Would you ever allow your dcs to spend xmas eve and xmas day at GPs and NOT at home with you?

[lilymolly]

Very complicated family situation going on here in Lilymolly land.

DPs brother has 2 children from his first marriage 1 dd (11) and 1 ds (9)
They live with their mother (who according to all family and friends is a bit weird and is bordering on being bipolar) I have never met her.....
Both kids are lovely and see their grandparent infrequently maybe once a month.

DPs brothers 2nd wife is expecting first baby any minute now and I found out tonight that GPs are having the 2 children on xmas eve and xmas day so they will not be spending time with their mum on xmas day at all.
They are going to their dads for lunch then back to granparents house.

Now I have a few questions:

Would you ever allow your children to spend xmas eve/day with GPs and not their mam or dad

Do you think its wierd that the DB and his 2nd wife would NOT invite GPs for lunch or have lunch at GPs house with them and the kids (and yes I know they will have a newborn but come on!)

Should I just butt out

Sorry if none of that makes sense, its very confusing

I personally could never do it.

Will Dps brother and wife be going too perhaps?
maybe that's going to be the most stable place for them at the moment and they may be spoilt rotten.

I suspect they are sending their kids to GPs where they can be sure that the dc will have a lovely Christmas without having to deal with all the added pressures of haveing exhausted parents and a new brother/sister.

They are seeing their dad on Christmas day so I would not be worried.

TBH when I had a new baby in the house the thought of hosting and cooking the full Christmas lunch for my immediate family and PIL would send me loopy.

No, I couldn't
As a child of divorced parents (who finally split up on Christmas Eve, when I was 10)I really feel for these children, they will feel so pushed out, no matter how the GP's spoil them.
I think it's an awful plan tbh

Initial reaction was that I felt really sorry for the mum, bipolar or not, cos perhaps she didn't have masses of input into the situation.

No farking way could I not have my children with me on xmas day, that's why I think she may not have actually wanted it that way.

Agree with lizzylou too, poor kids

Never, not in a million years - newborn or not.

nope would never allow the children to be anywhere but qith me on christmas day.

but you should probably butt out.

jellybelly - no way could you have your kids with you on Christmas day?

Well this year I will have them until mid/late afternoon - next year I won't have them with me until that time of day.

Without knowing all the details (apart from what you've said on the thread) I don't really think I can comment tbh.

Oh and for me "once a month" is pretty frequent to see grandparents

Just wanted to add the ONLY way I would allow my kids to spend time with anyone other than me on xmas day is if god forbid, we ever split up and dp had dd for some of the day.

Tis a very wierd situation tbh.

I feel for all you families who have to "share" the kids over xmas.

no no i said no way could i NOT have them with me I would literally not know what to do if they weren't there!

I sort of think maybe it was his 'turn' or something, and he didn't want to give up the turn, but was worried about dealing with it all with the new baby...

Obviously all a totally speculative monday evening timepass but it is a bit sad to have to share kids on xmas day, or not have them with you. Who knows how these situations occur really

sorrry - missed out the "not" from my post.

yes it is hard to share the kids - but it's a fact of life for some of us [weak]

Oh GoldFAQ I hope you still enjoy it.

I just think in this situation, no matter if I had a new baby or not, I would still want my first kids/step kids with their family and not just with GPs

I was not having a go at people who don't have their kids around gold... Sorry if I gave that impression. I don't think anyone would choose that situation unless absolutely necessary. for you

At least you either get to wake up with them OR go to bed with them on xmas day though, it sounds like this mum isn't going to see them at all, which is what I really felt was strange.

it's ok - just feeling a bit sensitive about it tonight as it's my first Christmas since exH and I split up, and we (finally) got around to making Christmas arrangements for the DS's just this evening.

Totally understand why you feel sensitive. I was a bit insensitive with my original comment What will you be doing for the rest of the day? It sounds like a fair agreement at least...

yes it is a fair agreement means we both get to see a bit of them on Christmas Day and Boxing Day.

Don't know what I'm going to do, probably come on MN and drink coffee/smoke fags all night

Lol I think maybe if you plan something to keep you busy... I too would probably resort to drinking and/or smoking which is unhelpful irresponsible and impractical! Do you have 'child-free' (haha I love the ridiculousness of that tag) friends that you could visit?

Well it's not an arrangement I would ever expect - but it's really none of your business is it?

I'm in the same situation as FAQ, I'll have my children Christmas morning and their father will take them for the afternoon, we also split this year.

I had a 2 month old one Christmas (ds1) and still had everyone over and cooked etc, also did the whole lot on my own for 13 people when I was 37 weeks pregnant but I wouldn't want to be without my kids through choice. Seems that's a good way to create jealousy between them and leaving the older ones feeling pushed out. It's just a baby, doesn't mean you need weeks on your own without your children Makes me wonder if the new wife wants it that way.

I hope my ds will spend Christmas Day in the middle of a 10 day period with me at my mum's, 200 miles north of where I live at the moment. However, I'm expecting another baby at the end of next month and I hope I won't be one of them but I imagine that some of us expecting babies in December and January 2009 will end up with a Christmas rather different from the one planned.

I'm wary of making judgements though, there are many people here in a situation like FAQ where they have to come to a fair sharing arrangement, and some parents don't live in the same town or area. There are others who will have to work over Christmas, and I feel very lucky that my dp isn't one of them this year as he has been on other occasions.

When I was younger we nearly always used to stay with my mum's parents at Christmas, and that would mean my dad would never see me then. He would have also missed out on later Christmases with his other kids with his second wife - it was to a large extent his fault but still, I imagine he was sad about it.

Then for a few years my mum invited several people to spend Christmas who might otherwise have been a bit lonely, and also because I think after her parents died and my stepdad left her for someone else, our family needed to find a way of making our own kind of celebration since we couldn't do what we'd done before.

Would never, ever consider it.
I feel very sorry for those kids.

I sasy never, ever but who knows what the future will hold???! Something unforeseen could be thrown up.
Put it this way, it's something I would never, ever WANT to have to consider.

We were "shared" between my Mom and Dad on Christmas day and it worked well, we loved it (2 lots of present opening, 1 year 2 Christmas dinners due a mix up and we didn't want to offend anyone ), that's not what I find strange. It's that it is the Father's "turn" and he seems to be shipping off his eldest children to the GPs because of the new baby, I think that that is a mistake.

Lizzy - were you ok being shared between the 2 houses at Christmas, I'm (personally) dreading being on my own, but I'm also a little worried as to how the DS's will find it spending most of Christmas day this year with me, then the Evening of Christmas day and most of Boxing Day with exH - and then the reverse next year.