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Parenting

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Original poster

Please give me some good arguments for NOT smacking a child...........my brother has just said I am ridiculous and I am cross.

68 replies

Majeika · 14/12/2008 22:32

My youngest bro emailed us to ask our opinions on discipline and smacking. He has a 10m old boy.

I said that I had smacked mine but that in hindsight I wouldnt again as I really didnt believe in it.

I then said, 'You wouldnt hit another adult so why hit a young child?'

My other bro (who winds me up anyway) said that was a ridiculous thing to say and that he does smack his children.

I understand the difference between hit and smack blah blah but it is essentially the same thing. Youngest bro is talking about smacking DN on the leg or hand to stop him doing something. I said you can do this in a low toned voice............

Comments please. and HELP ME get one over on my annoying arsehole brother........

OP posts:

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thumbElf · 15/12/2008 01:16

good post Slur
anyway, have just noticed that your bro's DS is only 10mo - couldn't imagine smacking at that age AT ALL! Just the mere size disproportion of my hand to DS would be enough to think NO WAY.

S1ur · 15/12/2008 01:20

remind me to award you stalker points thumb mate

thumbElf · 15/12/2008 01:26

sorry Slur, I was here first! that makes you the stalker!

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thumbElf · 15/12/2008 01:27

...

S1ur · 15/12/2008 01:28

thumbElf · 15/12/2008 01:52

aha, yes. I meant that bit for the OP!

MadamDeathstarOverBethlehem · 15/12/2008 03:01

Tell your brother that smacking is the sign of a lazy parent who cannot be bothered to spend time looking for a non-violent way of correcting their child. Whether or not that is true it is sure to annoy him prodigiously.

ilovehenryboy · 15/12/2008 09:16

trying to discipline a ten month old? erm... i don't think so some how...

cory · 15/12/2008 09:19

agree with the lazy parent. I never found it that impossible to find other ways of stopping my 10mo from getting into trouble. At that age, it's all about thinking ahead as a parent, isn't it?, seeing where they could get into trouble and trying to prevent it. not saying I always managed it, but when I didn't I accepted that it was me that had fallen down on the job, not the baby. None of mine were even walking at that age, nor speaking, punishment didn't seem a realistic option at all, as I couldn't imagine they had any concept of naughtiness.

When they got older, I found there were other ways of punishment that made me look more in control.

harpsiheraldangelssing · 15/12/2008 09:45

I agree that you shouldn't get involved, as reasoned argument doesn't really help in these circumstances ime.
but I also agree with Port and Stilton, I think if you don't smack as a matter of policy that is much easier for the children to understand. whenever there is any tip-tapping between dd's I say in a very firm voice "there is NO HITTING in THIS family!" which is a pretty secure answer.
imo all arguments justifying hitting children are morally suspect. it is an abuse of power to use pain as a method of control when there are so many other better and more humane ways.

georgiemum · 15/12/2008 09:51

How long is he planning on smacking them? And at 6"4 he must be pretty scary for the kids too.

The kids may be learning that this is the way to get other people to do what you want.

Didn't he read about that 8 year old boy in the US who shot dead his father and the lodger? Aparently he was smacked for everything and had written in his diary 'the 1000th smack will be the last'.

Gemzooks · 15/12/2008 14:05

Does his wife agree? He might be just posturing..

pluckyyuletideducky · 15/12/2008 14:54

Majeika, just out of interest, would you allow your brother to look after your children? I'm thankful that all of my close family agree with us wrt not smacking, and if they did agree with smacking as a form of discipline I wouldn't allow them to spend time alone with my children.

You could ask your brother to explain what's 'ok' and what's not. Eg asmack on the legs v a smack with the same force round the face. Why is one viewed by some as acceptable and the other not? I'm genuinely interested in the answer!

crokky · 15/12/2008 15:08

I was smacked (and beaten) quite a lot as a child. Mainly by my dad who cannot control his temper.

As a consequence, I see violence as something very minor. I can't help it - I have seen so much of it that I don't even think it is bad. If someone hit me now, I wouldn't even care. I know this is 'the wrong view' but it's just how I feel because of my dad. It is true that violence breeds violence and even if you are non violent (like me), you may still end up thinking that it is no big deal. Does he want his DS to grow up thinking it's OK to hit women? Or his DD to grow up thinking if a man hits her then not to worry about it?

I would never hit my own children (they are nearly 3 and nearly 1). I don't want them to grow up thinking that it's OK like I do.

I can't allow my dad to look after either of my children ever because he has already stated that my eldest "needs a beating".

MadamDeathstarOverBethlehem · 15/12/2008 17:06

for you crokky and for your father.

If the brother's wife does not agree with smacking he had better find another method of discipline. Men abusing little children either verbally or physically is a complete turn-off in my book.

Original poster

Majeika · 15/12/2008 21:25

thanks so much everyone.

am for you crokky

I will think all of this through and put it to him.

OP posts:

Gateau · 16/12/2008 10:49

I don't favour smacking but I don't think it makes children smack. That's rubbish.
My brother nad I were smacked - as were all of our friends - and none of us would dream of hitting anyone else.
It did us no harm.

MrsMattie · 16/12/2008 10:51

It doesn't work, does it? Doesn't with my son, anyway. I was staunchly anti-smacking before I had kids. I slipped into a habit of giving my son the odd smack when he was really naughty. Honestly? What effect does it have? except for make me feel momentarily better (engagaing my absolute lowest self, the self that gets relief from my own anger by walloping a small child..), then about I feel 100 times worse for ages because I have made my little boy cry? It's stupid. Smacking is for numpties.

MrsMattie · 16/12/2008 10:52

Sorry for nonsensical grammar in that post!

Miggsie · 16/12/2008 10:55

your brother is a big bully...he is using his size to intimidate someone smaller than he is.
And then he's winding you up to get a reaction.

Gateau · 16/12/2008 11:17

my Dh has tapped my toddler DS on the hand several times. I didn't think I would mind it but I don't like it one bit. Even that small tap on his little chubby hand seems like a violation and just wrong. Ds doesn't cry though - not that we want that to happen. He's a defiant litle monkey.

Gateau · 16/12/2008 11:23

It's that whole "lifting your hand" to a child thing. It's just horrible.

Gemzooks · 16/12/2008 11:29

My DH would probably divorce me if I smacked our son!

NewHollyOtherIvy · 16/12/2008 11:43

He should definitely NOT smack his DS. He's 10 months old FGS and will only feel the pain of the smack not the reasons behind it.

Your DB is what? 6ft 4?? Ask him how he'd feel if he was approached by somebody more than twice his height and around 20 times his weight, with an angry look in his eye raising his hand to smack him. How absolutely terrified would he be??
That's be exactly how he's making his DS feel every time he smacks him.

gagarin · 16/12/2008 15:32

Gateau - I don't think it makes children smack in general BUT I have seen older children who have been smacked smacking their littler brothers and sisters - and the littler brothers and sisters smacking the dog/cat.

IMO it teaches that it's ok to hit someone smaller than yourself.

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