"Cherry-picking parenting" - what do you think about this?

[Anna8888]

Do you think it makes any difference to a child growing up if his/her parents subcontract the parts of parenting they dislike (could be for example school run, visits to the park, chauffeuring to activities, getting a child ready for school in the morning) and just do the parts they enjoy (eg clothes shopping, reading, restaurants)?

I wish.......

I don't mind doing any of it if they are not moaning/bickering/arguing, etc

Of course it does.

Children pick up on messages, however subliminal. But what they will pick up is not "Mum hates going to the park" but "Mum hates going to the park with me".

For most children, clothes shopping and restaurants are boring, not fun. And who wants to only spend time with the parents they love doing boring things?

Hmmph. I read that Madonna boasts she has never changed a nappy in her life. And I heard from a reliable source that she spends no time at all with her children save for "fun activities" such as shopping.

I wish I could contract out clearing up sick! But I'm not sure who you could dial at 3 in the morning to deal with a pile of regurgitated beef stroganoff and plum crumble... And I would most definitely contract out going to playgrounds. The unparalleled boredom of hanging around such places.

I can't help thinking that children do appreciate a parent being there for those routine times, such as school run. And the not so good times, such as when they are ill. I think it is the person who is "there" for them to whom they feel the closest.

for us it is clear we do the same things differently for example when going for walks with dd, dh likes to pretty much ramble about and it is always a surprise where they will end up or what time they will come home
I am utterly unable to do this, I expect dd just knows that she has different experiences with depending on who goes out with her.

same for in house activities, chores, conversations etc.

we agree on the basis so I expect that is good enough

agree on the basics that is

at shopping with children as a fun-activity.

yes but I expect Madona shopping involves emptying the shop and having servants bring over the clothes while they nibble on fat free bark or something

Shopping was OK at worst and sometimes fun with DS when he was small. With DD it is OK at absolute best.

To the OP - yes I think it makes a difference. The person you turn to when you need someone is the person who is there for the boring stuff IMO.

It depends if you want to be a parent to the child, or someone who is fun to be with. Children form bonds with the people who do the main "caring" for them - whether that's their parents or someone else. If you never do those things, you will never have that role in their life.

I think Ruby is close with the horse analogy

I sometimes see this difference between me and dh, as it happens

dh is Mr Fun Time - exciting walks, pillow fights, goingg on adventrues down teh garden, more tv etc

I am the dull old dinner-maker, sick-clearer, nappychanger, milk-warmer, bather, song singer and dresser

when dd is bored and wants amusement she seeks out dh
but when she's tired or fretful she wants me

I am also at shopping with children as a fun activity.

And yes, I think it makes a difference.

am with Ruby totally

Actually I can conceive that shopping with one child of 4 or older could be fun.
But I will never get to experience this because the only time DH is around to look after the other while the shops are open is Saturday afternoon and I can't bring myself to shop on Saturdays.

Shopping with DD (4) is often great fun.

With my two, it was when we were doing the boring things that they were most likely to really talk to me about the things that mattered to them, so I'd definitely want to be there then.

MrsBadger - my DP would easily slip into that allocation of tasks between him and me. Except that I complain, loudly - I don't think it is reasonable that DPs/DHs cherry-pick the fun parts of parenting and leave the chores to their DPs/DWs...

RustyBear - I agree. I used to have "deep and meaningful" conversations with DSS1 when he was 11 and I used to take him on a long metro trip to acting class every Wednesday. Nothing was happening on the journey, so he would talk about things that were on his mind, undistracted and with my undivided attention.

Why would anyone want to give up doing anything with their Dc's? The good bits and the bad bits go hand in hand with parenthood surely?

Tistheseason, if you only have a few minutes per day with your 3 yr old child, you would probably rather read them bedtime story than oversee teethbrushing, wouldn't you?

I agree that the good bits go hand in hand but I am quite happy for DH to choose his fave bits on weekday evenings.
I'm just happy that he is home time to see them before bedtime.

I cherry pick and tell her why. I hate reading stories to her so dh does it - I do however do silly voices and stories on way home in the car.

I hate going to school fairs - dh is taking her.

I am completely honest about it and make it very clear it's the activity I don't like and not her.

I would squeeze in both and have done.