Do you appologie or explain after you shout? (hypothetically of course - I know none of us would ever actually shout at our children, heaven forfend)

[BroccoliSpears]

I bellowed like a fishwife earlier this evening.

Me: Come on everyone! Wash hands and sit up. Supper's on the table.
Dd: Ewww... I don't like supper. I don't want mushrooms. Mushrooms are disgusting. Daddy I want to put them on your plate. Uhhhhhhhhh.... I don't want them...
Me: WELL YOU'D BETTER JUST GO TO BED THEN IF YOU DON'T WANT SUPPER. .

And then everyone was really well behaved and pleasant for the rest of the evening (dh included!) Dd chatted sweetly. Dh did the washing up. Ds, well, he put spaghetti on his head but he's only 7 months. I had a lovely evening, and everyone went to bed cheerfully.

Should I have explained why I was cross? Or appologised for shouting? I mean, it worked really well, but I can't help wondering if it's not terribly positive or constructive to roar furiously and then never refer to it again.

What do you do?

Gosh you all go to bed very early

I am a shouty mum.
I like to think it prepares them for shouty teachers (the sort who scare other children to tears).
They are secure in the knowledge it will blow over though and of course, that i love them without boundaries.

Yes, I am Shouty Guilty Mum.

I yell a lot. I feel guilty a lot. I say 'sorry' a lot, and explain that mummy was really very cross, but it was wrong to shout blah blah.

It is a bad, bad pattern

Lol Twims. Am not in UK - we're 4 hours ahead!

I do say "I'm sorry for shouting, but I am feeling Really Cross". Not sure if that helps, though.

this type of shouting is good...gives everyone a reality check about general whinging/ungreatfulness IMO

however i do apologise if i'm doing an unreasonable foaming at the mouth shout which is brought on by extreme tiredness/feeling overwhelmed with two small children and being 28wks preg...at this point i apologise and grovel

I apologise when I think I was wrong to shout.
Those times when if I wasn't tired or stressed I would have handled things differently.
I can usually tell me the expression on DCs faces if they are totally taken aback or if they know that they were pushing it.

I shout like a woman possessed on a fairly regular basis. Just did it half an hour ago after having a very reasonable request ignored (by dc's AND dh).

I always apologise and explain the reason why I sometimes snap. Wish I was a calmer person though - and that I lived with people who occasionally acknowledge that I do everything around here WHILE THEY DO SOD ALL.

Sorry for shouting.

yes, often. But also try and identify with them what they did to cause the shouting, if it's not just me being a complete eejit.

Depends upon why I have shouted, if its at bad behavior, no. If I have taken out my bad mood on dd1 and shouted for mildly irritating behavior then yes I apologise and tell her that something else had upset me and it was wrong of me to take it out on her.

Ditto LuLu my sentiments exactly!

It's good to explain why you yelled (after you've calmed down with a good stiff G and T).

If you feel that you were in the wrong it's Ok to say that you shouldn't have done it and was because you were sad/upser/tired/angry/frustrated...

I yell all the time and it does no good whatsoever. It needs to have the shock tactic to be effective! And it's always when the postman/neighbour/gas man etc is aproaching the front door!

I shout sometimes because if I do not I am really not scary and usually starts laughing while telling them off. Like SheSells I appologise on a need to basis depending on why I shouted in the first place.

well, I do apologise but only if I think my reaction to something, in hindsight, was out of proportion to the misdemeanour

if I feel that my shouting or reaction was perfectly appropriate, then no, I don't apologise

sometimes my kids have to accept that their behaviour has consequences and that might mean that mum loses her temper

I often apologise and explain

Inconsistency is my watchword

But beware it may have worked a beauty this once believe me it loses its power..

I was going to apologise after shouting earlier, and then I thought - f*ck it, you've just spent ALL BLOODY DAY shouting at me, you're lucky I haven't burnt the house down in a fit of temper.

(Can you tell it's been a rough few days? Had 8 solid hours of tantrumming the other day, am pushed to the extreme.)

Anyfucker love the name and agree with your sentiment...

When you are a mother-in-law you will never have shouted at your children, just spoken to them in a calm, reasonable way. It is a truth universally acknowledged. I am waiting for that moment.

thanks bb, and your name is pretty damn fine too

I am a shouter, he is a very strong willed child.

This evening, I came home from work and went straight to bed for an hour or so....>

Whilst in bed, I heard DH and DS(7) having a squabble, when I came down I said to DS, did I hear you fall out with your Daddy ?? He loves you very much and that makes me sad.......

Well Mummy, it is like this, it was like those arguments you and Daddy have.....you have a little moan and then it is all over and done with.

Personally, I think that is rather healthy..

I think it's not always wrong to raise your voice. I don't often shout at dd - and it's not a big screaming shouty affair - just raising my voice and being very stern. I'd only apologise if I thought I was out of order - and quite frankly, I don't think I am usually. I do sometimes try to explain though.

I don't think what you said was unreasonable - I wouldn't try it with dd though as she ALWAYS calls my bluff and we end up with worse problems.

My mum was a real screamer and always apologising. It became very worthless as obviously (to me) if she was so sorry she wouldn't keep doing it.

yy anyfucker. i am dead scary too on rare occasion. the meekness resulting is so precious. not worth compromising it by losing temper too often.

Shouting can become a habit. in your children. Lower your voice and you will be surprised by the steely authority it gives you.
I think you should apologise for shouting but not necessarily for the sentiment. So you can say, I'm sorry I screamed at you, but I am really very angry with the way you just ran across the road.

broccolispears kind of shouting in the op - wouldn't even register on my radar - i did however lose the plot in a big way this evening with dd.

i do have a hot temper when i get going.

i sent her to her room - calmed down for 5 mins then i went and apologised for the way i "reacted to your actions" which wasn't not to say that she wasn't in the wrong - she was. but the way i reacted to it was also wrong.

it depends on the situation - i don't apologise for " becuase i bloody well said so - just do it!" type situations - just when i turn into the incredicle custyhulk

I don't see the point in apologising ,TBH. Sometimes it's the only way to get through to children that what they're doing is wrong.
I wouldn't apologise unless my shouting was uncalled for.