Birthday next to Christmas - joint presents?

[chloemegjess]

Hi. My DDs first birthday is 29th December. When I was pregnant, all the family said they would always get her seperate gifts for Christmas and Birthday so she doesn't miss out, but already, on the first year, so many of them have said they got her x and that is for christmas and birthday. I understand if they got her a big present or something but they have got her exactly the same as what they have got her cousin, who is 3 months younger. I know he will get extra presents on his birthday.

I know she won't know any difference as she is still very young but I can't help in thinking she is going to get half the amount of presents because of having her birthday so close to christmas. It is DHs family really, as they have plenty of money so its not like it is really asking for much. Also, it is us that will end up having to buy the other stuff because she won't get as many presents, and we don't have much money at all.

Am I just being silly? I just can't help in wanting her to have a good birthday, where as I know being so close to Christmas, people just won't make the effort.

Our next baby is due in April, and I don't want the second child to have a proper birthday each year and not the first?

Am I mad in worrying about this so early on?

I wouldn't worry
Soon you will ve overwhelmed in your house with toys, both for her and the new baby
Present giving, toy buying etc just gets out of hand
I wouldn't supplement what she gets, a 1 year old really doesn't need much at all tbh

i would give her the joint present on her birthday. are you pils coming for christmas? that way they would see that they can't just get one small present. christmas is lovely but i think her birthday is more important

It's fine really for the first few years as she won't notice. But as she gets older she will notice - perhaps you could suggest people buy her birthday present earlier in the year if they want to spread the cost. Not sure how to do this tactfully though!

I speak as someone with a birthday close to Christmas - joint presents are not on unless specifically asked for!!

Mine's close to Christmas too.

Joint presents are a big no-no in my book especially for a child.

My brothers birthday is the 14th Dec and he always got seperate presents until he was about 15. He would get a big present like a PS2, Hi-fi or a small tv. But he'd still get small presents for both his birthday and xmas.

Something else my parents would do is if he got something for his birthday he could add too like his train set they would get him something to do with it for xmas.

I don't know how many people are involved or anything, but howabout inviting them to a specific Birthday party, perhaps a week after your LOs actual birthday. It would obviously be a different occassion to Christmas then, and surely noone would turn up to a childs birthday party without a present?

Yes I did think that about the party, but we don't have the space at home and wouldn't want to pay loads of money for one at least until she is older and can enjoy it. But Yes, we will try and do that when she is older.

My birthday is in Jan, so still a bit close to xmas, and when I was older I did get some joint presents, but these were big presents that were more expensive than if I were to get 2 seperate ones. We knew we always had the same amount spent on all of us.

If they didn't have much money then I wouldn't mind. My family haven't got much money but they are still getting her separate present, just cheap ones, as you say, she won't know the difference but at least she has something on both days.

And we discovered the other day that even at 10 months she knows how to open presents very quickly!

This year I might just save most of the stuff we have got her till her birthday to bulk it out but with no extra cost.

I have no idea what to actually do for her first birthday eitehr!!

my ds2 is 19th dec.we dont do joint presents and make sure birthday presents arent in xmas paper,our decs dont go up till day after etc.we say to people if they dont 'get it' then to do one or the other but not both together iyswim.i just feel dd and ds1 whose birthdays are april get a birthday and xmas so why should ds2 have it mixed up.

My b-day is the 17th and I often get joint presents with the excuse, ' its 2 crappy presents or one bigger better pressie'. Anyone who gives me joint presents (my sister is a big culprit who always gives me seriously naff awful presents and gets very riled when she gets naff ones) gets joint presents the following year- no matter when their birthday is.

A solution is to be like the Queen and have a official birthday in the summer!!

separate presents- honestly anything else is rude, especially when others get the same present then something else on their birthday.

No, no, no! Please don't let anyone do this for your dd! They wouldn't dream of it if her birthday was in August.
It is very hurtful to children when this happens- their birthday is such a special day.

Ah! sorry... she is 1?
Oh yeah- just don't give her stuff!
DD's birthday is feb, so I think we just gave her 1 present for 1st and 2nd birthdays- she had too much to cope with at christmas.
We said to people who wanted to get her things to leave it until summer and get things like garden toys.
People were nice and sensible!
tbh DD loved the cake more than anything

But what do I say? It is not even my family and DH doesn't get listened to in his family. His mum keeps saying that everybody should get her separate presents, but I know other people have their own ideas.

It was his Nan and Grandad that annoyed me the most. They have 3 grandchildren, 2 are babies My DD and her cousin. They have got them the same stuff but hers is for birthday as well. I know they will give the other grandchild a gift in May on his birthday and it isn't fair. They do favoritise him though

This is making me more want to have a proper party for her. But no idea how to do it without it being too expensive. If we had space for both sides of the family here, we would do it here but we don't.

My birthday's near Christmas too, and I very rarely got joint presents as a child. In fact, the only time I remember it happening was when I was in my mid teens and desperately wanted a pair of leather boots, which were beyond my parents' budget for either christmas or birthday individually, so they suggested I have it as a joint present for both, and I agreed. I got the boots on my birthday, and on Christmas day, I got a token present from mum and dad - a book, I think.

The difference is that I was old enough to understand and make a choice. If i were you, chloemegjess, I'd talk to the people who are doing joint presents this year and very tactfully say to them that you are extremely grateful for the generous present they are giving this year, but you are worried that this practise would upset your dc if it carries on, and could they please go back to separate presents next year.

Could you find a 'collectible' type present that could be designated especially for birthday gifts. For example for DD we have a large wooden ark and all the animals can be bought seperately, family just ask what she hasn't got yet. Or Duplo or playmobile stuff. Just thinking that if it was something specific (and not too expensive they would be tempted to combine into one) it would help to distinguish xmas and birthday presents?

we are a family of Xmas birthdays. We ALWAYS have separate birthday and Xmas presents up until the child is old enough to ask for them to be combined so they get something bigger. We also have half-birthdays so they can do something outside. The worst thing, especially for younger children who grow out of gifts, is that they don't get the second chance for an age-appropriate present. The half-birthday gets around that.

Oh, and people who say don't worry don't have Xmas birthdays. It's a really big deal to those of us who do!

Well, she won't know any different... so I would say "this is fine for this year, but next year she will understand so please do separate or no presents, thank you"
1 is too young for a party- it's just for parents at that age, it will just be overwhelming for her...though she may be used to large family gatherings- depends on your family

Message withdrawn

i too am xmas bday. it is just mean to do joint presents, esp when it isn't twice as much.

agree with those who say joint presents are a big no-no, its just not fair for the child.
At your dd's age, tho, it won't matter just as much but i understand why you would want to let people know that it is basically not acceptable.

You don't have to have a birthday party for her - just invite your rellies round and any friends, and have tea and cake. If there are older children then you could maybe do a pass the parcel. If you have plenty of balloons, believe me, most kids will be happy with that.

dd1 has a summer birthday as well as her early Jan one. I think joint presents for a young child are really mean tbh.

I am glad I started this thread now. I though I was going to be told I was being silly or ungrateful!

Thank you everybody.

My birthday is 23rd December and I hate joint presents too. When I was growing up, I used to have a second birthday (in August on my mum's b'day) when I would get presents from relatives. On my proper birthday, I would get cards and small presents from friends, and have a party. We weren't that well off, and my mum explained it by saying that there were lots of things I needed throughout the year, not just at Christmas. Maybe that explanation would help with DH's relatives?

No No No.
No joint presents!
Have a DC with a birthday at beginning of Dec and one due Christmas Day. We do not do joint presents - at all!
If they hand you one present just say So is this her Christmas present or Birthday present?