What are your thoughts about using the word 'naughty' to describe your children's behaviour?

[MrsThierryHenry]

When your children misbehave, how do you explain that their behaviour is unacceptable to you? Are you completely anti-"naughty"? Do you use the word regularly? Or do you fall somewhere between the two camps?

I was trying to open the car door yesterday and guided my 3yr old out of the way with a hane on her shoulder. As I was strapping her into her seat, she said, " you pushed me". I laughed and said "I didn't push you, I guided you." to which her response was " Well, it was very naughty when you guided me" Hope that answers your question.

I would use naughty not bad.

I tended to refer to what they are doing as naughty rather than saying they are naughty. Worked in nurseries and this was the usual way to do it. ie

"Johnny that was a naughty thing to do" rather than
""Johnny you are a naughty boy"

But sometimes they are naughty. (in answer to OP only).

It's the behaviour, not the child, and I find it's the tone that's important, not so much the words.

and wot hecate said, lol.

I don't use naughty, probably because I am a teacher and it is one of those words that different parents react differently to.

With ds I would be far more likely to say "we don't xxxx".

Ds is very keen on things being someone's fault and that is my personal hate word. My mother will keep going forever to establish whose fault something was. Who cares, woman, get over it!

So I also say "how can we fix this?" a lot too.

the whole question is liberal hippy shite too far.

lol custardo

TBH I use it with my own DS and DD but try not too. As a primary teacher and CM my training has been to use the word to describe the behaviour not the child, e.g. 'Hitting is naughty' not 'You're naughty for hitting' but much harder to remember in practice.

Lol at 'naughty choices'. Sounds like an Ann Summers catalogue

It appalls me when I hear parents use 'naughty' or 'bad' to describe the behaviour of very young children which is neither naughty or bad but just normal behaviour for a small one. Like not wanting to go to bed or making noise in a restaurant or refusing to eat their food or snatching toys etc etc etc.

How do you describe it, RantinEminor?

Custardo, maybe you should have read further than just the OP.

20p, I like your way of focusing on solving the problem rather than banging on about what a mess has been made! Will remember that one for the future!

OMG at this "sad" business. I've just started to hear a bit about this from various sources and I loathe it. It comes across as passive-aggressive emotional blackmail! "Sad" my arse! Most children know damn well about being good and being naughty and doing things that they know are not allowed to do, to see what happens - it's totally normal and natural, testing boundaries etc., and an essential part of learning how to behave.

I do agree about not saying "you are a naughty boy" and instead saying "x is a naughty thing to do' / "that was very naughty" etc.

In our house we don't just use it for DS either - we talk about naughty grown-up behaviour too, eg DS points out "naughty writing" (graffiti) and "naughty parking" (on the pavement) and DP and I will admit we were naughty if for example we naughty-park or put or feet on the coffee table. We also have the naughtiest cat in the world.

"Sad" oooh grrr!

Oh and i do agree with you Rant that a lot of small children's inconvenient behaviour is not "naughty" - I hate it when people call babies/toddlers naughty for crying. In our house naughty means deliberate hitting, drawing on furniture etc.

Hi, snowleopard !!

MDS, I assume that by 'the look' you're referring to your 'DeathStare'? Can you teach it to me? Pleeeeeeease? There are a lot of attitudinal teens where I live and it might just be the ticket...

I use the word 'naughty' a fair bit. I don't say 'you naughty boy', but I do say 'that was very naughty'. I doubt it will scar DS for life.

mrs TH, i did read further than the op which is why i didn't say " you are all a load of hippy shits" but rather refered to the question in the title.

I don't really use the word 'naughty' at all. Although I do say 'God, you're being a flamin' nightmare' quite a lot.

Oh Mrs TH! I did mean to come back and reply - but it fell off the board and I let it slide. I did have some cogent thoughts to reply to you with as well but they've faded... sorry.

Also great taste in husbands btw.

I love the word 'naughty'!!

It conjures up cuteness, playfullness, mischievous but nothing too awful. Think puppies, cream cakes, small boys and dens and girls with mummies makeup (I'll probably be flamed for sexual stereo typing also now)but my point is naughty is what little children often are and should be.

Naughty only ever seems to apply to small misdemeamors or frivolous things.

No child is 'bad' however.

Oh, don't worry, snowleopard , I wrote a great big hefty essay which I was then embarassed about. It was a good discussion, though - but after a while I always start to fret that I don't know enough to give intelligent answers to the questions I've unwittingly generated!

Glad you like my taste in husbands!

Custardo - ah-hah! I see. Well, even so, the point of the opening question was to start debate rather than just venting my spleen by saying what I think in the first instance. So there!

mrsTH - just caught up again with this and you say how would i feel about being called stupid all the time by my boss.

If you refer back to my earlier post, I stated that thre is nothing wrong with saying naughty when tghey have been. I said it would only be a problem if it was the only thing a parent ever said. If you praise the good behaviour I see absolytely nothing wrong in telling them they are naughty if that is what they are.

Forevercleaning, I've just re-read all your posts, and I'm not sure whether you've missed my point - you specifically asked what's wrong with calling the child naughty. Maybe that was meant to be rhetorical, but I've answered the question anyway!

My response was saying that there is a negative impact if you call a child naughty - and yes, you may try to balance it by also praising good behaviour, but surely you must also be aware of the hackneyed but true saying that it takes 10 encouragements to undo the effects of one criticism. Of course a child isn't going to be psychologically damaged by being called naughty, so it's a silly argument. But is that the best guide to work by? 'It's not going to send my child into therapy so it must be okay?' Surely a more beneficial approach would be to say 'what's going to achieve the best outcome for my child?'?

As you said yourself, "if the child is doing the naughty thing, then the child is naughty" - if the child "does the naughty thing", why not just say they've done
a naughty thing? We all make stupid mistakes, but that doesn't make us stupid people (hence my earlier example), so I don't understand why you wouldn't want to make that differentiation clear to your children.