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Parenting

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Original poster

Is this normal or am I a terrible mother?

35 replies

elliederby · 25/01/2009 12:31

Is it normal to be bored and frustrated with a 3 month dd? I try to entertain her but think I will go mad if I have to play 'this little piggy' or sing nursery rhymes one more time. The whole thing just seems unrelenting - change, feed, play, try to get her to sleep - then do it all again!! I knew having a dc would be hard work but was not prepared for this. I was looking forward to doing fun things together but it all just seems like boring hard work with little reward. I do enjoy playing with her when she is in a good mood but find it so hard to know what she wants when she gets cranky. I know I sound like a moany old cow and should be grateful to have a lovely dd but just don't feel it. Does it get better? Is there something wrong with me?

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ForeverOptimistic · 25/01/2009 12:35

You aren't a terrible mother. Babies are lovely and cuddly but they are not exactly exciting! I won't say that it gets easier but it changes, ds is now 4.5 and I play board games with him which we both really enjoy but there will always be parts of parenting which are tedious and boring. The only advice I would give you is to concentrate on the things that you do enjoy and remember that this stage won't last forever so make the most of it!.

HensMum · 25/01/2009 12:35

Well, if you are abnormal then I am too! Lots of parenting is boring and tedious and it is hard when they are cranky and you don't know why.
In my experience (not that it counts for much, only one DC) it does get easier when they get more interactive and you can actually play games instead of just singing the same old nursery rhymes again and again.

You don't have to entertain her 100% of her waking time though. If she's happy lying on the floor playing with her toes, let her. I wish I'd done more of that when DS was younger. I felt like I had to play with him constantly but he'd probably have been just as happy if I'd left him alone a bit.

Coldtits · 25/01/2009 12:36

Perfectly normal to be bored with a small baby, they are boring. Much better when they start crawling and eg. you find them stuck naked in the cat carrier squeaking pathetically for release. Or When they are 2.5 and you say "Where are mummy's contraceptive pills? Mummy's blue things? darling?" ANd they smile vaguely and reply "In my mouf....". Or when they are 3.5 and announce to the sky man "Look at my winky and testitulls!!!!" as the poor bloke tries to put his head in his pocket.

Babies are BORING. Children are fun.

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Thefearlessfreak · 25/01/2009 12:36

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HensMum · 25/01/2009 12:36

Oooh, thought of something else. Are you going to any mums and babies groups, or anything like that? They can be brilliant for keeping babies entertained whilst you have an adult conversation (usually about babies, but still!)

OhYouBadBadKitten · 25/01/2009 12:39

Nothing wrong with you at all - it is boring and hard work when they are so tiny. I found it suddenly got easier at around 6 months when dd could sit up and actually start to play with things. It also got easier when dd went to just one big nap in the day, she was more predictable, I could start to organise my day so I could do stuff.

I think the main way to survive is to meet up with other people - wither at your house or at toddler groups (even with just a baby) or in the library or whatever.

Just hang in there

biskybat · 25/01/2009 12:40

No there is nothing wrong with you I mostly hated motherhood until dd was about 6 months old and could interact more (and stopped crying all the time) It is relentless for the first few months. You are totally normal

However I am having great fun with DD now that she is 16 months old ( and have been since she was about 9 months old), we are just off on a bike ride and I can honestly say that she has changed my life for the better and I can't imagine not having her around. I'm not sure if I would have said the same when she was 3 months old, although I did love her.

piscesmoon · 25/01/2009 12:43

It gets much easier when they are old enough to respond. I found meeting other mothers a life saver.

snowleopard · 25/01/2009 12:44

I used to go out for whole day trips with DS in the buggy - as well as doing errands like food shopping, I would do museums, zoo, clothes shopping, trips to other towns - as long as you're equipped for feeding and changing you can do what you like, and the baby will often sleep a lot in he buggy. I'd time it so when he was asleep I'd roll up at a starbucks and read a magazine with a coffee. Now my DS is 3, he's a lot more interesting but also very demanding and I can't do what I want - he'd hate to be dragged into a clothes shop for example. Use this time to do and see things you've always wanted to.

Also agree that you don't need to sing nursery rhymes non-stop to a 3mo! - get her a baby gym and some nice music CDs and let her lie around and amuse herself.

(There's nothing wrong with you btw!)

tiggerlovestobounce · 25/01/2009 12:45

It is normal, and you arent a terrible mother.
It is unrelenting when they are that age, but it wont be long before it gets a bit better. Its OK to think about yourself sometimes!

cory · 25/01/2009 12:47

I too found going out was the answer. With such a small baby there are quite a few mother-orientated activities you can still do. Don't feel you have to be actively entertaining her all the time.

Litchick · 25/01/2009 13:35

Because I had twins the baby bit was very hard, especially after a difficult preganacy that left me more ill and tired than I was prepared to admit.
ithink if I were to do it again I'd just pop them in a sling and ignore them more iyswim. My friends who are on to their third and fourth children healthily neglect their babies and they seem all the more relaxed for it.

babydan · 25/01/2009 13:41

I find the baby age really hard too. The toddler age is mildly more bearable but still the day is a long and endless routine of feeding/ changing/ singing/ whinging/ tantrums/ planning day around nap/ meals etc etc.

It was pretty hard going for the first 10 months really. Sorry you are finding it so hard. I am certainly a believer that it does get better as they get older. My baby was just boring, wasn't even cuddley!

Habbibu · 25/01/2009 13:45

Agree with getting out a lot - I liked the baby stage, but still went out for most of each day with dd, like snowleopard, and then went to a baby massage group, met really nice people and started just meeting up with them.

Original poster

elliederby · 25/01/2009 17:32

Thanks for all your replys. I don't feel like such a freak anymore! Everyone goes on about how gorgeous and cute she is but they don't have to look after her all day every day. It doesn't really help that her Dad works away mon to fri and I am doing the whole week myself. He has taken some time off just now to help out for a bit which is great. I am going to start going to mothers and toddlers group one day next week and to the library for baby bounce and rhyme. I have also booked a baby massage class starting soon. I try to take her out every day even if just to Tesco but even that becomes really dull. All my friends dcs are older and the mums are all back at work but hopefully if I can go to some baby stuff and meet some other mums to socialise with I won't feel so isolated. Also looking forward to the weather being better and going for longer walks and to the park etc.

OP posts:

JiminyCricket · 25/01/2009 17:35

this time of year is a pain. a good gym place near us offers exercise classes with a creche not expensive and gives some you time. I used to walk miles or look around all the charity shops.

llareggub · 25/01/2009 17:38

Definitely try and get out everyday. I'm sure if you are prepared to travel you can find some sort of baby activity everyday. I found it a lifesaver. It does get better, honest!

nicewarmslippers · 25/01/2009 19:53

i think its not the baby you find boring but life with a baby (and without your old stimulations). In fact babies that age 9I have one at the momment) as you can stuff your face with chocolate in front of them and not have them pester for it, you can sit in a cafe, meet friends, go for walks, do shopping, in fact do pretty much anything. I never spent hours playing with my 1st when she was tiny (and she seems OK) and don't with this one either (though I carry her in a sling alot). Still never have children's tapes in the car for a 3 year iold, she has to listen to radio 4 which is what I like. I don't think it does nay harm. We love them and dote on them but there is no reason why they sholdn't fit in with our lives a bit, we had to when we were young and in most cultures that is the norm. I am not advocating neglect but a 3 month old doesn't need constant toys jabgelled in face etc. As libby perves says in her AMAZING book on how not to be the perfect mother; 'just love them and tote them around with you and they'll be fine'

nickytamoshantertwotimes · 25/01/2009 19:57

I agree - you are totally normal.
The first 6 months are boring. It gets progressively more interesting after that and you get so much back.
I went to ANYTHING I could get to to relieve the boredom - post natal group, the library, out for coffee, visiting anyone who would have me and so on.

rolandbrowning · 25/01/2009 20:06

It is boring hard work with no reward at first - but it gets better. Ds is 7 months now and it's great to get something back from him and watch him develop new skills every day. It seems like forever at first, but it soon passes. Your feelings are normal.

snowleopard · 25/01/2009 20:06

Totally agree with nicewarmslippers - when you think of things to get out and do, they don't all have to be baby-oriented things. You will probably feel less bored and happier if you indulge your own interests a bit. You could arrange lunch with pre-baby friends for example. Baby cinema is also great - search for cinemas near you on the web and see what's on. They show normal adult films but it's during the day and you can take a baby - I loved it.

snowleopard · 25/01/2009 20:06

loler · 25/01/2009 20:14

Don't think you are a freak but having read through your responces am thinking I am!

I think it gets worse before it gets better - I have a dreading feeling when I ask ds what shall we do today - oh joy the park again, an hour of pushing a swing (so why have i still got bingo wings?). Even better lets go and sit in an over priced shed while I can sit and watch him throw himself down huge slides into balls.

Company makes everything better - make some friends and you can all bitch and gripe together and then you'll realise everyone feels the same way (and make sure you quickly dump the ones that don't!)

The best thing about a 3 month old is that they need minimal stimulation giving you lots of mn time.

Libralovesbiscuits1975 · 25/01/2009 20:22

elliederby you are not a terrible mother, I found the first 4 months tedious and draining. My LO is 6 months old and I am only now getting into being a mother and enjoying motherhood and him. I want another but the thought of having to do the first 4 months again fills me with dread. As someone suggested do everything you can to get out of the house and eat lots of cake.

Gemzooks · 25/01/2009 20:30

I also found the first months incredibly unrelenting and just very very hard, boring work.

DS is now 2.5 and it does get so much more interesting once they can talk a bit and do stuff.

You just have to wait for them to get more interesting and try to keep sane, in my case I did it through having a strict routine and getting at least a little bit of time to myself..

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