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Parenting

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Original poster

Has anyone else never left their DC overnight and doesn;t want to?

52 replies

Gateau · 19/01/2009 11:07

Our DS is 21 months old and we have never left him with anyone else overnight; nor do we want to. Yes, DH and I have our nights out and grandparents babysit but we haven't felt the need to have him kept overnight.My brother who has two sons keeps telling me staying overnight will be harder for him as he gets older; do you think that's the case? TBH, I can't see us wanting to do this in the near future anyway.
I keep reading on here about parents going away for weekends or nights, sometimes even a week without their DC. Are we the only ones who don't do this?

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HaventAClue · 19/01/2009 11:58

not the only one, dd is 12 months and we have never even left her with a babysitter in the evening (although she goes to nursery 3 days a week so is cared for by others then), and have no inclination to leave her overnight at all until she's about - oh - 10 or so?
if you don't feel you want to I wouldn't worry about it, your little one is probably lovely and secure - what's wrong with that?
DD is my first but I am learning to ignore most of what other people say...

Original poster

Gateau · 19/01/2009 12:16

Yes, I think he is very secire with us, but currently verging on the clingy, and I hope this isn't our fault.

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BlueCowBackToWondering · 19/01/2009 12:22

If it works for you...

Your DS is not even two - plenty of time for sleep-overs if he wants to when he's bigger.

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Nemoandthefishes · 19/01/2009 12:27

I have not left any of the dc overnight unless I have been in labour with one of the others. DS is 5, dd1 3.1 and dd2 jut turned 2. I havent even done the overnight in hospital once I have given birth.
I sometime think I would love a night away etc epecially a dds only started to sleep through last week but I think in reality I would just stress about them.

Nemoandthefishes · 19/01/2009 12:29

meant to say I am due no.4 in june and have always laboured overnight...even when in labour dh usually come home to put the dc to bed so they have some familiarity

HappyMummyOfOne · 19/01/2009 12:38

You're not the only one, DS is 6 soon and have only left him once overnight as a baby as needed to be somewhere with DH. Hated every moment of it and havent done it since.

slng · 19/01/2009 18:03

Never done it either and don't want to. Even chose to have homebirth so didn't have to leave DS1 ... DSs are usually good sleepers (except nightmares, coughs, snotty sneezes etc etc) but I don't think I'd sleep a wink if they weren't there!

PDF · 19/01/2009 19:30

i work a lot of nights so yes I do leave my children (with my DH) but i get them into bed before I go to work and am generally ack for breakast time.

Other than that - I wouldn't leave my children. They are my responsibility.

My eldest is 10.

beansontoast · 19/01/2009 19:37

I dont think what your brother says is def the case atall....it could feasibly work the other way too?

my ds didnt sleep at anyone elses house without us untill he was two and a half ish.

he was absolutely fine when he started going for sleeps at his granny's when he was about 4 1/2.

Original poster

Gateau · 20/01/2009 08:44

I wouldn't call that leaving them, PDF. You are going to work!
I guess I will know the time is right when DS actually ASKS if he can stay overnight, say, at his grandparents'.
But who knows, eh??!
At the moment, though, DH and I do not want to go away on any overnights or weekends without him. Where we go, he goes.

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hazeyjane · 20/01/2009 09:00

dd1 is 2.10 and dd2 is 20 months, the only time we've left either of them overnight is when I had dd2 (my mum stayed at ours). Neither of them are great if left with other people, so like you say where we go, they go.

Ceebee74 · 20/01/2009 09:11

Me neither - DS1 is 2.6 and the only time I have spent a night away from him was when I was in hospital for 2 nights having DS2 (9 weeks) but he was with DH then (DH works away a lot so is often not here at night).

Again, we haven't even left him with a babysitter at night - me and DH are just not bothered about going out in the evenings (we never did much before the children tbh). But DS1 does go to nursery 4 days a week and has done since 7 months so is quite used to being without us...night time just seems different to me for some reason.

My mum keeps dropping hints as they often have my nephew and nieces to stay - my parents live 90 minutes away so not really convenient anyway.

I have no inclination to do it but know I will sometime - again, maybe when he asks to stop at grandmas when he realises his cousins do it.

Original poster

Gateau · 20/01/2009 09:25

Ceebee, I'm glad someone else isn't bothered that much about going out in the evenings. I thought we were the only ones!! Been there done it, really and we are really content just being together and not doinga hell of a lot. Sorry if that sounds very smug married, it's not meant to.
Having said that, we do go out now and again. This Friday for example, we're going out with friends. When it comes round I won't be bothered about going out, but I know I'll enjoy it when I do it.

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ssd · 20/01/2009 09:27

my 2 aged almost 11 and 8 have never been left overnight

as we have no one to leave them with

and I'd dearly love a night with dh, but won't get one till at least 10 yrs

Ceebee74 · 20/01/2009 09:28

Gateau - don't get me wrong - before we had children, we used to love going away for weekends and stopping in hotels and every now and again, we do think how nice it would be to do it again...but not enough to want to leave our DS's for the night - I would miss them far too much and worry about them! They are both still so young - there is plenty of time for us to do that when they are older and want to stop away at grandma's or friends houses.

hazeyjane · 20/01/2009 09:36

You don't sound 'smug married', Gateau. We are happy to stay in too. Since dd1 was born, we have been out for a drink twice, each time for an hour!. It's partly because we just don't have anyone to babysit, partly because dd1 has nightmares and wakes in the evening, and partly because we just like staying in talking, eating nice food, drinking wine ( ie watching crap tv, mumsnetting, playing computer games - ahem!)

ohdearwhatamess · 20/01/2009 09:46

DS2 (11 mo) has never been left overnight. Ds1 (2.8) was left with SIL and MIL when I was giving birth to ds2.

We don't really have anyone to leave them with, or have anyone to babysit. Grandparents won't have them. SIL would but doesn't approve (and her dh really disapproves), and I don't really want to leave them with people who feel sorry for them for being cruelly abandoned. Also mine are such a handful from 4-7pm (when they get tired and grumpy), and are early wakers, that I don't feel it is fair to inflict them on anyone else!

mawbroon · 20/01/2009 10:04

DS is 3.2yo and I have no desire to leave him overnight. That, coupled with the fact that he still wakes and breastfeeds during the night (we co sleep) make me reluctant to leave him. Even with dh, he is inconsolable if he wakes in the early evening and I am not there.

I know he won't be like this for ever and right now, I want to be there for him.

Gorionine · 20/01/2009 10:06

DD1 stayed overnight for the firet time when she was 8 !

LostGirl · 20/01/2009 10:16

DD1 is 5 and we have never left her overnight. We will do it when it's her suggestion rather than our idea if that makes sense

Original poster

Gateau · 20/01/2009 10:20

Hazeyjane, we like doing the same. Good food is really important to us, wine etc, and godd films.
PLUS DS has got into a habit of waking up in the night. I would hate for him to wake up when we weren't there and also hate to inflict this on grandparents.
DS's crying in the middle of the night meant my parents had a few sleepless nights when we were staying with them at Christmas and I felt really guilty. It was also really stressful, knowing that you were in someone's else and keeping them awake.

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Original poster

Gateau · 20/01/2009 10:22

A friend of mine is leaving her 21 month old DD and 5 monthh old DS to take her DH to Lapland for his 50th bithday. Each to their won, but I don't know how she can leave them when they're so young, particularly to a place her children would LOVE!

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WilyWombat · 20/01/2009 10:27

But I would say dont leave it too long if you have available & willing grandparents or it becomes a big thing for both when you do it eventually (been there done that!)

One night wont hurt and at least if there were ever a reason why they had to be left it wouldnt be such a trauma for your DC.

Having said that I havent often...I love going in last thing at night to give them a kiss when they are all warm and asleep - the house feels horribly empty without them.

WilyWombat · 20/01/2009 10:28

What a strange friend Gateau, my only reason for going to lapland would be for the children.

Original poster

Gateau · 20/01/2009 10:54

My point exactly, Wombat.

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