Everyday is fight!

[purpleflower]

I dread DS waking up and count down the minutes until bedtime at night. I spend half the day shouting and the other half crying. It has just taken me an hour to get him dressed. He screams, kicks, smacks and throws things around. He is so strong and so stubborn I really don't know what to do.

His poor sister sits in her chair in the corner unless I am feeding her or changing her nappy. He screams and trys to hit her the whole time she is in my arms.

He is currently crying at my feet poking me because I won't change his trousers for the 3rd time in 20 minutes. I even let him chose his own clothes but he is taking them off. now they are being thrown around the room.

I'm embarassed to take him out as he throws such huge tantrums over the smallest things.

I don't think there is anything anyone can do to help but I just had to get it out. I am struggeling so much but there is noone else I can turn to.

Good luck purpleflower! Let us know how it goes.

My ds is 2.6 and although he doesn't generaly go to those extremes if he doesn't have a nap he seeks the naughty things out! I have realized with him if he really fights a nap to the point of hysteria then he really needs one and I persevere. I have to for my sanity!

biting etc is ds does that to me or dh we put him on the floor and don't let him back near us untill he has calmed down and said sorry before he could say sorry he needed to cuddle us to say sorry iyswim.

I'm finding general toddler exuberance hard these days as preggers and have 8mo dd who is teething very vocaly!!!

I don't think there is a single parent on this board purpleflower that wouldn't feel for you - either we have been somewhere very like the place you are, or we know it's coming to get us.

Going to the GP - well, your son sounds healthy, but possibly you're not?

Sorry your health visitor is such pants. OK, what about Homestart? Now, from your other posts I bet you will look at this and say 'I don't deserve help like these other people do' - please give them a ring. there's no guarantees it will help, the only person I know who used them didn't find it brilliant, but I know some people have. It's got to be worth a try. You're in SUCH a hard stage, it doesn't get much harder than a 9wk old and a 2year old. You're a heroine and you deserve more support (and space) than you've got.

Thank you all so much.

I got an early night last night and I am feeling much more positive today. He didn't sleep well and was up early so we will see how long it lasts lol. I'm going to take him for a walk and try to wear him out enough to have a nap earlier than he did yesterday so he sleeps better tonight.

He is being really good this morning, he cuddled up to me on the sofa while I fed DD and we read a book, it makes a change to him trying to pull her off me or hit her.

I'm going to try and not let myself get over tired and him to.

Choosyfloosy thank you so much for saying that. Everyone seems to be coping so much better than me. My SIL has a son 3 days older than DS and a 2nd 1 week younger than DD and she is coping so well. My cousins boys are much older now but they are only 2.2 apart and she always tells me how easy it was. MIL also told me it was easier with 2 and hers were 14months apart.

I'm really not sure about the homestart, if we have a day like yesterday then I will definitely call them.

I don't think I need the doctors yet, I was quite down after DS and didn't go to the doctors. I've spoken to DP about it since and he noticed it at the time but didn't say anything, I've made him promise that if he sees me start to get like that again then he will tell me and I will go to the doctors asap. I didn't realise how bad I was until I started to feel better.

Again, thank you all.

Good to hear you are feeling better this morning.

You can go to see the GP if he's physically healthy but you are concerned he may have behavoural issues. He probably doesn't, but you can be referred to a child physcologist (sp?!) who may be able to help you with coping strategies, esp if the HV is no use. Or you could ask to see an alternative HV?

Putting him in his bedroom makes him worse.

He came into our room this morning and demanded that I get out of bed. When I told him he couldn't he started screaming, pulling the covers off of me and kicking me. I told him that he had to give me a kiss to say sorry. DD finished feeding but I told him he had to say sorry because he hurt me and that I would get up and take him downstairs when he said sorry. This went on for about 10 minutes where he was kicking me more and more and screaming worse. I put him in his bedroom where he went crazy throwing things around tipping everything out of his drawers and hammering on the door. I kept talking to him telling him that I loved him and asking if he was ready to calm down, have cuddles and say sorry. I also tried going in there every 5 minutes but after half an hour he was worse than before I puthiim in there. I went in and got him but he was thrashing aroound and has smacked his head on the doorframe. He now has a purple egg on his forehead. I tried to give him cuddles but he was pushing me away and pinching my face and neck. Eventually he calmed down when I took him downstairs.

He is now sat on my lap having huge cuddles watching TV and\eating breakfast. He is being so lovely and I feel terrible. I know it could've been avoided if I ignored him kicking me. I also know I shouldn't have shouted at him.

Apart from not losing my temper and shouting at him, how should I do it differently? I can't put himin his bedroom like that anymore. I don't want him to hurt himself or damage anything.

Should I take him to the doctors for his head? He seems fine but it does look really purple and it came up in seconds, he's never hit his head this badly

I'm scared he will be taken away from me

My DS can be difficult like this. And it leaves you feel quite desolate and worn out. It's hard to like them at these times!

I've found ignoring him when he's raging like your DS in his bedroom works quite well. He doesn't get any fuel for his rage. I guess your DS knew you were there and carried on with his performance. Even at this young age.

But at this young age is really difficult to know how to handle it. Discipline is totally the wrong word but it's important to be consistent and show him that you don't accept his behaviour by ignoring it and or removing him from the situations where he's raging i.e. leaving the supermarket or the softplay. It took ages for my DS to get the message but he finally understands that we will leave somewhere he likes if he doesn't behave nicely.

It's so hard and exhausting especially with a new baby to care for. I know how you feel and that you feel very desperate and miserable.

But it will get better. It will. Can he go to nursery at all for a few hours a week? Give you a break?

And remember if he tantrums in public, every parent walking by is thinking, "There but for the grace of god......." and you'll have their sympathies! You certainly have mine.

I haven't finished reading the thread but I just wanted to comment on the fact that you are comparing yourself unfavourably to others re coping.

You said yourself you didn't want people in rl to know you are not coping and every one of us is like that!

It's all a bit of a front and I can guarantee that your SIL who appears to be coping better than you has probably sat down and cried and wondered how to deal with it all too.

Go easy on yourself.

Absolutely, WhosThatThen. It's like those parents who say their week old baby is sleeping through the night.

PurpleFlower, it's normal to feel despair because you're dealing with a lot! Don't be hard on yourself and remember, everybody feels the same at some point.