School-run Psychosis: ALWAYS LATE and it's driving me **mental** - please help!!

[FlossieT]

Sorry about all the punctuation....

Why are we always, always, always 5 minutes (sometimes more) late for school?

I have tried:

• putting clothes out, laying breakfast table and getting school bags ready the night before
• insisting children are dressed before they come down for breakfast
• HELPING the children get dressed before they come down for breakfast (as in, literally putting the shirts over their rotten little heads)
• getting up earlier
• starting to try to leave the house earlier

and NOTHING seems to work - invariably, I am a screaming banshee in the hallway and the boys are hopping around aimlessly, shoeless and vacant.

If you have solved this problem - or even found some clever tricks that make it less terrible - I would love it if you would share them as I am going out of my tiny mind trying to address this.

Yours just-about-clinging-to-sanity-by-the-tips-of-my-fingertips...

Full blown hysteria about what cory?

Ds 1 has a globe in his bedroom that he uses to read/look at books but I have said he can't have it on unless it's friday or sat night. He needs his sleep more than he needs to look at books iyswim. He is alseep by 6.30 at the latest now whereas when he went to bed at 7 it was more like 8-8.30.

We get up at 7.

kids breakfast in their pyjamas.

I make their packed lunches while they eat.

The older two dress themselves. Dh or I dress the youngest and DH does all their teeth.

Dh leave half an hour before we need to.

I round them up 10 minutes before I really need to as they never come straight away.

I leave the house 10-15 minutes before I need to.

It is all about facturing contindency time. For instance, we really have to leave at 8.30 to get to school in plenty of time but I aim to get them ready for 8.20 knowing I still have time when if it all goes wrong.

I have different problems with the three of them. The littlest two are very good at waking up, and getting out of bed, dressed (except the littlest who needs me to do it) and breakfasted. Then rubbish (esp the middle one) at the last stage. Eldest if left to own devices would not get out of bed at all. Galling to have to dress him myself when he's nearly 10 but it is miles better than the alternative.

Contingency time is the answer for me. Now I just need to work out how to enforce it.

About having to get up in morning. Some children are very dramatic.

There were other issues for dd, to be fair to her, but I have known other children without her issues who have also been on the dramatic side and picked up a major fuss in the morning for no apparent reason. Of course you can train them out of it by standing no nonsense, but it might take a few years.

Dd, apart from being disabled and having had a rough time at school, is also extremely prone to panic attacks about starting anything, including the new day. I expect a major battle tonight about starting an evening class that she really wants to do. Though thankfully, it will no longer be a physical battle.

A few years ago, I would regularly be manhandling her out of the house. Still got to school on time though Just knocked years off my life.

Yes, contingency time - exactly our concept, thanks for giving me a term for it!

Almost worth keeping a note of what that time gets used for ... (1) internet ordering of rugby mouthguard (2) resolving freakout re cereal having "wormites" in it (3) constipation (4) costume for assembly to be Headmistress ...

add your own!

I have 2 boys (4 and6) who need alot of badgering to get ready in the mornings but to be honest I would rather walk over hot coals than be late.
I can never really understand why someone could be late all the time. I am the complete opposite and am generally early for everything.

When I'm not coming home from night shift I get up at 6.30 and get washed and dressed before getting the boys up at 7am.

They have breakfast and I do packed lunches, I help them get dressed, they do their teeth and stuff and then play until school. I will hang washing out, something like that.

When I'm working I have to pick up where DH has left off which is always a bit more chaotic but we are never late. At the moment we leave for school at 8.35.

We are utterly regimented in getting up. Lunches and clothes sorted night before.

Alarm 6:50.
dh and I get up. dh puts on kettle, feeds cats and tells dd to start waking up. I wash.
dh washes while I make breakfast for us all.
dd and dh come downstairs by 6:15
We eat breakfast. dh is first to finish so he starts dishes. I get lunches out of fridge and put by front door.
dd and I have to be upstairs by 7:40.
dd washes and gets dressed while I tidy up and chivvy.
I plait dds hair while testing her on her spellings or times tables.
8am is dds violin practise. I encourage and help with tricky bits in between shoving guinea pigs into run.
8:15 shoes on, coats on
8:20 out of door.
Only thing that puts us out is unscheduled poo stop!

Last year when my dds started at pre school and reception we were late just about every morning.I was pregnant with dd3 and terribly sick every morning .It's so stressful for everyone when you're rushing and gets the day off on the wrong foot.Last year was very much a learning curve for me and now I have dd3 and the girls are at a different school we have to drive/bus to I HAVE to be organised.

The night before is the most important.All bags are packed after they do their homework and reading.I make the lunches the same time as tea.Whilst they get ready for their bath I lay out all uniform down to underwear shoes and hair bobbles.Last year it was often the little things like looking for shoes or a brush that caused us to be late.
Going to bed at 8pm I really try and enforce so that they don't struggle to get up in the mornings.
I get up around 6-7am with the baby who's 5 months almost.Give her a feed nappy change then get us both dressed.I wake up the girls at 7.30am and help them get dressed as it's just easier than nagging them to do it.They can't have the T.V on until they are both dressed then I give them breakfast whilst doing their hair.

I then put my make up on whilst dd1 has her morning nebuliser(has a tracheostomy).They watch a bit of T.V whilst I put the baby into her car seat or pram.
I make sure they have their coats hats gloves and scarves on by 8.40 am.I keep all this right by the door along with dd1s suction machine and medical stuff.All that's left to do then is put their backpacks on ready laid out with the cute matching brollies I got them for xmas and we're out the house by 8.45 am in time for school at 9.
It sounds like you get most things ready the night before anyway but perhaps a checklist would help for a while with the little things that get forgotten like laying out gloves and umbrellas etc,as hunting for these always makes you late.The only other thing that will help is as everyone suggests getting up that bit earlier.I used to get up at the same time as dds but find it much better now i'm up earlier with the baby.
Just realised this is a bit long sorry.Hope you soon find a good routine that helps!

@squatchette: Last year it was often the little things like looking for shoes or a brush that caused us to be late - I'm recognising this as well. Although the problem is really the middle child, whose shoes are usually not lost - he's just incapable of seeing them when they are right under his nose if he's decided he doesn't want to

We always used to be able to get up and out of the house in 45 minutes flat That was pre-DD1, but she is the easiest and most compliant member of the family so I can't blame her for things getting out of control.

Maybe I should insist that we'll walk to school every day until the problem is solved... they'd love that (not).

Apologies for spamming my own thread... but just needed to share the recent purchase of the ominously-named 'Thunderbell' alarm clock, which I intend to set to ring when we need to leave the house. It's worth a go anyway.

The schedule has to have a bit of give. My children sometimes decide they need a poo when they are already in coats, hats and shoes.....

I think that it is worth knowing realistically the amount of time things take, especially car journeys.

I know that I can get door to door in 7 minutes with no traffic.

But the morning reality is that there is traffic and I need to park a reasonable distance from the school to avoid congestion, so my 7 minutes door to door is much closer to 20 minutes.

The dcs school has now introduced a demerit system for junior pupils who arrive late. this does seem to have had an impact on a number of families who previously preferred to aim to be 5 minutes late as it is a lot easier to park then.

my sister had this problem with her eldest DS ... she didn't bother 1 morning and took him to school in his PJ's ... and he had to get changed in the car when they got to school. It never happened again.. harsh but fair!

My eldest dd takes 10-15 mins every morning just to fiddle with the seam on her socks ("I am getting dressed mum!")- anyone else experience this? I regularly explode, I tell her she should get up 10 mins earlier if she wants to schedule fiddling in.
We get there 1 - 4 minutes late every day (although I hate being late) because I'm really shy and hate standing there with the other mums and no small talk - I consider it a failure to be early or late - ideal world, arrive as the bell rings... - perfect!

am of all the 'wake children at 7am etc' Ds wakes me up 95% of the time at around 6am, though this week it has been 4am, 5.50am and 5am respectively. The 4am start meant we had been up 5 hours before dropping him at pre-school.

I agree with Bink (much earlier) you need to aim to leave the house much earlier: that is the key to never being late.

ds1 started secondary this year. The bus is due at 8.05, but usually comes a bit later. It's 3 mins walk away, less if he runs. He aims to actually leave the house at 7.55, even though 90% of the time he wouldn't miss the bus if he left at 8.05. But this is part of life, planning, and ensuring you are never late.

In order to leave at 7.55 he has to start focusing on leaving at 7.45 - ie doing teeth, putting shoes on, checking he has his dinner money, etc.

Flossie dressing a 10 yr old is, I'm afraid shocking. He needs to start taking responsibility for himself. I would start off by sending him to bed an hour earlier, and setting an alarm clock in his room for an hour earlier than you normally would, and one of those that has a 'sleep/pause' function. When the alarm goes off let it beep for quite a while, then press sleep. Say good morning to him loudly and explain that it is time to get up and get dressed. Then do it again 9 mins later, etc. No drama, no shouting, just calmly. If he gets up properly and is ready in good time for school, then the next day you can set the alarm 10 mins later. Obviously you need to tell him advance that this is what you are doing.

If he co-operates you can gradually return to normal bedtimes and more appropriate getting up times.

My ds1 loves his bed and enjoys a lie-in at weekends or holidays, but he knows that school days are not for messing about.

It's just about saying what you mean once and then sticking to it.

This morning's contingency time was used for: writing of birthday card and wrapping of present (Sylvanians); a housewide search for a mislaid homework notebook & consequent letter to teacher; some festering washing up I should have done last night; and sorting out of laundry to be ironed & leaving of dosh for ironing person. And we still got to school on time!

(Dh starting a medical-ethics discussion on the issue of young and fit people taking Statin to manage their cholestrol did get squashed though - that was one contingency-filler I didn't think needed accommodating.)

I am not a morning person but strangely I find that I function better with the morning rush if I get up earlier than I need to - I can do things at a slower pace then, iyswim.

Sometimes it helps to see what is the thing you are always doing at the last minute and change things around so you do that earlier. For me it's packed lunches - used to make them after breakfast/getting everyone dressed and it was a real rush - now I make sure everyone is down for breakfast by 7.30 at the latest and once I have got everyone eating I start on the packed lunches.

I then get the younger kids clothes ready and they get dressed while I have a shower & get dressed - of course sometimes they are too busy doing something else and still not dressed when I get out of the shower! I tell them to go and brush their teeth around 8.25 and then get shoes/coats on. I aim for them to be ready to leave at 8.30, knowing that we will have plenty of time if we don't leave until 8.40 - so that 10 minutes contingency time really helps too... there are still days when they don't want to get ready and lots of shouting ensues, but on the whole it works...

Re: Setting clocks fast, I have all downstairs clocks/timers set a few minutes fast, but by differing amounts. I never have time to work out what the real time is in the morning so always assume the worst! This stops me from filling any last "spare" minutes with other jobs - I too am a naturally last minute person (was born 2 weeks late and resisted one induction for those with theories on this).

It REALLY annoys my DH though.

We are never late (never early though!)

If I'm at home, I get up at 7 anf have my shower and get myself ready.

7.30 wake the children up and get every breakfasted. The radio turns itself on in the kitchen.

8.00 the children go upstairs, brush their hair and teeth and get the clean uniforn on.

8.20 the children come down and get the shoes and coat on and pick up their school bags

8.30 the radio turns itself off so i know that it's time to leave the house.

My DCs have to be in school by 8am for choir practice. Well they don't have to but they do iyswim.
Our morning goes like this.

6am - DH's alarm goes off and he gets ready for work. I think how much I could get done if only I got up with him.

6.30am DH leaves. I think if I get up now we won't have to rush.

7am I leap out of bed and shout DCs.

7.15am breakfast. We leave the mayhem behind us.

7.30 teeth, check bags, do DDs hair.

7.45 pack all rucksacks, kit bags, instruments, projects in a Heathrow fashion.

7.48 leave house.

@apostrophe, thanks for giving me a good laugh!! I have been known to go into DSs' room banging our largest pot with a wooden spoon. Actually that works better because of the humour factor.... and it stops me from screaming my head off because it amuses me too. You're a genius. Although I may see how the 'Thunderbell' alarm clock works first as the 'punctuation' before I spend another tenner.