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Parenting

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Original poster

Am I being too harsh?

38 replies

snorris · 13/01/2009 18:23

Dd1 (13) was given some ICT homework to do over the Christmas holidays. She finally sat down to do it the w/e before they returned (she went back on Weds 7th). It involved logging onto the school website and opening an email. For some reason an attachment wouldn't open properly- the school is operating on an older system than we have at home . I gave her the benefit of the doubt and wrote a note explaining why she hadn't done the homework. As it happens,she forgot the note but the teacher explained how to open the attachment and gave her & others until tomorrow to finish it.
I have asked her most nights (including yesterday) if she had any homework and the answer has been no. Tonight she has tried to do the ICT homework and still can't open it. She now expects me to write a note to bail her out. I am refusing because she has had extra time and could have used the PC's at school or at my parents' house (they have the same system as the school & my Dad's business is writing and installing computer programs). I think she needs to learn from this and take the consequences.

OP posts:

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Aimsmum · 13/01/2009 18:28

Message withdrawn

missingtheaction · 13/01/2009 18:29

quite right too. Just don't expect any thanks, ever.

AliBean · 13/01/2009 18:30

No you are def not being too harsh. She will learn that there is a good reason to get things done in good time. You have written one note and she got extra time. She didn't make use of the extra time and will now get in trouble. Which she deserves, at 13 years old she is more than ready to deal with a telling off and possible detention/other punishment.
Stick to your guns! Hope she doesn't throw a tantrum tho... I remember how vile I was at 13...poor mummy!
Good luck

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Hassled · 13/01/2009 18:31

No, not to tough at all. Learning that ones actions or inaction has consequences is important. It will be much harder when she has big and scary GCSE coursework deadlines - you're doing her a favour by standing your ground now.

Hassled · 13/01/2009 18:31

too tough

optimisticmumma · 13/01/2009 18:32

Me too. Could she still get to do it at your parents house or do they live far away? If not you could offer to take her there as an option.

juuule · 13/01/2009 18:46

Too tough from me, too.
Think Optimisticmumma's suggestions are good.

ManIFeelLikeAWoman · 13/01/2009 18:49

Of course you're not being too tough! Would you have expected to get away with this sort of nonsense when you were at school?

And at the end of the day is a detention going to kill her? It's not as if they still use the cane ...

bigeyes · 13/01/2009 18:52

No hear hear! Respect for supporting us poor teachers!!!!! This will teach her to manage her time better and not procrastinate. Part of growing up is standing on your own two feet right?

PortAndLemon · 13/01/2009 18:52

You could write her a note that says "I can confirm that DD did tonight re-attempt to open the attachment and still couldn't do it. I can also confirm that she did not get round to making the attempt at any earlier point in the week of extra time she was given to complete the task." and then it's up to her whether she uses the note or not...

NAB3lovelychildren · 13/01/2009 18:53

Too tough imo. She probably didn't know that she could use the other computers and she is only 13. School has to take some reponsibilty for making it hard to access.

Hassled · 13/01/2009 18:53

Sorry,my "too tough" post was a correction of my previous post, where I said "not to tough".

To sum up - you are NOT being too tough

NAB3lovelychildren · 13/01/2009 18:53

I wouldn't put the second part. Seems you are putting your child down. JMO.

juuule · 13/01/2009 18:55

But if she is able to go to grandparents and do it tonight then homework is done, dd is happy and teachers are happy.

Then warn her that if she leaves it that late again you won't be running around sorting it out for her again.

bigeyes · 13/01/2009 18:55

NAB are you for real any 13yr old knows where they can access PC's in school at brk, lunch and after school - thats all they ever want to do!

optimisticmumma · 13/01/2009 18:57

Same here ... I was agreeing with a previous post saying not too tough but giving an option that helps her to take some initiative. If she can't get it done she should face consequences....

juuule · 13/01/2009 18:58

No it's not all that every one of them wants to do. My dd would rather be with her friends at brk and lunch and if she couldn't persuade them to go with her would probably give it a miss.

AnyFucker · 13/01/2009 18:58

portandlemon

that note sounds like something I would do

OP, you are not being too harsh

I have a 13 yr old dd and she is behaving in a really rather vile manner at the moment

I sympathize

AliBean · 13/01/2009 18:59

Only 13!! Kerrist! 13 year olds are not babies - she will start GCSE's in less than 2 years and as Hassled says she will benefit from learning how to manage her time. If you give in and bail her out she won't learn. What is the issue with her getting told off?
Am I missing something here? When I was at school if you were naughty or didn't do your work you got told off...so if you didn't like being told off you changed your behaviour and didn't get told off again (thats the theory anyway!)

plantsitter · 13/01/2009 19:00

Can't you try and get some help on opening the attachment from the geek topic (not me btw)? At least gives her a chance to do it while there is still time.

Wouldn't write the note though.

juuule · 13/01/2009 19:02

So, Snorris, does she do this all the time? Is this a lapse or a regular thing?

If a regular thing then you've most likely warned her before and if you don't feel like helping her then probably for the best that she gets told off.

If not a regular thing then I can't see any harm in putting yourself out and helping her.

optimisticmumma · 13/01/2009 19:03

What is the problem with giving her one final chance to sort it out. Then it's up to her. 13 year olds are not babies but they need to see they have options if they want to take them . There is a big difference in a 13 and 15/16 year old!!

Original poster

snorris · 13/01/2009 19:12

Thanks everyone. Seems I'm not such an evil mother after all . So far she's managed to get all her homework in on time (I think) but there have been several last minute rush jobs. TBH I'm just as annoyed about the lying as not doing the h/w.
I am giving her a last chance, my parents live very close so I'm about to take her there so she can do the homework. She has told me though she's annoyed with herself for getting into this situation.

I like the note btw- I had considered that sort of thing myself .

OP posts:

juuule · 13/01/2009 19:19

She might not have seen it as lying.
If she thought that it would be a straightforward jump on the pc and open the file then she might have mentally scheduled it for the night before. So on the other nights in her mind she didn't have any homework iyswim.

She was foiled by the teacher giving her the wrong info (and yes it's a joke)

optimisticmumma · 13/01/2009 19:24

Glad it's sorted. She sounds like a great girl! We all put stuff off don't we? Sometimes I think we think our children are perfect little machines!!

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