Am I being too harsh?

[snorris]

Dd1 (13) was given some ICT homework to do over the Christmas holidays. She finally sat down to do it the w/e before they returned (she went back on Weds 7th). It involved logging onto the school website and opening an email. For some reason an attachment wouldn't open properly- the school is operating on an older system than we have at home . I gave her the benefit of the doubt and wrote a note explaining why she hadn't done the homework. As it happens,she forgot the note but the teacher explained how to open the attachment and gave her & others until tomorrow to finish it.
I have asked her most nights (including yesterday) if she had any homework and the answer has been no. Tonight she has tried to do the ICT homework and still can't open it. She now expects me to write a note to bail her out. I am refusing because she has had extra time and could have used the PC's at school or at my parents' house (they have the same system as the school & my Dad's business is writing and installing computer programs). I think she needs to learn from this and take the consequences.

the thing is, in her head she HAD left herself enough time, albeit not very much,
#if the teacher had shown her how to do it she probably didn't even think that it might not work again, she trusted that the teacher had shown her and it would work

so i don't think it's bad to give her a second chance and a go at making it ok.
I would have maybe got her to call the grandparents and ask if she could go over or whatever.. ie, let her sort it out herself and then just be her driver

Mine are only 7 and younger so have no idea about 13 year olds!

You know your child, are you being too tough? Is this quite usual? As an avoider of work I could have done with this when I was her age.

Juule - you took my post it bit too literally, they certainly know where they are though

last term we had weeks of arguments re. shilly-shallying over homework "but it doesn't have to be in until next tuuuuesday..." etc

and then she would forget, and I found myself reminding myself to remind her

so I made a new rule

homework has to be done on the day it is given

dd (13) hates this, and tells me I am trying to "control" her and that her homework is "none of my business"

any thoughts?

and yes, I know that in a couple of yrs she will be doing her gcse's (if I don't strangle her 1st ), but I think this is a habit that will stand her in good stead

< puts hard hat on >

tough one anyfucker - I think she is of an age when she should start organising it her self but...then again if she is falling behind because of it y9ou may need to interveen but....if you keep organising her she will never learn herself, so maybe best that she messes up now and learns by the time she has gcses

and breathe

I think it's the right thing to do. My DD(13) won't let me anywhere near her books and says same as yours. In the end I have to trust her but have told her I won't bail her out as I've got 5 people's stuff in my head to remember and I just can't do it. Lots of friends say 13 is difficult and that their kids im proved bigtime by 15. Here's hoping

agree with noonki on your dd anyfucker.

i would say fine, you deal with the homework and you deal with the consequences.

Am really rubbish at this message lark! last comment was in response to anyfucker.

but by making the "do it the day you get it" rule, you are not organising for them are you?

I used to remind a dozen times and cajole until I was blue in the face, the only upshot was it caused stress to me and resulted in arguments

I think it works better this way, we all know where we are up to and no organising is required

I don't stand over her as she does it, I do a kind of random checking but there is still some room for her to decide how much effort to put into it

btw, she still gets occasional detentions, I presume because of the quality (or lack ) of the work

optimisticmumma, here's hoping too

teenage girls

< checks mirror for even more grey hairs >

I swear I could have a topic of my own re. my difficulties parenting a hormonal teenager

anyfucker, sounds like you've got it right and they all get occasional detentions don't they??? DS1 is 16 and great! DD much more stroppy. Just girls???? (only joke not sexist before anyone say i am!)

thanks OM