Everyday is fight!

[purpleflower]

I dread DS waking up and count down the minutes until bedtime at night. I spend half the day shouting and the other half crying. It has just taken me an hour to get him dressed. He screams, kicks, smacks and throws things around. He is so strong and so stubborn I really don't know what to do.

His poor sister sits in her chair in the corner unless I am feeding her or changing her nappy. He screams and trys to hit her the whole time she is in my arms.

He is currently crying at my feet poking me because I won't change his trousers for the 3rd time in 20 minutes. I even let him chose his own clothes but he is taking them off. now they are being thrown around the room.

I'm embarassed to take him out as he throws such huge tantrums over the smallest things.

I don't think there is anything anyone can do to help but I just had to get it out. I am struggeling so much but there is noone else I can turn to.

Sorry to hear you are having a rotten time. How old is he?

Has he always been like this?

Thank you, he is 2.2.

He is calm now eating the bag of crisps i promised he could have after his lunch when he screamed for them for breakfast.

So far today he has pulled a lump of my hair out, slapped me, kicked me, headbutted me and has added biting to his list. He drew blood from my leg through jeans

He has always been very demanding but it has gotten so much worse over the last couple of weeks.

How old is dd?

Sorry, I've just seen that you have a profile.

god that sounds HARD. Biting is so awful - I used to be afraid to pick ds up sometimes, he would go straight for my neck like a tiny vampire.

It did stop, eventually. No advice. You poor thing. Except - what about ringing the health visitor, if yours is any good (maybe ask around which is the good one in your team?) They can be really good at behaviour stuff, and at least it's someone to talk to.

I'm just wondering whether his seemingly extreme behaviour could be due to his sister arriving.
Give him lots of attention when he is behaving well and tell him when he isn't.
If he starts hitting/biting etc then try to hold him close and talk to him. If he's past that stage and out of control put him in a room away from you and wait until he's calmed down a little. Once he's calmed down give him a cuddle and reassure him that you still love him and that it's not nice to hit/kick etc.
Don't allow him to kick you and don't fight with him.

While he's in the room away from you keep asking at intervals if he's okay now and remind him that he can come and have a cuddle once he's calmed down. Don't let him think you've abandoned him.

DD is 9weeks old now.

He has always been like this, just not to this extreme. What makes it harder is that he doesn't talk yet. He can only say 10 words. He is very clever and does understand everything that is said to him and has made up his own sign language. When he is good he is such an angel but unfortunately it's not very often at the moment.

I don't have another room I can put him in. I try putting him into the corner but he just runs after me screaming. I put him in the hallway on the other side of the stair gate earlier but he just launched himself over it head first. I also tried holding him so he couldn't slap me but he just headbutted me or kicked me instead.

I don't really want to call the healthvisitor as I don't really like her. She came when DD was 3 weeks old and did her check and DS's 2 year check. All she did was find ways to blame me for DS not talking. I am doing all the things she suggested but he is still not talking and his behaviour has gotten worse. She also told me the wrong day to get DD weighed at the clinic, me and another mum turned up on a friday to be told that it was a thursday and always had been.

Thank you all, it helps being able to tell people about it as I don't want anyone in real life to know that I'm not coping.

Can someone come round for a little every day to help/give you moral support for a while?

My dd only had 4 words at 3 and more at 3.5. She was a very late talker. Don't worry about your son's vocab - I dread to think what your HV would have said to me!

If you're not going out, do you need your son to be dressed? Have a few days in PJ's?

Do you have a separate kitchen? bedroom? bathroom?

My ds2 didn't talk until he was 2 and a half.
As long as your son is understanding what you say, I wouldn't worry too much about the speech.

poor you - I have a demanding 2 year old and know how draining it can be! A friend was told that re. the getting dressed thing, just take him out in his pyjamas one time, (unless really cold obv.) but then it will seem like it's not a big deal to you - hopefully he will decide that he does want to be dressed like everyone else. And if he doesn't, a few trips out in PJ's won't really hurt.

DP has said that I can't shut him in his bedroom as he doesn't like it, if I put him in the bathroom he would just trash it, DP has taken all the doors off downstairs as it's quite small and without doors it feels a bit bigger. I did go out in the garden last week leaving him inside but he threw the litter tray everywhere and then emptied the clean washing from the machine all over the cat litter.

There isn't anyone else to help. DP goes to work before DS gets up and gets home after he is in bed. MIL works all the hours under the sun but she does have him if I'm desperate, she did when I went to the docs last week. The last time I asked my Dad to have him was when I was 39weeks pregnant and ill, he said he didn't want to catch anything. I used to be able to ask my cousin but he bit (the first time he bit anyone) her son last time we were there and drew blood so I don't want to now.

I'm going to try and get his trousers on again now so we can go to the shop.

I'm sorry if it sounds like i am making excuses and not listening to what you are saying, I am. I've just tried so much with him already and he just seems to be getting worse rather than better.

The health visitor told me he doesn't talk because he watches too much TV (I had a newborn at the time!) still had a dummy at night, still had a bottle at night and because I didn't take him to toddlers. I got rid of the dummy and bottle and take him to toddlers every week now and the TV is off most of the time.

If I took him out in PJs MIL would go mad, she was angry that I let him go out without a coat the other day because he wouldn't put it on, she said he had won because I let him put it on on his terms when he got cold.

Your dp doesn't have to deal with him during the day. Does he have any suggestions to help? When he's home, what does he do when your son behaves like this? If the only place that you can put your son is the bedroom, then that's where he should go. Of course he won't like it, but you need a barrier between you and him until he calms down. He can't just be allowed to kick and bite you or anybody else.
What can he trash in the bathroom? Move everything out of his reach.
Do you have any calm moments together when you can talk to him?

If your mil gets angry, ignore her and let her know that you are bringing up your child your way. If she wants to help tell her she can look after him for an hour or so while you take a breather.

He doesn't really get like this as much for DP. DP lets him have almost everything he wants so he has no need to get angry and frustrated, he gets all the attention he wants.

We have had huge cuddles now and played with his cars a little bit.

MIL is the only one who can look after him when I really need it and is the only one I can really ask for advice, my Mum died when I was 13 and I was the youngest, I have no experience at all with children.

I will try utting him in his bedroom next time but I worry he is going to hurt himself throwing things around and jumping on things.

Thank you. I will check back later when we have been out.

Could you chat with other parents at the toddler groups and maybe see what they do in similar situations?

I know you may not want to, but how about sending him to nursey/ or a childminder, even just for the mornings to give yourself and DD a break, tell him he's a big boy and he would enjoy it. It may improve his speech which may in turn reduce his need to tantrum as he might be able to express himself better (note judicial use of the word might!!) Failing that, Supernanny? Christmas is coming, so your DH/DP might be home more and could get a taste of the day time drama and be more help to you.

Try not sweating the small things and go for easy victories. I may be going out on a limb here, but perhaps you could take him to see the GP and go through all of this. He may be able to refer you to someone who's seen it all before and will be able to advise you and put your mind at rest.

If I could afford to put him into nursery I would in a shot but at the moment we can barely pay our bills.

I don't really want to ask the other mums at toddlers as we go with my SIL and my Nephew. My Nephew is 3 days older than DS and of course perfectly well behaved. I just don't want them to know how bad he is.

It has just taken me 40 minutes to get him in the car outside tesco. He was screaming and arching his back so I couldn't strap him in. Soon it's going to get to the point that I can't take him out at all. He eventually wore himself out enough that I could force him into his seat. He screamed himself to sleep and is now asleep on the sofa after screaming again when I moved him. I was supposed to go to another shop too but didn't.

He really isn't like this with DP at all, I think it's the novelty that Daddy is home. He is a complete Daddys boy and seems to hate me.

Is this really something to take him to the doctors about? I thought the doctors was just when you are sick and he is healthy?

His lack of speech is probably adding to his frustration; I'm sure he will get less cross as he gets more speech.

In the meantime I think you could take a long hard look at your expectations. When we're at the end of our tether with a child often it's because we are driving ourselves mad because we're expecting too much.

One big way we often expect too much is by expecting to talk to a child in the same way we would an adult.

What I mean by that is that we might say "come on DS it's time to go, get your shoes on" when in fact there are many, many other ways of saying the same thing but in a way that is more appropriate for a two year old. For instance, telling him it's a race and you'll get yours on first; telling him they are special (fireman sam or whatever he likes) shoes; having a look in one shoe and 'finding' a tickle spider in there "quick, stick this on and squash the spider!" or some such nonsense!

You won't go far wrong if you develop a BRILLIANT sense of humour and approach things that way, that's what I mean by not talking to them as little adults really

It doesn't have to be a fight - you are older and cleverer and can think your way round things to avoid (most of the time) confrontation.

oh and I wouldn't take parenting advice from a DP who doesn't see the child during the week! YOU are the one doing the parenting; YOU take those important decisions.

I used DS' room as a time out zone sometimes; I found it a good idea.

I've been thinking about it alot since he is asleep and realised that it is getting worse since he has dropped his daytime nap. He was screaming and fighting me when I was trying to get him to have it so we stopped. He does sleep if we go out in the car but I don't always want to have to drive him around to get him to nap. I also don't want DD to get in the habbit of being driven around to nap.

I'm going to try the different approach like you suggested StephanieByng and see if that helps.

Now I really have to wake him up or he won't sleep at all tonight.