What are your thoughts about using the word 'naughty' to describe your children's behaviour?

[MrsThierryHenry]

When your children misbehave, how do you explain that their behaviour is unacceptable to you? Are you completely anti-"naughty"? Do you use the word regularly? Or do you fall somewhere between the two camps?

lol at the question

the cat was doing something naughty, i can't even remember what, dh shouted NAAAUGGHHHTYYYY!!!

got to admit it really made me lol
seeing dh shouting naughty at the cat, something funny about that word

pmsl at 'sad'!!! Now that is sad

do people really say to their kids now that was a sad thing to do?

what the heck?

A sad thing to do?

I say "what you have done has made me feel sad."

I often use "naughty" or "silly" with silly tending to mean overexcited behaviour or accidents that would be predictable/preventable to an adult but not for a child.
Naughty is deliberately doing something that dd either knows that she is not allowed to do or that is destructive of property/would hurt someone. I do try to say eg "That is naughty because someone might get hurt." rather than just "that is naughty.", often now that she is older and very verbal I do much more describing of why behaviour is naughty rather than using the word it'self but it's still useful imo.

I might say that what they did was naughty, but I never describe them as naughty. If I do use 'naughty', then I also explain why it was naughty, and what I would rather see them do.

TBH, I don't really like using naughty, it's too vague. There are better words, I think, but I don't think it's a big deal as long as it's clearly refering to the behaviour and not the child.

For eg at my friend's nursery they don't use the word naughty, they say "sad" - as in "now Emily don't throw books at Sasha's head - that was a sad thing to do, wasn't it?" But to the children it just means the same thing in the end.

whatthe heck?

prettycandles - why is it not acceptable to say to a child that they are naughty? Sorry i just dont get it.

if the child is doing the naughty thing, then the child is naughty.

Because I don't think you should label a child, particularly not in a bad way. I don't want my child to think of themselves as a bad person. We may have the sophistication to differentiate between 'naughty' and 'bad', but they mean the same thing to a child.

And this is not soemthing I got out of a parneting manual. It's about personal experience. I remember feeling very bad about myself as a child, and deliberately messing things up because I was told so often that I was useless at whatever it was. And even if I genuinely was useless at something I should have been allowed to enjoy it, rather than feel humiliated because I knew I couldn't do it.

If you are a fair parent and give plenty of praise for the good behaviours, then there should never be an issue.

What you are saying is completely different. For you to feel bad about yourself you must not have had the equal amount of praise. That is a huge difference to us saying we find it perfectly normal to tell our dc that they are naughty or have done something naughty.

I am afraid I disagree about the labelling of a child. I dont think a toddler is going to comprehend the difference between 'you are naughty and 'doing x y z is naughty'. They do not have the sophistication to differentiate the comments.

I try and be specific in labelling the behaviour, rather than using a generic naughty. For example, if DS1 takes something away from DD and she starts crying I'd say. 'That was not a kind thing to do to DD, and now she's upset. You don't like it when DD takes away your things'. When DD gets paints/ pens out when I told her not to I'll say something like,' You shouldn't have done that. I asked you not to get the paints out, and you need to do as I tell you. It is not good to do things I have told you not to do'. I try and get my DC to see how their behaviour effects other people, and hope that one day they'll be empathetic towards others. It feels like a long haul though.

MrsThierryHenry, I've used 'dangerous' with my DCs when they were age 1 and they've always seemed to understand. 'That's dangerous, you might get hurt'

Never stopped them finding something else dangerous to do/explore

A friend's baby (13 month old)was using a toy in the wrong way in nursery-how she was expected to know the correct way at that age beats me! She was experimenting-anyway her mother was told on collecting her that 'Freya had made sad choices'! Apparently they never use the word 'naughty'.
The whole thing was mad -she was a baby and wasn't being naughty or making sad choices!!

I prefer specific labels 'dangerous' 'unkind' 'annoying me' 'unhelpul' but I think naughty is the ideal word once every couple of months when you have just given a child a good reason for behaving a certain way and then they deliberately do the opposite.

Sorry, don't know how that once every couple of months bit crept in!

Naughty keyboard!

I am in the south east theyoungvisiter - so very like London I expect.

interesting thread. had not even considered that telling my dds their behaviour was naughty/ unacceptable whatever would be something to avoid doing!

I have called ds naughty/bad and silly
he is now 16 and gets called a lot worse. he is fine and has no lasting damage. but then I have always told him he is wonderful and that I love him as well.

well said 2 shoes - just what i have been trying to say but you seem alot clearer than me!

That was naughty etc is fine

You are naughty is something I try to avoid.

I call the behaviour, not the dc, naughty, bad, wrong etc

My friend is a nursery nurse and she never uses the word naughty she says - 'thats not good'

My DH said well 'I'll be using the word naughty with my kids' to which she replied 'well you better not in front of me'

Naughty to your own kids is fine.

But you must never ever describe another child as "naughty" to your own child. I say "so-and-so is still learning" or, if it's really awful "so and so has a lot to learn about that".

I never use the word "naughty" to toddlers, but my older children are NAUGHTY. VERY NAUGHTY at times.

Pinkglow, I second your

Forever cleaning, imagine if you were at work and make a mistake. There's a significant difference between your boss saying 'that was a stupid thing to do' and 'you're stupid for doing that'. Imagine if your boss said that every time you made a mistake. It would have a cumulative effect, wouldn't it?

Children do perceive the difference, even young toddlers - we all know that they understand language well beyond our expectations, so of course they perceive 'naughty you' as labelling - particularly if it's said again and again.

'Naughty' all the time, 'bad' never