How to get your child to poo in the toilet

[dissy]

My son is 3years 3 months. He wees in the toilet and is occasionally dry through the night. But he will not poo in the toilet. It's not that he refuses to sit on, he just doesn't say anything and poos in his pants. He has never used a potty and he is not scared of sitting on the toilet, We encourage him to tell us when he needs to go, talk about it, let him watch us and we have tried bribery. It just doesn't bother him and we are at a loss at what to do next - please help!

yes no answers but my dd (3 in two weeks) is exactly the same except will only poo in a nappy, she has been potty trained since 2.3yrs and am finding it increasingly frustrating. Have also tried reward charts, promises of presents (stickers!) and chocolate all of which she seems very interested in until she needs a poo and then she couldn't care less. What worries me is that she will hold on untill she has a nappy on (only at night) and can now hold on for several days - she has bowels of steel! Not sure what to do but try not to make too much of a deal out of it - am ever hopeful it is something she will just grow out of!

oh I went through poo he'll and back with DS1. To cut a long story short it has been a tough time for him so that didn't help.

What broke the poo in pants cycle for us was that I stopped making a fuss. I don't know what you say when your son has an accident but I used to waffle on for ages to him. One day he did another poo in his pants and he looked at me strangely as I cleaned and redressed him. I looked him in the eye and sighed "never mind. Try again next time". I think for him it was the LACK of fuss that did it. To get a fuss from mummy would mean achieving next time.

I hope that helps. We are just about to tackle night times. He's 4 next month so seems so old but hopefully might get it.

Good luck.

My DD also poo's in a nappy. She is dry thru the day, but when she has the urge for a number2, we have to whip a nappy on her. Have suggested going on the toilet like she does when she wees, but she does not want to. Same as girliefriend, I dont want to make an issue of it. DD has a bladder of steel, dont want her to start holding her poo aswell !! IYKWIM.

Any tips MN's ?

My daughter is 4 next month. She has been using the toilet for a wee and had bowel control for about 16 months, but will only do a poo wearing a nappy standing up. I haven't particularly pushed this as
I assumed she would grow out of it, however she will be starting school this year and obviously this needs to be sorted.

She will sit on a potty/ toilet for half an hour with no result but as soon as she has put on a nappy and stands up she is fine.

I have tried rewards etc but to no joy.
She says it
"won't come out sitting down".
Should I wait or contact GP/ health visitor?

Thanks.

Hmmm all sounds v familiar. DD 3 yr 3 months will do just as that of brummie2. Even did it standing up on car seat yest. Same thing with idea of treats. Have asked her to sit on potty or toilet with nappy on to poo and she has absolutely none of it.

Friend had daughter that did this that did grow out of it. I am hoping this will happen to us. Extra prob that since she stared nursery after Christmas she wees herself every session, but seems more than happy there. SHe gives little speeches about how she is going to have dry pants and then just does it anyway.

Try giving him soom food to loosen his bowels, like Wheetabix - we accidentally found this worked with DD who a few days ago took to using the potty for wees, but would only poo in pants, with nice firm little jobbies. Since wheetabix kicked in, poo always seems to end up in the potty, and she was priased, and seems keen to put more poos in potty. it could well be that she actually feels a bit grim with a runny tummy feeling, but it has stopped her doing secretive poos as far away from potty as possible, which is what was happening before.

Another vote for ignoring it here. Not literally, obviously. I tried reward charts, changes in diet, demonstrations etc. Then one day, in desperation, I pulled down the reward chart and just tidied her up with as little fuss as possible and made no mention of it. Within a week she had cracked it. Kicked myself for not trying it earlier.

my son is 3 and a half and for months has used the toilet for pee but will not do a poo unless he has a nappy on or accident in his pants. i,ve been making a fuss about this because it is frustrating but now i,m not going to fuss too much !!

My daughter (2 yrs, 8 months) has been dry for a week after refusing to wear nappies but hasn't got the hang of poos yet. Usually they end up in her pants or night time pull-ups. Thanks for all the advice on this thread - I am just going to chill out about it and see what happens!

My son (3.5 years) refuses to do a poo on the loo! He never has an accident and has been using the loo for wees for a year but just waits for his pull ups at night to do his poo. I have tried everything too but he just has a mental block about it. If during the day he needs to do a poo (quite rare) he will ask to sit on the loo but it never comes...... so after a lot of fuss a nappy is put on and hey presto out it comes in 1 second! He has told me he'll do it when he's 4 in August but it is so frustrating. Should I just not mention it again and see what happens?

DD1 is 2.8yrs and has been potty trained for wees since October. However, she also requests a nappy for a poo and claims that when she sits on the loo/potty it won't come out. She did do two or three poos in the potty right at the start, but then stopped. We've tried the rewards etc. but nothing works. She has never pooed in her pants.

So I'll too try ignoring and will check back in here to see if any of your's have cracked yet!

Thank god I'm not the only one going through this frustrating poo business.

My ds (2.5) has been weeing on potty and now toilet for months but when it comes to poo's he will not do one on the toilet. He has only done 2 poo's on potty and 2 poo's on toilet since last August which seemed to be a couple of one-offs.

And now he will go 5 days without doing one so he gets very badly constipated.

Last week my dh had to pull a huge hard poo out of ds' bum with his hands as it got stuck.

He keeps saying he is doing a poo in his pants and because it pops out then goes back in his bum he has a very sore bum too which is probably making the situation worse.

Will def try the Weetabix and make no fuss plan. Feels like a very long road ahead.

Phew...not just my DD (age 2.5 mths) either. She amazingly just took to weeing in a potty or toilet without any 'training' as such (about a month ago), and when we are out asks for the toilet when she wants to go and we have only had one accident so far (when she was distressed about something). But just will NOT poo in a nappy - she comes in shouting I NEED A NAPPY. I have a washable one so just bung this on her, she does a poo straightaway, I take it off and wash it ready for the next time. (She has disposables at night - not dry at night yet at all) Please all you others with this problem let us know when your littlies grow out of it!

I am so glad I read this thread, as I have the same problem with my DS.

He has never sat on a potty or a toilet, he has always stood up to wee. He refuses point blank to poo on the toilet and will hold it in until he has his night-time nappy on. If he wants a pooh before this he will ak for a nappy. I have tried the rewards - you can have chocolate, stickers something from the Man City Shop if he will poo on the toilet. He will tell everyone 'I'm going to poo in the toilet and Mummy will get me some City stuff' but when it comes to him needing a poo, all that goes out of the window.

He has said he will use the toilet when he is 4, so I am counting the days until May when he 'might' use the toilet. I don't make a fuss about it tbh as he really is scared of sitting on the toilet.

Was on a parallel thread to this yesterday, so in brief:
We had same problem with DD1.

HV said it is very common (as you can tell from answers!) and it seems to be a sort of fear of pooing into 'empty space'.
Bribes are ineffective because it is just asking too much of them to go straight from nappy to loo. (This is what I hadnt got my head round- I had a fabulously tacky tiara set waiting for her first poo and still nothing doing, I couldnt understand it..)

She suggested we break it down into small steps and reward those steps. (I think it took about a month)

For us the steps meant pooing in a nappy - but not in the cupboard. Pooing in nappy near the loo. Pooing in nappy on the loo. Getting on the loo trying 3 pushes, then she got a nappy.
Finally 3 pushes and slightly runny tummy and she went. All a bit emotional. Was fine from then on.

Concurrent with all this was 'practise sitting' where you get them to sit bare bum on the loo with no expectation of anything happening - ie no pressure at all. You read them a story, or give them things to do like blowing bubbles or trying to blow up balloons as this leads to pushing action. This is to hopefully get them to be less anxious about the whole loo experience especially if things have got a bit pressured.

When she then started going I bought a bunch of pretty beads and she got one everytime she did a poo and we threaded her a 'poo necklace'.

A year on she is absolutely fine about pooing at home or when we are out.

Good luck - I remember being so fed up about it at the time. Am nervously viewing my DD2 now aged 2 hoping we get away with an easy time...

I forgot to say- girliefriend the withholding poo is also very common and can lead to horrible constipation which makes it painful which leads to withholding pooing which leads to more constipation and suddenly you are in a poo circle of hell watching your child screamingly birth a poo every three days.

We have also been there.

Can I (she continues chirpily) recommend a good wallop of lactulose daily if you get in that situation- doctor will prescribe it.

chocolate...

really

we bribed dd

mishmash - my son is the same. He is 3 and a half and wees on the loo or potty very happily and proudly - occasional accidents but not many. But the poo thing is a nightmare. He will only let go once in his pull up nappy. Won't do it in a nappy near the loo either. After trying many things which resulted in his holding it for three days at a time and not eating he now asks for a nappy when he wants to do one (once a day) and goes away under the table or behind the sofa to do it. Any suggestion of even going near the bathroom send him into tears of panic. Trying to work out if something happened at nursery since he was doing so well and happy to try on the loo until a few weeks ago. Teachers have no idea and he can't explain. I guess he will work it out but is all very frustrating for the poor little guy. And has worried us too.

ds2 was 4 last week and wont sit on the toilet and saves poo for niight nappy. but in the last fortnight he is dry at night after always being wet and the last 2 nights he has gone without a nappy
i can feel a problem coming on...so watching with interest

cathpot =-- am zreassuzre dby all your suggetsions as i have tried all this with ds2
he will very very very occasionally sit on the loo bare ottomed but wont wee sitting down but we cant even get to the stage of poo on the loo with a nappy on.
we do insist he goes in the bathroom with the dorr closed though

lucy88 - ds2 was going to do it when he was 4 - he was 4 last friday - now it is when he is 5

Pop them on the loo/potty and give them a balloon to blow up, honestly it works. As they blow they push down and out it plops

I can definitely recommend the "ignoring" thing. My DS1 cracked it when I wiped him up grim-lipped and silent (so cross I couldn't speak, actually) one time. After that, we were all go.

On the standing up thing, my DS1 used to go upstairs to lean on a trunk at the end of the spare bed for his poos after meals. (Having given birth I understand the need to bear down!) I put the potty next to the coffee table in the living room, with some fascinating toys to look at while he pooed. He could still lean with his elbows on the table, thus bearing down, but with his arse in the right place.

popsycal- it is a (frustratingly) slow process. Your main problem sounds like his general fear of sitting on the loo, I would work on the 'practise sitting' business- it really worked for us, and took all the stress out of the whole business of being around the loo. I didnt realise how fed up and uptight I had got about it until then.

Maybe get something for him to do while he is on the loo that he loves but that he can ONLY have during practise sitting. He goes on, he sits, he has a play, he comes off, toy goes away. There is no talk about pooing etc, absolutely no pressure to do anything, it is just sitting. Once he is completely calm with this you could start working on the pooing again. Hv suggested once a day at a set time when no one is in a rush (hence post bath suggestion) and if they tend to go at a certain time in the day, gradually move sitting time (if its practical) to nearer their normal poo time.