Who should do the cooking in the evening? Me at work or him at home?

[bergentulip]

Genuine query, as my DH and I have recently switched roles. He is now SAHP and I am now working fulltime.

Now, before the birth of DS2 I was working parttime, him fulltime, when I was at home all day I would always cook the meal, considering I had all day to work out what to cook/defrost/buy etc,..... When we had both been at work, we'd take it in turns mostly. Weekends, again, sharing.
Same with when I was at home fulltime for the year of my maternity leave both times. Me at home, me cook.

Now, I would have thought that if I am at work every day that perhaps it would now be, generally speaking, down to my DH to sort out the dinner?
As soon as I am in the door, I do start sorting and tidying, dealing with our DSs (3.5yrs and 1yr), we both get them ready for bed etc.... tasks are shared very fairly I would think, but gone 7pm, I feel that there should at least be an idea of what might be on offer.

No? Am I being unfair and irrational and expecting too much?

[MadamePlatypus]

The only thing I would say is that depending on ages and quantity of children, it is likely that a SAHP may have already cooked three meals by 7pm and provided a variety of snacks and drinks and just feel that they are absolutely THROUGH with the kitchen. Yes, they can meal plan and prepare food for the evening while sorting out other food during the day, but it's not surprising that a person might get to a stage in the day where they want to throw down the saucepan.

[rachels103]

I can see several other people have suggested menu planning....it saved us!

Dh and I swapped roles - he now works PT me FT and for the first few months I quietly seethed that there wasn't anything organised for dinner. We finally had a conversation about it and he admitted that he really didn't know where to start with planning everyday meals - he'd always cooked, but only ever 'special' meals where he could go and buy all the ingredients. He had no experience of looking in the cupboards and deciding what to make from what was there. Now we do a weekly menu and he's fine. If we forget to, he's still lost!

I do think it should be his responsibility, but he might need some help getting there!!!!
Good luck.

[baltimore97]

DH and I generally share the cooking burden, even with me on maternity leave at present. We have a meal planner, and I often prep things and he brings it all together when he gets in the door.

Bergen, I think we may share the same DH. Without the mealplanner, if left up to him, dinner would be "bread and catchit" every night (as it used to be called in my parent's house). I also often find him trying to feed the DDs revolting things that they are refusing to eat, such as giving DD1 (2.5yrs) a mix of all the left over purees in the fridge not eaten by DD2 (7mths)....

[VirginiaWoolf]

I work PT, DH is FT. He does almost all of our cooking, is fantastic self-taught cook, and he plans ahead whilst we do our weekly shop at the weekend.
Sorry, that sounds a bit smug and I didn't mean it to; it just gets to me a little with the suggestion that men need things to be kept simple and taught how to cope etc - I'm paraphrasing, no-one on this particular thread has said that, but it seems to come up on MN so often. Not all women are fantastic instinctive cooks!
Ahem.
Sorry.
[VW shuffles back to generous G & T emoticon]

[chefswife]

i am certainly not an instinctive cook. i like throwing together a few veg and tossing them with pasta or those one pot wonders like stews and slowcooks. my DH will open the fridge before he goes to work and tells me what i could have for dinner, how to cook it, etc. i can bake though. and i take full responsibility for everything else around the house from cleaning to handyman stuff to car maintenance. i just ask that he puts his dirty clothes in the hamper. we are expecting our first and have already developed, albeit a loose one, a plan of shared action. here's to hoping it works a little.

ok, i don't quite remember where i was going with this. um... how about a cook book for your DH for Christmas. i'm sure there's some out there geared exactly for what you need him to do.

[thumbwitch]

not sure - my DH works FT, I work PT but at home, plus fulltime care for my DS (11mo). DH gets to sleep through the night every night, I do all the night stuff (DS still bf'ing, wakes usually once).

DH does the cooking. I have given him the choice a few times - look after DS and I will do the cooking, or do the cooking - and he always chooses to cook. He finds looking after DS for more than an hour a bit taxing, bless him, and the cooking is easier for him than DS after a day at work.

So, I don't know if it is entirely reasonable to expect your DH to cook after looking after both DC all day - I know I'm not keen with just the one!

[duckquackquack]

Hi Rookiemater

No expert I'm afraid - so have shyed away from any prefrying recipes. Have stuck to ones where everything goes in pot and gets turned on - such as fish pie, some stews don't require prefrying, vegie stews.

DH leaves for work really early - so sometimes such as a veggie stew I'll chop veg up cover with water in fridge over night and he'll turn on in the morning - then it's on for a good 8 hours and then we'll all eat together at 5 (well we might, DC might just join us dependent upon mood she takes that day oh the joy she is at the moment!!)

Hope this helps - no cook I'm afraid. There are slow cooker books on Amazon really cheap.

[rookiemater]

Thanks duckquack. Sorry to be real pest, but can you let me know which books you recommend, I just haven't seen any that don't require pre frying. ( Sorry OP for shameless thread hijack)

[Madsometimes]

dh works fulltime and I am a SAHM. I cook tea for the children at about 4:30-5, because they are tired and need a meal in them pretty much straight after school. dh comes home at about 5-6, we sit down and have some family time and a cup of tea together. Then at 6:30, I do children's bath and get them ready for bed, and dh prepares the evening meal. He reads them a story at about 7, and then I put them to bed while he cooks my dinner

He does meal plan, and like thumbwitch says finds doing the cooking less stressful than looking after children. My dh is a good cook, whereas my kitchen skills are similar to Wendy Craig's in Butterflies (wish I looked like her!). To help my dh I sometimes help prepare the food during the day, eg. today he will make a bolognaise, and I will cut up all the veggies before he gets home.

[duckquackquack]

Hi Rookiemater

We have slow cooker one pot casserole book by Catherine Atkinson. This is good for Fish / veggie dishes where you don't need to prefry (the majority of meat recipes need frying first).

We tend to pile raw veg and raw cubed casserole meat all in with a packet casserole mix and leave for a good 8 hours - the meat is thoroughly cooked and is lovely.

We were talking about this today at work - and my collegue puts raw chicken in with mushrooms and onions and then pours a jar of sauce over (e.g. lloyd grosemans cajun chicken) and says this cooks properly and is really nice. The cooker is left around 8 hours so cooks all day whilst out / busy.

Hope this helps.

[alittleteapot]

i'm a sahm and find it really really hard to get a meal on the table for dh having already done one for dd earlier. partly i don't think i'm as organised as i should be, partly dd is not brilliant at letting me get on with things. i do however have this guilty feeling that i should be looking after our evening meals. however, in a way this isnt' fair in that i am working all day too, looking after a one year old, and that is very all consuming. i agree slow cooking is a good option, as is making double quantities and freezing some.
there's also the thing that he gets home just as i'm putting her to bed and then i'm suddenly just SO bushed. then start cooking and it ends up being super late before we eat. what i really want is him home at 6 to bath dd while i cook and then we're all laughing.

so, i don't think you're being unreasonable but I don't think he is either, just a difficult juggling act.

[alittleteapot]

ps we often do what others have mentioned where i buy and prep and dh finishes off while i'm putting dd to bed. but he's often not home till 8/8.30 and then it all gets a bit late. sometimes i'd rather just eat at 5.30 with dd!

[cornflakegirl]

DH has been a SAHD for nearly 3 years, and I work full time. To start with, he wasn't a very confident cook. Now, we have a notebook full of the recipes for our regular meals, because he prefers to work from a recipe. We also meal plan (I do most of the shopping).

He cooks on weekdays, because we all eat together, and I don't get it till about 6. We share the cooking at the weekend. DH is now a good cook, and has recipes that he has discovered that he makes better than I do.

(The baking is still all mine though!)

[Sycamoretree]

My Dh is a SAHD and I work full time. Tends to be that I swoop in and take over with kids as soon as home to make the most of my time with them, so I do bathtime, then bed and stories. He's normally peeling the spuds or whatever whilst all this is going on, so yes, he does the evening meal by and large.

[elliott]

I think it depends what you both prefer. Or maybe you should share it. Personally if I've been looking after the kids all day, I would prefer to be left in peace cooking while dh dealt with bathtime.
But I agree that it needs to be planned ahead.

[rookiemater]

Thanks duckquackquack, must try without prefrying, plus your colleagues idea sounds really good.

[blackrock]

DH and myself both PT, I am home more than him. DH cooks, I shop, I garden, we both clean.

DH likes cooking and it tastes better. So both happy.