates having kids over and it means he goes out to do something else toa avoid beign in the house when they're there, I think I might put on the brakes a bit. Ds is with his friends at school and I think being with his dad is important too IYSWIM

Tortington · 02/02/2009 23:06

i hate kids, i think your dh has a point.

your kids should ALWAYS go to other peoples houses - then you can have loud sex in the kitchen

ZZZen · 02/02/2009 23:07

you're forgetting the boy who is always dropping in though

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Tortington · 02/02/2009 23:08

locked doors!

ZZZen · 02/02/2009 23:09

mary's ds might not stay an only dc long that way

edam · 02/02/2009 23:10

at this thread, especially Custy.

MaryLoverOfSqueezes · 02/02/2009 23:26

DS has a really very good relationship with his dad. They play together a lot, and DH does the whole family time thing very well. That's the problem. It's always family time. Problem from DS's perspective not ours, that is.

Not doing loud sex in the kitchen. Cold hard surfaces in there. Not my thing.

And the lad from down the road will phone half way through.

ZZZen · 02/02/2009 23:28

well I dunno maybe it isn't such a big problem for ds as you are assuming. Maybe he'd be quite happy with lots of family time and just the occasional playdate?

FriarKewcumber · 02/02/2009 23:32

you can go out with other people children though - take them to the park with you.

MaryLoverOfSqueezes · 02/02/2009 23:32

DS frequently asking for friends round. "pleeeeeease mummy" (He's 7 so dramatic skills may be developing)

I guess it's the latest novelty for him (it is a fairly new thing - he changed schools a year ago - that just contributes to me wanting him to have friends)

I quite like the lad down the street.

MaryLoverOfSqueezes · 02/02/2009 23:34

Now, kewcumber, that's the kind of spontaneity that causes this look

wickedwitchofwestlife · 02/02/2009 23:36

what a miserable old trout! tell him if he quietly tolerates it from now on, you'll promise not to leave him on his own with them all for an afternoon

Original poster

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 02/02/2009 23:41

Sorry, forgot I was trialling my Valentine name there....

OP posts:

moondog · 02/02/2009 23:42

Ooh, he';s the right idea.
Who wants someone else's brats about the place, trashing the joint?
Not me.

Original poster

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 02/02/2009 23:54

They do not trash the joint cos I'm am a control freak fantastic parent

OP posts:

Original poster

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 02/02/2009 23:57

I just like it having kids around.

I don't want to introduce a rule of 1 per weekend for a couple of hours. That sounds bad. But in terms of managing both DS's and DH's expectations, that might be the way we have to go?

That does feel bad. What do you think.

OP posts:

flummery · 03/02/2009 03:11

Can't your DH take both boys to the park or to B&Q if the whim takes him? Why does DS having a friend over stop him from wanting to do fairly low key things?

I can understand wanting some quiet time. Perhaps if you think structure would help you could nominate a weekend time - say Sundays after lunch - which are friend free times and be relaxed about the rest of the time.

Sibble · 03/02/2009 03:33

Not terribly spontaneous but we compromise for ds1 who's nearly 9 and is a pain if he doesn't have friends over and dh who is a miserable so and so if they are around all the time. Ds can have friends either Sat or Sun with dh choosing on Sat am whether we are going out or ds can ring round.

I also have kids over most school nights as I love having them around but they have usually long since gone before dh gets home.

Not sure if that helps.

solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 03/02/2009 10:36

Yup, say that one day of the weekend can be friends-time and one day family-time. Though people who want lots and lots of family time do run the risk of raising miserable kids with poor social skills - insular families are generally a bit unhealthy.

Thankyouandgoodnight · 03/02/2009 10:50

I'd offer a half day family only time at the weekend rather than a whole day! For a child, a half day is ages, so your DS will get the best of everything but also balanced more towards lots of lovely play time with his peers. Your DH could call a board meeting and request a whole day if he has something specific in mind one weekend

ZZZen · 03/02/2009 10:55

dh has a right to feel comfortable in his own home too though. If he is being driven totally mad by the presence of other little boys in the house, it might put quite some tension on your relationship after a while. I would try and respect his wishes too to some extent; otherwise things might take a turning you don't want.

I think 1 playdate at your home at the weekend and one where ds goes to someone else's home during the week sounds reasonable to me. Try and ask people if ds could visit them too and get that ball rolling.

ZZZen · 03/02/2009 10:56

I also think it is a good idea to do a lot of your playdates in the time when dh is not there, say straight after school and before he gets home. Isn't that possible?

wheresthehamster · 03/02/2009 11:10

Have the kids over during the week and let family time take priority at the weekend. If you or dh haven't got any firm plans at the weekend then let the friends come over. Can't you just say you can only stay for an hour/2 hours etc? Set boundaries etc. I sort of see where he is coming from. We only ever did family things at the weekend when the dds were small - now having their friends over is our only form of sanity.
Your dh needs some jobs to do to keep him busy - I've got tons if you want to send him over

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